It is clear that if we are to be perfectionists with something, it is our own behavior, but there are people who overdo it. And it is that while some enjoy what they do by analyzing their weaknesses and imagining ways to improve themselves, others are obsessed with used to blame themselves for all the harm that happens to them.
Stopping blaming yourself for all the bad things that happen to you is the key to improving well-being, because if you don’t get out of this dynamic, a vicious cycle appears in which pessimism and the expectation of failure make you. that it cannot be improved.
Related article: “Causal attribution theories: definition and authors”
How to stop systematically blaming for everything
In this article, we’ll go over some keys to stop blaming yourself for everything and face life with a more constructive attitude. However, remember that any process of personal development and learning has to go beyond reading, so it will all depend on whether you use these ideas to change the way you interact with your surroundings and with others.
1. Relativize the importance of guilt
Even if we are responsible for what happened, that does not mean that guilt must have plunged us indefinitely into misery. The only use for this feeling is make the memory of this negative experience last over time and get us to avoid making the same mistake. If we can learn the lesson, the reasons for continuing to be martyred have no reason to be. In other words, guilt is not a conviction: it is a learning factor.
So, nothing should cause us to think that just feeling bad is a reason why we should be in pain. In nature, rewards and punishments do not exist beyond human imagination.
2. Analyze your real weaknesses and strengths
Beyond what we would like, it is clear that everyone has their imperfections. This means, among other things, that not everyone can do anything at some point in their life. Some things do, and others only if you have a lot of practice or knowledge.
This is important to remember because it provides real information about what is really to blame and what is not.
In situations where a very complicated and difficult obstacle has arisen, there is only one situation in which one is guilty of what happened: the one in which it was obvious that this obstacle would appear, And pride or some other form of irrationality brought us to meet him. Of course, that changes if the reason we “complicate our lives” in this way was related to protecting another person.
3. Think about your relationship with the environment
People who tend to blame themselves for everything tend to be quiet in their social relationships. This means, among other things, that they very easily believe they owe things to others, they feel “powerless” in living at the expense of the goodwill and virtues of others, and they spontaneously adopt submissive roles.
The consequence is that, as people in their immediate social circle see that the person clearly lacks assertiveness and self-esteem, it is normal for them to obey and make sacrifices for others. Of course, when everyone is exerting this kind of pressure, it is very easy to fail multiple times, both because of the probability and the stress that this dynamic of social relationships produces.
So stopping blaming yourself is the key trace the signs that this phenomenon is occurring in our personal relationships. Even subconsciously, it is very easy that if we start to blame ourselves for all the evil that happens, others will do the same.
4. Practice compassion
Much of our perception of the world and of ourselves does not depend on the content of these ideas and beliefs, but on the attention we give to each of these elements. In the same way that if we only thought about poverty and suffering, we would become depressed, focusing only on its imperfections has a similar effect, plus by placing the problem inside yourself, it makes no sense to try to mend is happening: the broken one cannot mend, according to this belief.
Therefore, it is good to practice compassion, which in this case is nothing more than applying to ourselves what we usually do with the world: never forget its positive aspects.
In this sense, acceptance and commitment therapy can help a lot, as it is based on accepting a very specific set of imperfections and working to improve the rest of the aspects.