There are times when there isn’t a day when we don’t stand up with our left foot. We go to work or school and we are late. Once here we have a huge pile of work which is harder and heavier than usual. We try to get smart by going to the coffee machine, gulping down coins, and depriving ourselves of our caffeine fix.
“My day is going badly … everything is bad for me!” I think. Are we bad luck magnets? Are we not good at what we do? Are we worthless? and other similar expressions come to mind. We assume that things are bad for us, which means that there is something wrong with us.
Why is everything bad for me ?, the great unknown. Is it fate? Is it us? What is happening? Here we will see some possible answers.
“Everything is bad for me!
It has happened to all of us that we have a time when nothing that we planned to do comes out the way we wanted it to. We stopped doing what we were doing and wondered, frustrated “what’s going on?” I am wrong! “. Life is not a straight and steady line, but is marked by ups and downs and in his stockings we tend to see things in a more pessimistic way, Because it seems that the world is conspiring against us or, also, that we cease to be competent and become useless.
These bad sequences are normal. We cannot hope that we will always be happy and that all will be well with us. However, although we may keep this reality in mind many times, seeing that nothing is going right for us, there are disappointments going on and it looks like what we set out to do will not be accomplished, it is inevitable to think that everything is wrong for us. These are times that keep hurting and attract demotivation, reluctance, apathy, anxiety, and depression.
People are dreamy beings and we set all kinds of goals for ourselves in various spheres of our existence such as work, partner, friends, personal projects, and goals for success in life. When something bad happens and it seems to sabotage our dreams it is inevitable that we wonder if there is something in our lives or something in our way of being that has created a whole situation full of misfortunes and misfortunes. Do we have a bad attitude or are we really not worth it?
Before we get even more obsessed and bitter because of the negative situation we find ourselves in, where disappointments cloud our eyes and don’t let us see the light at the end of the tunnel, what we need to do is think about it and do ourselves. calm. stop the machine. As much as we can, we need to rest, both physically and mentally. Resting and slowing down a bit is very good for getting a more global and tighter picture of what’s going on, in addition to stopping that rum-rum, that mental rumor that tells us all the time that everything is going wrong for us .
What is happening to us?
We live in a society of extremes. The media and all kinds of organizations tell us that we have to be happy, idealistic, optimistic and energetic people.. The message that we need to be “happy” 24/7 is very beautiful and at the same time toxic, mainly because it puts us in conflict with our realism. People are not always happy beings, because depending on our personal characteristics, our upbringing and the context in which we live, we will see life in one way or another, changing according to the time we live. .
No matter how optimistic we consider ourselves to be, sooner or later there are times when we are a little sadder. This sadness should not be thought of as depression, as it is a relatively long mental disorder in the case of not having to deal with adequate professional help, but we are talking about euthymia, that is – say mood changes in the expected normality and not pathological. There are days when we are happier and others when we are sadder.
Being in one of these stages is the norm that makes our point of view more pessimistic, especially in applying it to what we are doing and what is happening to us. of course it is in these times that our mistakes and misfortunes that occur in our daily life will be perceived in a more exaggerated way.Seeing that everything is really bad for us. Every mistake will make us think we are worthless, and every misfortune that the world, God, fate or whatever has been against us.
But sooner or later the bad streaks fade and the good ones come. All the pessimism that we had shown in the previous period is replaced by optimism and motivation: the light has arrived at the end of the tunnel, which had never ceased to be there. We learn that everyone has a bad streak, that we are worth a lot, that there are a lot of things we need to be happy about, and that the good always outweighs the bad and even exceeds it.
However, while the stages of some pessimism are normal, it doesn’t mean that they are harmless and, in fact, if they drag on or if we focus too much on all the bad things that are supposed to happen to us, we run the risk of getting stuck. The reasons why this happens are varied, although they are usually personal in nature, such as our own way of being, our self-esteem, and our self-esteem. If we don’t stop with the whisper of the bad thing happening to us, we’ll stretch it and stretch it until it’s a serious problem..
There are several causes behind the idea of “everything is bad for me”. One of them is impossible to control, capricious and unpredictable: bad luck. Bad luck is a variable which, although it cannot be measured, we know that it is there, not to annoy life but because in life there are times of luck and times when we do not. ‘we don’t have that many. It may be that, through sheer bad luck, what we have decided to do is not working for us, and there is nothing we can do about it.
But bad luck aside, many personal factors influence the way we see reality, Factors which can be changed both by personal effort and by seeking professional help. Among these factors we can find the following:
1. Filtration phenomenon
It is common that behind the belief that everything is wrong with us, there is a cognitive distortion. People perceive reality based on what we “want” to see. If we insist on seeing all the bad things that are happening to us and that we are doing, that is, we have a very negative view of reality, it is not uncommon to see that a lot of things go wrong for us. we.
