Knowing how to properly deal with defeats and mistakes is very important. When we lose, we have the opportunity to assess the reasons that led us to this situation and correct certain aspects to improve them.
In this article we will see how to learn how to lose so that failure does not represent an absolute failure for the subject and does not lead to a feeling of frustration which blocks us or paralyzes us. And the fact is that while people generally associate defeat with failure, it doesn’t have to be.
Why is it important to know how to lose?
Before we move on to giving advice on how to learn how to lose, let’s see how important this aspect is in our daily life.
No one escapes defeatEven in everyday life, it is common for us to face small situations where we are not achieving our goals as we planned. For example, arriving at a place very late due to traffic and therefore losing a promotion to another worker, can make us feel very bad and cause us more problems due to our anger and frustration.
Contrary to the beliefs of many people, just because we have lost does not mean that we have failed. It just means that there are aspects in us that we must work on to be better, Or that someone else did things better than us at one point, just that.
The sooner we change our perception of defeats and stop seeing them as failure, the closer we will be to getting the best version of ourselves.
Tips on how to learn to lose constructively
Now let’s take a look at some effective tips to change the way we think about failure and how we can learn to lose.
1. Leave the frustration behind
It is natural that when we lose we are overwhelmed with a sense of frustration at not having met our expectations, but we must learn to let go of that feeling quickly. Turning the page and getting back to work is a key aspect.
It’s not about the fact that when we lose we will just continue as if nothing happened, but we should avoid investing too much time in our frustration, and instead use our resources to see what went wrong to correct it.
To do this, it is very helpful to write down a sequence of steps to follow and commit to a specific program or schedule.
2. Accept things as they happened
A key aspect of dealing with losses is seeing things as they really happened, and avoid manipulating memories in our mind with the intention of “protecting” us from feeling frustrated.
It is inevitable that defeat will be unpleasant, but the sooner you have struggled with this feeling, the sooner you will be ready to start looking for victory again. In other words, the fact that you apologize for not talking about cattle will not win you the victory. It is better to accept defeat, learn from it, and stand up.
3. Avoid hostile reactions
The feeling of frustration that we feel after losing in some aspect of our life can lead us to have hostile reactions, this situation would only make our situation worse. The best will be recognize our feelings and modulate ourselves appropriately, Do not slow down our progress.
Recognizing emotions is one aspect that helps us make the most of the worst situations, when we have been able to recognize and accept our true emotions we are less likely to have hostile reactions subconsciously.
So, for example, you can set up work rituals so that when you feel bad for a certain mistake you can BE this feeling as a motivation to progress.
4. Make the process more important
Winning represents the achievement of a process in which we must be prepared to be competitive, or, if that does not imply that we plan to do things a certain way to achieve specific results. For that, knowing how to lose must enter into the logic of admitting that this error was not inevitable, And that we were able to do more things for better results.
The training or planning process is as important and rewarding as the victory itself, but only when it comes to losing, we don’t think about all that we enjoyed in the training or planning process.
Why not all glory must be given to victory, Because there is already glory in competing with others or with oneself. Learn to focus more on the process without being affected by the anxiety of winning, and you’ll see how everything goes more naturally and smoothly.
5. Avoid the preferred role
No matter how hard the circumstances are in your favor to qualify for the win, The favorite role does not always favor those who have it. In fact, to assume that we have more options to win is in most cases a double-edged sword.
It is not bad to have confidence in yourself and in our abilities, but we must avoid falling into self-indulgence to have a better vision of the challenges we will be facing. If you see yourself as the best and the one with the best chances of winning, it might cause you to underestimate your rivals and overestimate your abilities. And when you lose it will be more difficult to recover emotionally.
6. Avoid thinking in a tunnel
Tunnel thinking refers to the fact that we only think about winning and are unable to consider other possibilities. This kind of thinking is bad, since we will not always be able to emerge victorious. There will be times when we get a draw or a loss.
If you are able to preview all of these scenarios in your mind before you compete, then you will be a more realistic competitor and you will be better prepared to challenge for victory. without letting him obsess you completely.
7. Avoid stigma
Stigmata are forms of thought in which the subject is radical in the analysis of things; it’s all or nothing, no midpoints. We need to be able to realize when we are going too far in our way of seeing things and to fight against those thoughts for better results.
- Branden, N. (1995). The six pillars of self-esteem. Barcelona: Paidós.
- Greenberg, J. (2008). Understand the vital search for self-esteem by humans. Perspectives on Psychological Science. 3 (1): 48-55.