Not all feelings correspond to the reality of the facts; some people have feelings that only respond to their own perception of things. Although having no real motives, there are sensations and emotions that invade us as if they came from a parallel reality.
In this article we will examine the feeling of abandonmentWe will see exactly what this irrational perception of loneliness is and how it usually manifests in people’s lives, bringing with it intense and persistent discomfort.
What is this psychological state?
The feeling of abandonment is a state of mind in which the person exhibits states of anxiety, which results in the feeling that we do not care about anyone or that we will be abandoned.
When constant feelings of abandonment are felt, a catastrophic style of thinking is adopted. That is, of any situation, no matter how small, the subject thinks that something bad is approaching, even though there is no objective reason to sink that belief.
Intrusive thoughts invade people’s minds and cause them to have recurring thoughts of abandonment; for example, “no one wants to be with me”, “I am indifferent to others”, “I have nothing to offer anyone”, etc.
While these thoughts don’t quite match the facts, something paradoxical is happening. When we are in a relationship and we have the fixed idea that the other person will leave us at any time, it ends up happening.
It’s not a coincidence, not by far, it’s due to feelings of abandonment they tend to sabotage their relationships. They walk away from people with the idea of ending the relationship before them, often unconsciously.
The ways in which an insecure subject sabotages their relationships generally have two polarities. The first is to prove a feeling of too much affection that ends up pushing the other person away, In view of which he begins to have overly possessive behaviors.
Another form of sabotage caused by the feeling of abandonment is based on an exaggerated idea of prevention, where the person who is afraid of being left alone takes the initiative and decides to abandon the other person. to avoid going through the frustration of being abandoned, Without realizing that he is the architect of his own fear.
In many ways, the feeling of abandonment can be influenced by affection issues that arise during childhood, but they can also be due to dysfunctional social contexts already in adulthood: relationships that do not flow, social isolation, etc.
How does the feeling of abandonment manifest itself?
In the next few lines, we will come back to how he usually expresses this feeling of abandonment.
1. Behaviors based on addiction
People who are afraid of being abandoned they tend to demonstrate dependent behaviors in the face of social contact, Sometimes even with the people closest to them. This leads these people to assume a role of subordination to others.
2. Affective flattening
Although it is only in appearance, when the subject has the constant idea that the people around him do not attach any value to him, he begins a behavioral model based on emotional flattening and bad mood.
3. Almost illusory ideas
Such ideas have their origin in the irrational thoughts that the person is responsible for entertaining. For example, if I think my partner will eventually end the relationship with me, I also start to shape that scenario and imagine how it’s going to turn out, in detail.
4. Exaggerated thinking
Another of the most common ways to show fear of being abandoned it is pushing beliefs to the extreme, in an exaggerated way. The subject who experiences a feeling of abandonment thinks that when the other person does not show him constantly that he feels affection for him, it is because he does not want it at all.
5. Repeat the behavior patterns
The feeling of abandonment is something that often comes from childhood, motivated by not having received an emotional education during the early stages of a child’s development.
In general, this pattern is repeated often from one generation to the next. That is, parents who have a feeling of abandonment raise their children in the same way, without showing them too much affection, either because they feel that they will abandon them too, or as a means of making them “stronger” in the face of a hostile world.
The fear of abandonment it can explode in the person attitudes of submission, Especially when accompanied by a strong emotional inclination for the other person. In this case, the subject is able to displace his own needs with the intention of maintaining the business desired by him.
Submissive people can even go through a process of degradation and anxiety as they want to keep the company of others and put aside their own opinions and principles to please the other.
7. Obsessive behavior
This pattern of obsessive behavior often occurs in several ways, for example through harassment towards other people.
An example of these situations is the so-called “stalkeo” which consists of thoroughly reviewing the social networks of the person prone to desire and requesting information about their personal life. Other forms of harassment can also occur.
On the other hand, some people, desperately, seek magical and quick solutions to their anguish and turn to places where they are promised things like “eternal love” through mystical rituals that end up being a scam. .
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- Shaffer, D. (2000). Developmental psychology. Childhood and adolescence. Thomson Editorial: Madrid.