Loving well isn’t just about giving ourselves whims or doing things we love. Learning to love is one way of encountering our intrinsic goodness. It’s about resting deep within ourselves and trusting that we can unleash our potential and give up on harming ourselves.
Throughout our history, we store conditionings, tendencies that limit us with more or less intensity and prevent us from maintaining a state of well-being.
Learned behaviors promote hostile and harmful environments or other painful factors that are no longer needed. In our present, they close our hearts away from potentially beneficial or enriching experiences. Learning to love is to regain confidence by being able to embrace true happiness..
How to learn to love
How do we get started? Let’s look at some clues.
1. Knowledge-without self-deception
Take the path of self-knowledge. Explore our mind. How we are, what are our predominant emotions and how they affect us. We can attribute qualities that we do not have and deny others by projecting onto others what causes us discomfort.
Self-love must create an internal bond of honesty and courage. Know our faults to polish them and our qualities to enhance them. If we do not open our hearts to what is in us, we will hardly be able to love ourselves.
Give us permission to undress our masks. Find our reality without disguises or personal deceptions and embrace what we find.
2. Accept us as we are
Sometimes we reject some of our facets out of shame or out of pain. We corner them without giving them a space creating suffering and bitterness. We have to accept them. No excuse or condition.
Connect with love for us, stop hurting us and let us be happy. Abandoning the passive indulgence towards our conditioning, “I am like that and I will not change”. Open an interior space with affection and kindness where to integrate these disapproved and hidden facets. Defrost the ice cubes that we keep in dark and secluded places with love and warmth. It is only from this unconditional acceptance that we can begin to love each other..
3. Understand our packaging
Since our birth, we write our history and leave traces in our consciousness. Having information about our ancestors, the family system, the context in which we grew up will help us understand many unknowns. Expanding our outlook on our life allows us to better understand ourselves.
Compression, honesty and a good internal relationship they open our hearts to self-esteem and healthy love. Revising our biography may open resentments or wounds without closing, but we have to do it to release them.
Perhaps we need some specialist help to follow this path, if so, it is worth seeking it out. Accumulating reproaches and anger will bring bitterness to us. It will not allow us to let go of what hurts us. To love well is to help us be happy, to be our best friends. Dust off what takes us away from the intrinsic goodness of our heart and trust it to make it shine.
4. Make a commitment to us
We have acquired professional, educational, legal, contractual, conjugal commitments, etc. And us? Where are we?
The most important commitment we can keep is the commitment to ourselves. Bind us on a deep level with our heart. A commitment to take care of yourself, not to harm yourself and to protect yourself, is a vow that we must renew frequently.
We can examine how we want to initiate this engagement. Make a list of what helps us connect with our heart and what takes us away. Incorporate time into our busy lives to listen to us. Learn to truly love, without greed or deception.
5. Attend and take care of our three doors: body, speech and spirit.
To love well, you have to take care of our body, watch our mind and pay attention to our speech. There are three revolving doors on the outside that go straight to the heart. Conscious and vigilant attention to what goes in and out of them shows us a way to learn to love ourselves.
Connect to our body
The body is where we live. Through sensory awareness (taste, touch, sight, smell, hearing), we communicate with the outside. Each stimulus has bodily resonance. A caress, a step, a whisper or a cry have a very different impact.
It is easy for us to live disconnected from the body. It is difficult for us to identify our needs or to listen to our body.
To learn to love ourselves, we have to tune into frequency with our body. Learn to listen to it, to respect it. Feed it properly, give it rest, movement, care. If we are listening with all the attention paid to our senses, we will be more selective and careful with what enters our heart: noise, junk food, hyperstimulation, lack of sleep, aggressive images, over-information … we are going to filter the healthy ones better. and close the way to harmful elements.
The way we look at our body determines our relationship with it. If there is rejection or shame, we will live disintegrated. Our head will go to one side and our body to the other. We will consciously or unconsciously punish ourselves and give rise to illnesses, distortions of our reality or tendencies to self-harm. Connect-needs listening, respect and patience.
The body anchors us to the earth so that we can aspire to go further.
Look at our word
The word is a very powerful weapon. Spiritual teachers tell us, “When you are alone, pay attention to your spirit. When you are with people, keep your word.” Looking at the word is also a way of loving yourself.
We can speak without words. In these days of confinement, if we spend time alone, being aware of our internal dialogues will help us better understand how we communicate. What we call ourselves and how we do it. This inner word can easily come out of our mouths to encourage or hurt other people.
Depending on how we communicate with others, this is how we will receive a response. The relationship with others, part of a good relationship with us. If we pay attention to the way we communicate, we will provide meeting space dialogue and understanding.
Observe our mind
The mind is the head. The way we behave, communicate, take care of ourselves is born in our mind.
Thoughts or emotions are manifestations of our mind. They flow from it and dissolve in it, like ocean waves. If we train ourselves to be vigilant and mindful, we can better manage our inner world so that it doesn’t hurt us and be more full with us. Looping thoughts drag us along and steal energy. It is good to observe them and realize that there are many that are subject to change.. Distinguish the negatives and turn them into positives.
When feelings of discouragement arise, accept them, go to the root and reverse them. The challenge is to accept what presents itself without being carried away.
We must learn to love ourselves in a healthy way; be our best friends.
When self-esteem is seriously damaged, therapeutic support should be sought. Releasing deeply rooted conditionings is not easy, because we have a lot of resistance to letting go. They have been our companions for many years. If you decide to bet on learning to love yourself, ask for help, don’t doubt it is worth it.