Chronic victimism: people who complain about vice

Anyone, in any situation in their life, has had to face role of the victim. Most of the time, this role is assumed on the basis of objective facts that justify our feeling more vulnerable or helpless.

Victimism as a personality

However, there people who demonstrate chronic victimization: They are in a permanent state of unfounded complaints and lamentations. These individuals protect themselves in a victim’s personality, Although some of them adopt this attitude unconsciously. In this way, they are released from all responsibility for their actions and blame the rest of what happens to them.

Maintaining this type of attitude that we have called “chronic victimization” for a long time is not in itself a DSM-5 classified condition, but it could lay the psychological foundation that could end up developing a paranoid personality disorder. It is because the person constantly blames other people for bad things that happen to them.

Victimism and pessimism go hand in hand

This way of managing daily life can have more negative consequences. One of the most obvious damage is the pessimistic view of life which leads to chronic victimization, as it creates an environment of discomfort and mistrust both for the person who is always complaining and for those around him, who feel unfairly treated.

In many cases, the person who exhibits this tendency towards chronic victimization ends up harboring a number of bad feelings, such as resentment or anger, which can escalate into aggressive victimization. The aggressive victim not only blames others and regrets everything, but can also adopt aggressive and violent attitudes, intolerance and contempt for the physical and moral integrity of people whom they find guilty for whatever reason.

How are the victims?

But, What recurring personality traits and attitudes do these people have? Let’s get to know them through the following points.

1) They systematically distort reality

People with chronic victimization they sincerely believe that all the blame for what happens to them is someone else’s fault; they take no responsibility for their actions. The underlying problem is that they see reality in a distorted way, with an external locus of control. They tend to think that both good things and bad times depend on causes outside their control.

It is also true that they often subconsciously exaggerate the negative, so that they fall into a strong pessimism which prevents them from seeing the positive things in life.

2) constant lament strengthens them

Individual victimists they believe that their personal situation is due to the bad actions of others and the circumstancesTherefore, they do not feel responsible for everything that happens to them. Therefore, they spend the day lamenting, to the point that they find a significant reinforcement of their attitude of lamentation and grievance, assuming their role as victims and trying to get the attention of those around them.

They can’t ask anyone for help, they just regret their bad luck running into unwanted people. It’s nothing but a unconscious search for attention and prominence.

3) Your goal is to find the culprits

The status of permanent victim it is also very associated with a suspicious attitude. They believe that others are always acting in spurious interests and acting in bad faith against them. This is why they inspect to the millimeter every detail or gesture of those around them trying to uncover grievances, whether minimal or non-existent, to strengthen themselves in their role as victims.

Based on acting like this, they end up reasserting their personality and are very sensitive to the treatment that others give them, Exaggerate any small detail to a pathological limit.

4) No self-criticism

They cannot be self-critical about their attitude or actions. People with chronic victimization are fully convinced that they are not responsible for anything, thus they do not conceive that anything in them is reprehensible or ameliorable. As already mentioned, they are responsible for everything to others, cannot accept any criticism and, of course, are far from being able to reflect on their attitude or actions in order to improve themselves in some aspect of life.

They do not tolerate the failures and shortcomings of others, but they perceive their own mistakes as trivial and, in any case, justifiable.

Tactics used by victims

When there is a person who assumes the role of victim, there must be another who is perceived to be guilty. To this end, chronic victims use a series of tactics and strategies to make another person feel guilty.

If we ignore this modus operandi of the victims, it is easier for us to fall into their mental frame and for them to succeed in convincing us that all the blame is ours.

1. Rhetoric and oratory of the victim

It is very common for such people try to ridicule and disqualify any argument from your “enemy”. However, they do not try to refute the opponent on the basis of better data or arguments, but rather engage in disqualification and try to get the other person to play the role of “attacker”.

How do they do? Assume the role of victim in the discussion, so that the adversary is left as an authoritarian person, with little empathy and even aggressive. This point is known in the discipline that studies arguments as “centrist rhetoric” because it is a tactic that seeks to present the enemy as a radical, rather than refute or enhance his arguments. So any argument from the opposite side is just a demonstration of aggression and extremism.

If they are cornered by a statement or irrefutable fact, the victim will not respond with arguments or provide other data but will say something like, “Are you still attacking me, are you telling me this lie?” or “I don’t like you forcing your point of view.”

2. The “timely withdrawal” of the victim

Sometimes the victim’s speech is meant to shirk responsibility to avoid having to admit failure or apologize for something they did wrong. To do this, he will try to get out of the situation as best he can. The most common strategy, in addition to disqualifying your interviewee’s argument (see point 1), is to flee his studies so as not to recognize that he was wrong in his position.

How do they do? Take on the role of victim and manipulate the situation so that the interaction spirals into confusion. This results in the victim’s attempt to project his mistakes towards the adversary.

For example, if during a discussion the opponent provides proven and reliable data that contradicts the victim’s position, the victim will not admit that he was wrong. Instead, try to walk away using these typical phrases. “This fact does not contradict what I said. Please confuse us with numbers that do not come to the point” or “You blame me for giving my simple opinion, it makes no sense to continue arguing with someone like that “. And, after these words, it is normal that he leaves the stage feeling “winner”.

3. Emotional blackmail

The last of the strategies most frequently used by chronic victims is emotional blackmail. When they know well the virtues and the faults of their “adversary”, they don’t hesitate to manipulate their emotions to try to get away and show yourself as a victim. People who are victimized have a great ability to recognize emotions and use the doubts and weaknesses of others for their own benefit.

How do they do? They are able to spot their opponent’s weaknesses and try to take advantage of the empathy they can impart. Thus, they forge the situation so that the other assumes the role of executioner and consolidate themselves in the position of victims.

That kind of attitude can materialize, for example, with this mother trying to blame her child with phrases like, “With everything I always do for you, and that’s how you pay me.” Emotional blackmail is also a typical relationship manipulation strategy. We explain it in depth in this article:

“Emotional blackmail: a way to manipulate your partner’s feelings”

How to deal with such a person?

The bottom line is that if you have a chronic abuser in your immediate surroundings, you will be able to identify them. after, you have to try not to get caught up in their manipulation game. Just let her know that her regrets are still the same and that the bravest thing in this life is to try to find solutions. If you are ready to find solutions to their problems, we must help them and let them know that we are with them, but we must also make them understand that we will not waste time listening to their complaints.

Being pragmatic, you need to take care of yourself and avoid the bad vibes entrusted to you as much as possible. You don’t have to accept that they are trying to blame you for their problems. It can only hurt your feelings if you let it have that power over you.

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