The 10 differences between self-compassion and victimization

Everyone in their lifetime has experienced complicated situations (for example, the pandemic that started in 2019 due to the coronavirus) and yet millions of people have managed to stay strong and motivated to move forward, which could be called ” resilience ”, which is the ability of people to move on after going through traumatic times.

When faced with difficult situations, there are two very different perspectives on how to deal with them, self-pity and victimization; therefore, it is important that we know the differences between self-compassion and victimhood.

A resilient way out of difficult situations is related to “self-pity”, which is the ability to recognize that one is going through a bad time and that causes discomfort, but without martyrdom, as if it were the case we would be talking about a term known as “victimhood”; and this is because they have often come to relate to each other, although in reality they are very different.

In this article we will explain what are the main differences between self-compassion and victim status.

    The main differences between victimization and self-pity

    Below we will see 10 differences that allow us to differentiate self-compassion and victimization analyzed from the realm of psychology and mindfulness.

    1. The attitude of the person

    One of the main differences between self-pity and victimization is that self-compassion involves an active attitude, because the person is motivated to improve, to change or to seek solutions to the difficult situation that they are going through. When a person takes a perspective of a complicated situation, self-compassion can be distracted, getting away with healthy, enjoyable activities such as reading, writing, or even expressing their own emotions, even crying if they really need to. to romp. but he avoids complaining without doing anything.

    On the other hand, ** victimization involves a passive attitude, which involves emotional anchoring ** because the person does nothing to find solutions, to improve in certain aspects that make the person feel powerless. When a person takes a view of a difficult situation of victimization, they usually show sadness, complain about the situation that affected them without doing anything to deal with something that really fulfills them and s’ stop to lament.

      2. Everyone’s goal

      One of the notable differences between self-compassion and victimization is that self-compassion allows the person to be sensitive to himself when going through a complicated situation, by giving himself time to do so. express and understand what she feels, etc. which she needs right now, taking care of herself in this way is the main goal of self-compassion.

      On another side, Victimism is often aimed at attracting attention people closest to you so that they pay attention to you, and once you understand this, you can continue to show them your grievances, which could give you feedback to adopt an attitude of victim facing any future problem, without trying to do anything for himself to better handle this situation and move on.

      3. Opportunities that everyone can offer us

      Self-compassion, as understood in psychology and mindfulness, promotes self-knowledge, as it allows the subject to have an introspective vision in difficult times, so that you know how you are feeling and what actions you think you need to take and what you need to plan for your care. This perspective will allow the person to learn a lot about themselves.

      However, another difference between self-compassion and victimization is that when the subject is faced with a situation of victimization, he does not face it directly, but rather avoids the situation by not choosing introspection and self-awareness. self-knowledge to know what feelings really generate it. This perspective will encourage the subject to blame the external factors and not to examine what they are really feeling. and what is at hand to deal with an unfavorable situation that is causing you discomfort.

        4. Adaptation possibilities

        Self-compassion allows the person to adapt and come out stronger from difficult situationsthat is, it focuses on the situation from the point of view of resilience; during victimization, makes it difficult for the person to adjust to the situation and may therefore become more uncomfortable over time.

        This is another major difference between self-compassion and victimhood; moreover, when this complicated step is completed, the person who has faced this situation from victim status will need more time to recover and move on.

        5. The inner dialogue that is offered to the person

        The inner dialogue that takes place in a person from self-compassion is usually related to understanding what they are experiencing. from a compassionate perspective, which leads them to speak to themselves in a positive and constructive way.. This is another of the differences between self-compassion and victimization, because in the latter the internal dialogue would be approached from a negative perspective, so that the person is martyred with what happens to him, instead of reproducing the situation. from a resilient perspective. perspective.

          6. Degree of suffering

          Other differences between self-compassion and victimhood are usually the degree of suffering that each generates when faced with the same complicated situation.

