The main concern of many people around the world can be summed up in one sentence: “I have no friends”. No one is born predestined to be alone now. In this article, we’ll take a look at some clues to understand why feelings of absolute loneliness sometimes appear, and what can be done about it.
“I have no friends”: possible explanations
The number of friendships is based on predispositions based largely on temperament and character. The difference between popular people and those who don’t have friends is mainly in personality traits.
It is common to see how, in different social spheres, there are topics that interpersonal relationships seem to be in tune with, having great ease in initiating a conversation and maintaining friendships over time.
Then we have the other side of the coin, these are the subjects that are greatly hampered by social contact, in general. they don’t know what to say during social interactionsAnxiety overwhelms them and they end up saying “I have no friends”.
However, the context also influences. Neither person with a genetic predisposition to shyness is doomed to have few or no friends, nor someone who is easy to socialize from childhood should always be very popular.
With that in mind, let’s move on to the causes that can prevent a person from having friends. In this there may be factors of aging that they have generated insecurity in the person and that this results in the absence of friends, and there are also factors of biological origin which can influence; Autism spectrum disorders are associated with a significant lack of friends.
Some people sometimes ask the question “why don’t I have friends?” and they fail to come up with too clear an answer. Below, we’ll take a look at the most common and important causes in most cases.
1. We are shy people
Be shy or reluctant to socialize it can cause us to fall into a kind of voluntary isolation from where it is very difficult for us to get out; we prefer to stay in our comfort zone rather than expose ourselves to a social situation that can be uncomfortable for us.
2. Histrionic behavior
The histrionic person is the one who she has a habit of constantly attracting attention. For these people, the conversations need to revolve around themselves, otherwise they won’t feel comfortable.
3. Cholera temperament
These are subjects that get irritated too easily. At the slightest unwanted stimulus, they are able to react with violence (verbal, physical or psychological). They have a low tolerance for frustration and this brings them as a consequence the difficulty of having friendly relations.
4. Emotional addiction
When we are emotionally dependent, we focus most of our energies on the pleasure of the person on whom we depend and we forget that we can also have healthy relationships with others.
The pathological liar in general seems to have good relations with his fellow human beings and seems to be able to form abundant social bonds, but it is nothing more than a mask, a layer of smoke that hides reality. People who lie repeatedly are unable to establish good social relationships. When others realize the lies, they end up walking away.
What to do not to feel alone and to win friendships
Now that we have seen the main causes that can make a person wonder “why don’t I have friends?” we will see what we can do to expand our social circle in a healthy way, establish lasting and quality relationships. When it comes to friends, it’s important to keep in mind that what matters most is quality, not quantity.
1. Find the things that unite you with others
It means being vigilant about things we have in common with other people. When we realize that there are coincidences in tastes or opinions with someone else, we can take the opportunity to strike up a conversation.
2. Ask for your emotions
Once we’ve been able to strike up the conversation, it’s important to ask about the other person’s emotions. This strengthens the bond and puts us on the path to a lasting and quality friendship.
3. Be vulnerable
Some believe that vulnerability is synonymous with weakness, because nothing is further from reality. When we have a friendly relationship with someone and we trust that person, we are vulnerable by showing our feelings. helps to strengthen this bond. It is a sign of trust that the other identifies and values.
4. Break with the routine
To have friends, it’s important to step out of your comfort zone and try interesting things in the company of others. For example, we may have acquaintances in the office or at school with whom we get along well, however making plans and meeting in another environment can take friendship to the next level.
5. Be close
Once we have been able to establish a friendship with someone, it is important to maintain frequent contact with that person. We’re not going to become stalkers or anything like that, but showing interest in texting about how our friend is doing is a good way to be close. We must be careful not to invade the personal space of the other or it would be counterproductive.
- Reisman, JM (1985). “Friendship and its implications for mental health or social competence”. The Journal of Early Adolescence. 5 (3): 383-91.