Relationships and marriages are not always a path of rosesThere are times when the situation gets complicated, as conflicts between members are frequent.
However, often these problematic situations can be even beneficial, because if the situation is resolved in a mature way, mutual learning can make the couple grow and there is a greater degree of intimacy and understanding.
Relationships are not easy
And it is that coexistence is not easy. Each member of the couple has their values, their needs, their habits, their way of understanding life.And adjusting that to the way the other member of the relationship thinks isn’t always straightforward.
Each person is a world, each couple is a world and each family is a world. Idyllically, adults must set an example and provide for themselves in everything and contribute equally to family life: in the financial contribution, in the education of their children … But when one of the two members of the couple feels that they give more than the other, the conflict can arise.
The daily life of a couple or a wedding can be stressful
And living this situation on a daily basis disrupts communication and hinders the relationship. Conflict can end up being the day-to-day of the relationship and stress can manifest itself. Many women complain that they have to do household chores in addition to their own work, devoting their entire lives to family.
So it’s no surprise that a survey in the United States, in which more than 7,000 mothers commented, found that husbands generate 10 times more stress than their own children. 46% of participants said that their partner caused them very stressful situations.
Husbands and additional stress
Some women even claimed that their husbands added work to their daily lives.They even gave them more work than their own children. To make matters worse, some participants said that while their children hardly gave them headaches, their husbands’ childish attitude bothered them a lot.
In addition, some complained that their partners did not help them with daily chores, so that they did not have free time. Obviously, these situations were stressful for them, which causes them a great perception of discomfort.
Question of expectations
These findings may be due to irrational expectations, researchers say. Many mothers know that their children will cause them conflict situations as a result of age.
However, the same is not true with husbands, as they expect them to be a support rather than a burden. “You can expect a child not to understand certain things, but not an adult to behave like that,” said one participant. Another adds: “I am physically and mentally exhausted when my husband comes home. It feels like another job to have to look for him.” We must not forget that maternal love can with everything.
And what do husbands think?
Analyzing the data, one might think that parents are the main cause of the world’s ills.. Therefore, the researchers themselves decided to find out more about their opinion on the matter. To do this, they conducted a survey of 1,500 parents, half of whom admitted to having shared custody of the children with the couple. What is strange is that of the 2,700 mothers surveyed, 75% said they did everything on their own. Many parents also confessed to feeling hurt because they believed they had a secondary role in the family. They also expressed their wish to be recognized for their efforts from time to time, at least with words of gratitude.
This study reveals that there is a communication problem and expectations in many households. Some fathers think they are doing enough and it is not recognized, while mothers think it is not true.
Whose fault is it?
Leaving aside the data from this study, the reality is that being a parent is stressful in itself.. Faced with this situation, it is easy for sparks to spring into the relationship and parents to blame the other member of the couple. Being a parent can lead to very difficult times.
And if a relationship is already complicated in itself, if you add the work of raising a child, increase the costs, etc. tensions can appear at any time. Fathers and mothers never cease to be people and are therefore imperfect. It is important that the communication of parents improves and that there is tolerance between them, because the first to suffer the consequences of such situations is the child himself.
In addition, parents also emerge unscathed from these conflictual situations.. Several studies have shown that a stressful marriage, where there is constant conflict, is detrimental to heart health as much as smoking and increases the chances of suffering from cardiovascular disease in both men and women. Swedish women have found that the risk of having a heart attack is tripled when their marriage is in conflict.
Books for parents
Almost all parents want the best for their children. But raising a child is complicated, especially with the first offspring. No one is born an expert.
For that, a good educational psychology text for parents can be very helpfulBecause even with the best of intentions, you are not always properly educated.
- If you want to buy a parenting psychology book, in this article you will find a large selection: “The 8 Most Useful Educational Psychology Books for Parents”.