The phenomenon of negative filtering refers to a situation in which people focus on the bad and put aside the good., Which certainly happens too. People are human beings and in our nature it is the act of making mistakes, but also, we have done it right many times and we are doing it right.
2. Pessimism after
As we mentioned, we live in a company that sells us the message that in order to be achieved you must always be happy. The problem is, that same message clashes with another emitted by our closest circle of acquaintances, especially family, friends, and other important people that is no more and no less than Murphy’s Law: if something is wrong, it will.
This pessimism is a cultural trait, just like language, traditions, food or whatever, and so you end up learning. It is difficult to get rid of a pessimistic mentality if we have grown up receiving these types of messages from an early age. and expect the worst from the world and ourselves, always in a minimally healthy way.
3. Lack of self-esteem
Of course, you can’t talk about the thought of “everything is wrong with me” without talking about a profound lack of self-esteem. Low self-esteem is not a condition that a person achieves overnightHe doesn’t have to keep it that way for life either. Self-esteem can weaken, vary over time and with experiences, experiences that can make us doubt our worth and cause us to have a negative self-image.
If we have very low self-esteem and also our self-concept this is how we see ourselves, it is negative, it is not surprising that we attribute all the bad that happens to us. We believe that not only do bad things happen to us, but we are also the ones who attract them.
Low self-esteem and a negative self-image are aspects that should be worked on when consulting a psychologist and performing an important self-assessment exercise.
4. Secret trouble
The feeling of “everything is wrong for me” can actually be a symptom of a psychological problem, of a mental disorder which requires psychotherapeutic intervention. Mood disorders such as depression and anxiety can cause a pessimistic state of mind.
The common pattern in depression is to blame yourself for the bad things that happen and attribute the good that happens to luck. Depressed people tend to think that the misfortunes inflicted on them are their fault and that they really deserve it, when any credit they can get is because the situation has been so kind to them. This way of thinking is very dysfunctional and requires the help of a psychologist.
5. Difficult times
Finally, we have the idea of hard times. Sometimes bad luck manifests itself in all its splendor and extent making us live a time when things don’t look good objectively. The economy is collapsing, our business will go to waste, we have broken a leg and any other misfortune can happen, affecting our lives deeply.
The world changes and sometimes a series of coincidences and being in the wrong place and the wrong place causes us to have some misfortune that makes us all go wrong. Hopefully sooner or later our situation will improve and for now all we can do is live through the tough times in the best possible way. Life is not easy and waiting for it to be perfect will make us more bitter.
What can we do if everything goes wrong?
As we mentioned, it is normal to notice that we live in a time when everything is going wrong for us. However we must not stand idly by and reverse all the evil that is happening to usBut to see how we can change our situation and how much control we have over it. Focusing on what we will find very difficult to achieve at the moment because bad luck does not allow us to do it is torture. It is best to stop the physical and mental machinery for a moment, calm down and reflect on our situation.
The first thing we need to do while taking this break from body and mind is to ask ourselves: what aspects are up to us? Was there anything outside of us that influenced this? Can we control? This step requires deep meditation, reflection that will allow us to clarify what happened and find that negative facts that have been chained up have made us fall into the abyss of “everything is wrong for me”.
Once we have seen what is up to us and what we should not accept, the idea that there are things that are not in our control. Since we can’t control them, it’s not worth being bitter about them. It is true that sometimes life is very unfair and brings us truly cruel events, but still, why bemoan over and over again? Does not remembering the evil revive the evil that has hurt us? Hard times do happen, but they never will, especially if we don’t stop to think about them.
There are times that are more complicated than others and we have to accept it. We embrace the complexity of the world. Bad luck will truncate many of our plans and goals, but that’s not why we should give up and think that nothing will turn out well for us. In the same way that something seems to have gone wrong, there is definitely another option that will come out. When a door closes, a window opens.
We also need to pay some attention to the kind of thoughts we are having. Considering the possible causes that make us think everything is wrong, we need to ask ourselves if we are applying a negative filter to our reality, that is, if we are paying too much attention to the bad things that we certainly do ( like any other person!) and ignore the good we have too. As we said, focusing only on the bad and neglecting the good is a bias, it allows us to see reality objectively.
With all of this in mind, we insist on taking a break, whenever possible. The mind and body are exhausted when overused and fatigue causes us to apply the negativity filter. The machine that is our being must grease and recharge from time to time. Once we do that, we will have energy again, more vitality, a not so pessimistic and optimistic view of the world.
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