          Self-compassion, adopting an attitude of serenity, self-care and self-consolation, the vision is more optimistic, therefore events are usually carried out that allow us to move in the right direction., therefore the degree of suffering is generally lower and there is always the consolation of thinking that you are on the right track and that the bad situation you are experiencing will be temporary.

          On the other hand, from victimization to a defeatist attitude and choosing to complain about what is going on or even blame others, the degree of suffering not only does not cease, but can continue over time. as the wailing continues.

            7. Results obtained

            One of the most important differences between self-compassion and victimhood is the results you get from choosing to deal with difficult situations or personal vicissitudes.

            Self-pity when faced with a complicated situation in an active way, choosing to seek activities towards improvement or the search for solutions reason for which a greater degree of well-being and self-realization will be obtained; while victimization, the person is stuck in grievances and suffering, so it is more difficult to come out stronger in the face of adversity.

            8. Generosity versus. Selfishness

            One of the differences between self-compassion and victimization is that self-compassion, as understood in psychology and mindfulness, involves having a vision of generosity towards oneself and even more when going through difficult times, then opt for self-care and the pursuit of well-being.

            On the other hand, from the point of view of victimization, a selfish attitude can sometimes be adopted when the person, in addition to being the victim of what happens to him, can end up blaming others for what happens to him.

              9. Authenticity vs. Handling

              From mindfulness, self-compassion is seen as real seeing, gratitude and generosity towards oneself.. Conversely, victimization can cause the person to exaggerate the suffering in order to get the attention of other people, and can even manipulate them for some benefit, and here we find another major difference between self-harm. compassion and victimization.

                10. Degree of resilience

                After experiencing several of the main differences between self-compassion and victimization, we can see that self-compassion enables the person to give him resilience to face complicated situations adaptively and come out stronger.

                Instead of victimization, by choosing to cling to the role of victim without taking the reins in search of the solution to their own problems, it is very difficult for them to acquire a capacity for resilience and reinforced spring.

                  How to avoid having a vision of victimization in the face of difficult times

                  Now that we have seen the main differences between self-compassion and victimization, let’s explain a brief decalogue of guidelines to avoid falling into the role of victim in difficult situations:

                  • Be aware of the situation and analyze the sensations and thoughts it generates.
                  • Don’t be obsessed with the origin, because sometimes looking for solutions is more useful than being obsessed with the past.
                  • Avoid complaints and choose to look on the bright side, analyzing what we can do to move forward.
                  • Avoid hurting others in order to get their attention.
                  • Don’t blame others for everything that happens to us.
                  • Analyze and recognize what was his responsibility in this complicated situation.
                  • Take on all of our adult responsibilities and get started.
                  • Take the lead in our own situation and take action to resolve our own affairs.
                  • Set yourself a set of realistic and achievable goals, and take it step by step.
                  • Appreciate and enjoy what you have, instead of constantly complaining about what you want.

                  Bibliographical references

                  • Alonso, M. and Germer, CK (2016). Self-compassion in psychotherapy and the Mindful Self Compassion program: towards fourth generation therapies? Journal of Psychotherapy, 27 (103), p. 169-185.
                  • Aranda, G. et al. (2018). To assess the effectiveness of a mindfulness and self-compassion program in reducing stress and preventing burnout among frontline health professionals. Primary care, 50 (3), pp. 141-150.
                  • Araya, C. and Moncada, L. (2016). Self-compassion: origin, concept and preliminary evidence. Argentine Journal of Psychological Clinic, 25 (1), p. 67-78.
                  • Elices, M., Carmona, C., Pascual, JC, Feliu-Soler, A., Martin-Blanco, A. & Feliu-Soler, J. (2017). Compassion and Self-Compassion: Build and Measure. Mindfulness and Compassion, 2, p. 34-40.
                  • Galvez, JJ (2012). Examination of the psychological concept of self-compassion. Naturist medicine, 6 (1), p. 2-4.
                  • Neff, K. (2012). Be kind to yourself. Barcelona: Paidós.
                  • Simón, V. and Germer, CK (2011). Learn to practice mindfulness. Barcelona: Editorial Segell.

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