Personal relationships, even more sentimental, are probably the most complex experience of our life..
In relationships, this is where we find the most intense and profound learning, the decisions that most condition our lives, a great source of well-being, but also the greatest challenges and difficulties.
The importance of knowing how to manage the end of a relationship
What difficulties, imprints or non-functional learning (that is to say that limit your life and condition your way of relating to yourself and to others, whether they are possible partners or not) have left your ruptures and especially your way to manage them?
I am Rubén Camacho, psychologist and coach of empoderamientohumano.com, and for more than 10 years I have been supporting people in their change process, whether with a personal or professional approach. In many cases, the difficulties people have with their personal and romantic relationships they consist of the learning that took place in a past relationship and especially in the breakup.
These difficulties and learnings affect us not only when it comes to building new relationships, but also in the personal domain, in well-being, in our emotions, and even in our work (we are emotional beings and our learning affect all areas). How to solve it? How do you unlearn what you have learned?
The challenge of overcoming a breakup
One of the most common psychological, emotional and emotional issues is the following: the difficulties of managing ruptures, and especially how to modulate how these experiences affect us in the future (It affects us over months and even years to live well and deal with new relationships).
Why are relationships such a complex psychological experience? At the start of a relationship we have an experience of dissolution, of, When a union is generated, the explanation will always be limited.
After this phase, an ego struggle arises where each member of the couple lives with their own system of beliefs, values, but also with their own fears and insecurities. To validate these emotions and achieve security, we try to coerce the other and the most important conflicts arise. Breaking up is a kind of checkmate on our own personal assessment (What you believe, what you see as right, what you feel you need), in addition to the great emotional impact it has on us and how we learn to deal with it afterwards.
It’s both a complex and transcendent subject for our lives, so I made a video that you can dive into much deeper (the article continues below the video).
What does emotional impact mean?
As we talked about in the video, we are emotional beings and we always feel emotions. At the time of the breakup or conflict with the other, we feel anger, rage, disappointment, as part of the emotions that try to help us validate our personal ideas or try to coerce the other ; but we also feel fear, insecurity, sometimes guilt or unease, and our well-being remains linked to the lived experience. Breaking up makes us feel that our way of seeing the world and seeing the relationship is ultimately dangerous.
Emotions are positive in themselves and try to help you get to know yourself, find out how you interpret situations and react to them. The problem is not the emotions but how we understand and deal with them. If we don’t do deep learning to learn to understand and deal with these emotions, they end up conditioning us, making our way of relating to us based on fear, insecurity, coercion, or an attempt to validate this. that we fear (and what we’ve been through before that).
How to deal with these emotions, above all, this results in a series of behaviors that end up sabotaging our emotional and sentimental experiences: Control of the other, insecurity, isolation, escape, emotional dependence, even selfishness. These are behaviors that we sometimes consider necessary, but which are actually based on a fear that we have not yet learned to deal with due to past experience (and which imply a significant limit to our well-being).
What emotions do you feel behind these usual behaviors in you? What do you think you’ve learned from your past relationships and breakups that you haven’t learned? What part of you should change to change what is happening to you?
To know more …
If this is your situation and you want to unlearn what you have learned to overcome what has happened and is happening through your own personal change, I make this proposal to you: on empoderamientohumano.com you will find the opportunity to plan a free first exploratory session (only if you have a real interest in living your change process). In this session, we can get to know each other, explore the problem, find the solution and take the first steps. Making a decision for your own change involves meeting with yourself, and this is where we find the biggest revelations.