We hear more and more that people who experience an emotional problem are invited to “do things”.
In my consultation and in other areas of my life, I meet people who have been recommended by the rule “do it, fill your life with actions, splemente, do not paralyze”.
But a life with a personal meaning is not about doing to doing. It’s not about filling the suitcase with things, filling it with who it is or what others consider. It is about filling the suitcase with the things that matter to you, that represent you.
Thich Nhat Hanh said, “My actions are my only true experiences.”
Some people have become great “hacedoras”, so much so that if they have nothing to do, they worry. Fill their days with endless tasks, but without stopping to assess whether actions enrich themIt brings them closer to the life they want, if it’s actions that connect them. They only do them in response to the “fill your life, do it” rule.
When the person caught “doing it” finds himself again, (there is always a moment of emptiness of inaction in which consciousness takes the opportunity to teach you how your life is going), he is likely to feel a positive feeling. dissatisfaction, like an inner void, with the feeling of not arriving, of running without finding each other, without stopping, trapped by the rush for nowhere.
Viktor E. Frankl comments: “Sunday neurosis, that type of depression that plagues people who realize the lack of content in their lives when the rush of busy weekends and the emptiness in them show up.”
I say “the void of action void of coherence”. Even if the action coincided with the person, being beyond his intentional and conscious choice, the person is not aware of his value. And beyond the action, there is the meaning of it, if it really represents you.
Many “beasts” are governed by autopilot, inertia, precipitation, To escape a feeling, for a myriad of causes, which has nothing to do with what one would choose to do.
I am not talking about big actions, I am talking about everyday life, about the greatness of life, that is to say the small actions of the day. As a gesture that connects you, for example, with respect, if respect was an important value to you. This gesture can range from recycling a folio, thanking, treating customers kindly at work, listening without interruption, not polluting the environment … Like a kiss you give to a child who looks him in the eyes, attend to her face, feel her skin and without saying “come on, hurry” giving her an automatic kiss of empty presence.
The folios and folios could be filled with ideas; this is what personal values have, they are directions, and there are always ways to cultivate them. They say that in the frequent is the extraordinary, that what happens is that sometimes we do not realize it.
Actions from values
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) talks about taking action: Propose goals guided by values and get involved in actions to develop them. Carry out actions guided by our most personal and significant values, actions in which we are present and committed.
It is only through the actions in which we are present and connected that we can establish meaningful life.
What can we do with the iron?
Ask yourself your values, your consistency, so that you really care. How do I want to be? Whatever my thoughts and emotions, how I want to be in this situation, with this person, with this event, with this place … What taste do I want to leave?
For example: with my child How do I want to be like a mother / father? What do I want to be by your side? Because? Let’s say your answer is: I want to give you affection and help you become independent the way you want. Being aware of what you want to be brings you closer to the compass for choosing actions that are consistent with you.
We take on a day-to-day situation: Girl learning to wear shoes. If I hastily tie her shoes, do I help her be independent? If I correct it very often and say it’s awkward, will I help him like it? And to be independent? And with me, do I get closer to the mother / father that I want to be?
But … And if I let him try to tie his shoes, devoting a stipulated time, without haste, with a license so that he can make a mistake and with the opportunity to be able to try again, do it with complicity and with signs of affection? Do you think this action makes sense to you? Is it consistent with you, with your values?
Which is of great importance, but in many cases the how is even more so.. How do I want to do it? Imagine your answer was: with affection and patience. Now look at yourself, in your personal baggage you have a choice of several actions. Get out of them, I have what and listen to your “I want”.
There is a significant difference between telling you “I should do …” “I must …” telling you “I want to do …” and listening to you. The “I want” takes you out of crippling overwhelming demands and brings you closer to what really matters to you, nourishes you and connects you.
Fill our lives with actions that represent us
I am an ACT psychologist and accredited Mindfulness for Breathe Life teacher, in addition to directing the center of purification of psychology and mindfulness Estrada. Also educate mental health professionals in acquiring practical tools so that they can apply in therapy exercises and dynamics that lead to real solutions in the lives of their patients. My job as a therapist is to help people choose to help people connect with themselves, it’s to help them be freer.
I am currently writing my first book, Full of experience, practice and utility for life. A book that helps clarify, doesn’t tell you what to do, respects you, and helps you connect or help others connect with their values, choose and relate to the person you want, that they want to be.
A book based on scientific evidence, nuanced by its own clinical and personal experience, based on rigorous training, and above all a book that is built with science and with the heart. You can see my contact details by clicking here.