These Christmas dates are approaching and we are starting to see what has happened in our lives and what we want for the future. The balance sheet is an interesting element to consider and allows us to plan. But … Did we really do what we planned?
This time it would be nice to ask why we are not doing what we always promise and give some clues to make it happen. Human beings are complex beings and there is a part of us, unconscious, with which we struggle to act. The new year arrives, with it the new projects, then, as the days go by, we become demotivated and leave them unfinished.
New goals: two interesting questions to consider
For starters, while it may seem obvious, it’s important to remember that all these activities require work. Thus arises the mirage that by magic and almost effortlessly we will achieve a transformation, that just by mentioning it, it will happen.
The fact that we’re going to start going to the gym doesn’t change; saying that we are going to learn English will not make us English speakers.
It takes effort, work, to put a part of us on this path. Without the working capacity applied to this, we will not achieve the desired goal. To be able to speak English, we have to attend all classes, do homework, take exams …; to have the figure we want, we need to exercise it: going to the gym several times a week, eating healthy, etc. In short, you can have a lot of ambition, but without the ability to work, you get sick.
The counterpart to this (leaving English or the gym) is the feeling of failure, demotivation and apologies. “Why am I going to go if I don’t see any changes”, but … have we done enough work? Do we really want this change? Are we ready to transform part of ourselves? We will quickly say yes, because we have decided to do so; but any transformation implies a metamorphosis. Acquire a sum of practices, knowledge and this openness to a new universe of knowledge (whatever it is), it’s about questioning yourself, rethinking yourself, looking at yourself and having patience.
Progress towards our goals is associated with effort
When we start something new (an activity, a job), we have to learn to be with others, to be ready to learn, to tolerate that there are differences and also to tolerate that we don’t know, that we are learning, that we are imperfect, that we have a particular time. It is often complicated.
At the same time when we started this activity or launched this new project, everything around us is mobilized, There is an impact on our relationships, on our ties. We bring something new, we change something in ourselves: we add new ways of communicating, we meet new people, new ways of doing and our circle grows. This benefits us, and if we are doing well and wish to continue on this new path, it is entrusted to us; we allow this energy to flow around us and others to identify with our transformation, transforming us as well. However, there may be those who feel attacked by this new knowledge that we acquire and therefore devalue it, at least as it should, and even discourage us.
The importance of the unconscious
The failure and success of a project or activity they are linked, in a very important proportion, to ourselves, to our unconscious desires. And that’s the other aspect to consider when considering why we are not meeting our goals.
From psychoanalysis, we work with the theory of the unconscious and we understand that the unconscious is the force that overdetermines us in each of the actions that we perform (without understanding from the consciousness why).
This means that in all our decisions, what will rule will be our desire, Always, even if it seems quite the opposite (there are pleasant desires and unpleasant desires; in general those which produce pleasure in the unconscious must be stifled because they displease the consciousness, this is the complexity of the subject ).
We are subjects of language
In a way, the words of others condition what we do, and come to approve, to integrate ourselves, to give an entity to what (from somewhere) manifests in ourselves. Many times this works as an excuse to stop the new one we are starting, which will transform us. All is not negative, often that motivates us too!
Human being we are produced by the word. Since we were children, we have been building our Self with identifications, phrases, beliefs that produce us and, in many cases, these are the ones that limit us.
Fortunately, these words can be changed, they can be changed, and they can allow us to build other meanings, other beliefs that allow us to do more things, that allow us to produce new knowledge. Don’t get sick.
We have at our disposal the tools to be able to build our own path and produce the life we want to live. Only we set the limits, believing in what we understand to be the only truth. Psychoanalysis teaches us that there is no truth, but veracity. And it also shows us that everyone is living the life they want, even illness is a way to resolve psychic conflicts. An unhealthy formula, but one that this subject has found. This is why it is vital to give him words so that instead of getting sick, he can talk about what is happening to him.
Reviewing what we have done in the past, from an analytical point of view, is of little importance for several reasons: first, because we cannot change anything that has happened, and second, because what we remember is tinged with subjectivity. secret memories). What matters is what we do in the future, the next word, the next action.
We start the New Year not only with goals, but also with the desire to work towards them. The processes of change have a time and the path is only made by walking.