When we feel that we are no longer happy, that we are not comfortable with the life situation in which we find ourselves, we must not resign ourselves, we must take the reins of the situation and find a way to start over and be happy.
There are different strategies that can help you achieve this, but it’s also important to know that it doesn’t work. So, in this article we will talk about the decision to change and start overhow to deal with it and what strategies can be helpful to achieve it.
Change and start from scratch to be happy
We know that life cannot be easy, it is a road with ups and downs, a journey in which we can find a dead end, a point where we cannot or do not want to move forward and we must change course. to keep moving forward. We must not resign ourselves, and no matter how much we are afraid to leave our present life, we must consider it as an action to be improved.
Uncertainty, not knowing what can happen, scares us, and it can cause us to stop striving to achieve our goals for fear of what might happen. When we are no longer comfortable with our life situation, when we are no longer happy, or when we realize that we have made a mistake, we are the only ones who can help us regain our well-being.
Strategies for starting over
Once we have decided to change, start again, we can use psychological strategies to facilitate the process. As we have seen, change is not easy, especially if it is related to such an important factor as what we want to do with our lives. Let’s see what advice we can follow to make this start as positive as possible.
1. Embrace change
Although it seems logical and obvious, sometimes it’s not so simple and you have to work on yourself to accept change. It can happen that in our mind there arises an opposition between wanting to change and the fear that pushes us to do so, so that we can activate a defense that causes the self-sabotage of the change itself. For this reason, it is necessary that we first take the time to accept what we want and what we are going to change, bearing in mind that we are going to start a complex and difficult process.
When it comes to such a big change as starting over in life, you shouldn’t be in a hurry to act; we will try not to do it impulsively. We will carry out this reflection with reference to aspects of the past, present and future. For change to be better and achieve our goals, we need to assess what things from the past we want to change and do differently. They repeat themselves, and how to face the future we want to achieve and the goals we set for ourselves.
3. Positive approach
Although it may seem like typical advice to look at life in a positive way, it can help us to value the process we find ourselves in in a positive way, because even if it does not assure us that things are going well, our state to deal with them will be better, which will make it easier to overcome adversity. Also, seeing the past, the bad experiences or the mistakes we made, as events that allowed us to learn, it also promotes change and well-being with oneself.
There are facts that if we could erase ourselves from our lives, but since that is impossible, the best we can do is to accept them and make the most of them, which will serve as a reminder, a warning, so that the same thing does not happen again.
4. Reconcile with your past
In order to move forward and change for the better, we must first come to terms with what happened in the past. We may have been wrong, we may have experienced difficult times, events that affected our condition, but to improve our quality of life. we can’t just pretend nothing happened and deny what happened, we must work, accept and relocate what happened to continue living without affecting us. Facing and forgiving what happened is the only way to overcome it.
5. Set realistic goals
In order to stay motivated and keep moving forward, especially in the beginning when the fear is most intense, it helps us to see that the small steps we take are positive and rewarding. For this reason, we must try to make the goals we set ourselves realistic, especially those that are short term and possible to foster progress, reduce fear, and confirm that the decision to change we have made is the right one.
6. Everyone is wrong
Life is not always easy, so we are likely to make mistakes; We must be aware of this and accept that It’s a normal thing that can happen and that we can use as a way of learning. Forgiving oneself for the mistakes made and keeping in mind that one can make mistakes again without it being a failure, facilitates a better state of oneself and of our environment.
7. Take your time
All the processes we have discussed so far for accepting, reflecting and reconciling require time, we cannot pretend to start from scratch and that everything goes well or that we feel comfortable from the first moment. We will need some time to assimilate what is happening and the changes that are taking place. For this reason, it is important to give ourselves a period of adaptation and not to try to run or to go faster if we do not feel comfortable. For example, whatever your project, make it easy for the first few days to achieve your goals.
8. The benefits of social support
Feeling supported by the people we love is essential, not only in situations of change, but at all times in our lives. No matter how much you change, it’s up to you how you want to go about it. advice, opinions and ultimately social support will make the process less difficultwithout having to walk it alone.
9. Walk away from evil
Starting over does not always have to involve breaking with all our past, there may be aspects or people that benefit us and that we do not want to break. But we also need to be aware of what hurts us and we need to stay away if we really want change and for it to be positive. Avoid situations that bring out the worst in you or bring you back to the past self or people who don’t look out for your well-being, judge your past actions, or don’t allow you to progress.
10. Take control of your life
We have already pointed out that you must be the one who accepts and makes the change, so you must be the one who is convinced and wants to make it. The hectic life in which we find ourselves sometimes does not allow us to act as we want or to be influenced by others, letting time pass without really doing what we want and without feeling good.
Ultimately, you are responsible for your own decisions. for this reason, try to make it your choice, even if you realize later that you were wrong. It is better to take risks by making your own decision of which you are not convinced, than to live by following the decisions of others.
11. Be flexible
Flexibility is one of the most important skills to be able to progress and adapt both to what is happening outside of us and to what we feel inside. To be able to accept and effect change and start from scratch, it is essential to be flexible; otherwise, we will always live anchored in the past without being able to start a new life.
It does not matter and we must have a plan or, as we said, objectives that we want to achieve, but if we find that the strategy used is not functional, we cannot remain focused on this behviour. You have to vary and try another way of managing the situation, another way. We may need to change more than once.
13. Express how you feel
Just as it’s good to have social relationships and feel supported, it’s good to express how you feel about the process of change. We start a new life with the uncertainty and difficulties that this entails, while communicating and externalizing what we feel will help us to become more aware of it, to organize ourselves and to relax.
14. Trust yourself
You are the one who must lead and choose the path you want to take and follow.. Therefore, it is important that you trust yourself and that no matter how wrong you are, you may lose confidence in yourself.
15. Do not hesitate to ask for help
If you find yourself overwhelmed by the situation, you feel lost, not knowing which direction to take, how to proceed, Do not hesitate to seek help from a psychotherapy professional. Ultimately, starting a new life involves many changes which, as we have said, cause us uncertainty and fear, so it is very useful to have the support of a trained person who can give us useful strategies for our particular case.
- Balboa, R. (2014) Reboot Guide to Guide Your Life. Platform.
- Miller, D. (2015) Starting Life Again. Stop reacting to life and start living with intention. Creation of your life project.
- Hayes, S. & Smith, S. (2013) Get Out of Your Mind, Into Your Life. The new acceptance and commitment therapy. Desclee de Brouwer.