Psychologists are trained to immediately recognize the indicators that indicate that a patient has low self-esteem. But … what about ordinary people, who don’t have a great education in psychology?
Whether you’re new to someone, changed jobs and now have a new boss, or want to make new friends, here are some simple tips that they will help you identify when a person has low self-esteem, So that you are warned and better prepared in the event of a conflict.
How to identify someone with low self-esteem
Here are some of the characteristics that allow you to recognize a person with low self-esteem.
1. Pessimistic bias on themselves
People with low self-esteem, by definition, have low self-esteem. This leads them to believe that others see them as they see themselves, In a very unfavorable way. They take it for granted that if they feel unintelligent, interesting, or attractive, it is because they are necessarily unintelligent, interesting, or attractive.
They lose sight of the fact that their own negative opinion is not reality, but only one possible opinion among many. But of course, since this idea is the product of their own thinking and thinking is an invisible process, they end up confusing what they believe with what others believe.
“People realize I’m stupid,” one patient told me. “This opinion is his, we don’t know what other people think,” I replied. “We could ask them.”
I put this point first because it is on which the following elements are based.
2. Look for an external validation
Those with low self-esteem they need praise and flattery like the air they breathe. In this sense, they are demanding and extremely sensitive. They invest a great deal of effort in seeking recognition in others that makes them feel a little better.
On one occasion, I heard a girl say to him who seemed to be his romantic interest: “I’m the ugliest person in the world.” He was definitely looking for the guy to answer something like, “No way. I’ve met people a lot uglier than you.”
For a person with low self-esteem, a comment like this can be a great consolation and a great motivation.
3. Trend towards personalization and self-referrals
People who go through this way of perceiving reality they attribute reluctance to other people when things don’t go as planned. They are convinced that others willfully seek harm, even in ambiguous cases or in the absence of compelling reasons to think such a thing.
When this happens, they usually respond in two opposite and stereotypical ways: they become anxious and depressed, or they become defensive and then counterattack. A third option combines the previous two.
“Do you think you have some responsibility for what happened?” I asked a patient who had just recounted a discussion with his partner.
“Are you telling me I’m responsible for everything?” he replied, visibly angry.
4. Extreme comments on its virtues
Another typical characteristic of such people is that they are often disqualified, or on the contrary exaggerate and magnify their own achievements, especially when these are small or irrelevant.
They are easily recognized when heard about their profession or job, which they come to regard as of unusual importance or sometimes the panacea itself. They need to believe this to feel like they are a big part of the world.
Not long ago, I overheard two astrologers arguing on a TV show.
“Astrology is a science,” one said vehemently. “No, it’s not. It’s just a discipline, but not a science,” said the other, visibly more relaxed. “I tell you yes, it is a science! ‘All my life I have devoted myself to astrology and I tell you that it is a science!”
Now let the reader guess which of the two women has low self-esteem and which has high self-esteem.