Family life can be a big source of conflict which, if not properly managed, can become a ball that grows larger over time.
The reasons for this tendency to intensify certain conflicts have to do with many factors: the daily treatment (which makes it difficult to take a few days off to better sympathize with the other during the reunion), the importance of parental roles and the serious negligence in the care and education of sons and daughters, etc.
This is why sometimes many patients in therapy show a high degree of anger and resentment against one of the parents, Or both. Phrases like “hate my dad” are relatively common in this field.
Possible reasons to hate the father and how to solve
however, What to do when conflicts of this type are very intense and appear to be chronic?
There are many possible causes behind the birth of this feeling of hatred, and that is why I will focus here on some of the more common causes related to the role of parents in Western cultures.
1. If it’s out of guilt
In some cases in the family history traumatic events occur which are attributed to a particular person, although this is a simplification. It’s a way to have a target to vent the frustration on.
The figure of the father, traditionally associated with the role of protector of the family, is often the target of these recriminations. To resolve these situations, it is necessary to restructure the thought patterns and beliefs about what happened in order to adopt a more realistic perspective and with more nuance and detail.
2. If this is due to a history of abuse
In some cases, the resentment built up against the father is due to a history of sexual abuse committed by him.
These may be recent or may have been committed in the distant past, but in both cases, the solution must be through the opening of a legal channel to clarify whether these abuses have indeed been committed or not. During the process, the person must remain isolated from the influence of the father, for any physical or psychological damage that it can do to him, in addition to avoiding that manipulation based on emotional blackmail can occur. Due to the physical constitution of men, the ability of parents to use physical coercion is greater, so it is necessary to take security measures.
Any possible reconciliation between father and son or daughter must be clearly reinstated. and sufficiently proven by the first, long term.
3. If it is due to parental negligence
Parental neglect, understood as the abandonment of children and the refusal to perform the tasks of care and education that must be performed by caregivers on a mandatory basis, is a form of child abuse that often leaves its mark on the behavior of people as they become adults. . Feelings of hate are common among these footprints.
In these cases, reconciliation is often difficult, as parents who neglected taking care of and bonding with their children during their childhood tend not to feel more affection for them when they are young. are adults, which makes separation an effective strategy so that you don’t have to think about all these parenting things over and over again.
In cases where the latter are sorry and wish to start a healthy relationship with their children, the help of psychotherapeutic care is usually a necessity.
4. If this is due to communication failures
Communication failures are a source of problems and conflicts not only between parents and children, Also in the relationship of all members of a family in general. Adopting tightly demarcated family roles and creating taboo subjects can make the family feel an oppressive atmosphere in which people cannot express themselves honestly, which is usually associated with the emergence of self-esteem. -Continuous vigilance and therefore stressful, which can be a source of outbursts of anger and disgust.
In these cases it is also advisable to attend forms of psychotherapy in which one works at the same time on several of its members, to realize in this way that the communication flows.