The duel is one of the most difficult experiences through which a human being can pass throughout his life. Although many people associate it with death, this phenomenon can also occur when our hearts are broken or when we lose a job after many years in one place; this usually happens in situations where something is happening that we interpret as a loss.
Without a doubt, overcoming grief is complicated, so the person has to go through a series of stages in order to recover. It is a very painful experience and each individual has a personal way of going through it. Likewise, there are several types of mourningIt is therefore difficult to speak of a sequence of actions to be carried out in order to better assimilate this experience. In this article, we dig deeper into the different types of grief and their characteristics.
The 5 phases of the duel
Over the years, some theories have emerged about the stages that a person goes through in a time of grieving. One of the best known is that of psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, Published in 1969 in the book On Death and Dying.
His idea is based on the fact that there are 5 stages of the duel. However, these five phases do not always follow one another with the same placement and sequentially, that is to say that not all people in the grieving phase have to go through the 5 steps. Also when they cross them they don’t always have to appear in the same order.
According to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’ theory, the stages of the duel are:
The first of the phases is negation, which is characterized by the fact that the person does not accept reality (Consciously or unconsciously). This occurs as a defense mechanism and is perfectly normal. In this way, the individual reduces the anxiety for the time being.
The real problem arises when people get stuck at this point in being unable to cope with traumatic change, so they ignore it as a defensive response. The death of a loved one, of course, is not particularly easy to avoid and cannot be avoided indefinitely.
2. Anger or rage
sadness it can lead a person to suffer from anger and rage and to find the culprits. This anger can manifest itself in different ways, blaming oneself or others, and can be directed at animals and objects.
3 – Negotiation
At this point, the pain leads to the search for a fictitious negotiation. In fact, many people face death they try to negotiate even with divine force.
Other people, those with minor trauma, may conduct other negotiations or engagements. For example “Can we still be friends?” or “I’ll get this for you.” Bargaining rarely provides a lasting solution, but it can reduce the pain for the time being.
4 – Depression
The impact of losing a loved one can lead a person to a very painful situation, which is accompanied by tremendous sadness and existential crisis, when they realize that that person is disappearing. of his life. Again symptoms look like a depressive disorder, Once the situation is accepted, the symptoms disappear.
5 – Acceptance
This stage occurs when this painful situation has been accepted and it depends on the resources of each to accept it sooner or later. It is not a step that represents joy, but rather an emotional disaffection and an understanding of what may have happened. If the person spends a lot of time in mourning and does not accept the situation, they should seek psychological help to overcome it.
Types of losses
Since the grieving stage does not have to be the loss of a loved one, before we move on to the types of grief we will move on to the next step. different types of losses that can occur:
- relationship losses: They have to do with the loss of people. That is to say separations, divorce, death of loved ones, etc.
- Loss of capacity: Occurs when an individual loses their physical and / or mental capacities. For example, for an amputation of a limb.
- material losses: It occurs in the face of loss of objects, property and ultimately material loss.
- progressive losses: These are the changes in the stages of life: old age, retirement, etc. Not everyone fits this situation the same way.
Not all loss brings griefBut depending on one’s resources or other psychological variables (such as self-esteem or lack of social skills), the losses can cause discomfort and suffering for more or less time.
Types of bereavement
What types of grief are there? Below are the different types of grief.
1. Early anticipation
The anticipated duel is the one that it occurs before death. It is common to diagnose a disease that has not been cured. The grieving process is the usual process, in which the person experiences various feelings and emotions that anticipate and which will prepare them emotionally and intellectually for the inevitable loss.
Early grief is a prolonged grieving process, not as acute as the rest, because when death does occur it is usually experienced, in part, as something that brings calm.
2. Unsolved duel
The unresolved duel, as the name suggests, this means that the mourning phase is still present. However, it is generally referred to as the type of grief that occurs when a certain amount of time has passed (between 18 and 24 months) and has not yet been overcome.
3. Chronic duel
Chronic grief is also a kind of unresolved grief, which it does not put back in time and lasts for years. It is also called pathological grief or complicated grief.
Pathological grief can arise when the person is unable to stop reliving death-related events in detail and vividly, and everything that happens reminds them of that experience.
4. Absent duel
This type of mourning refers to when the person denies that the facts happened. This is therefore the stage of negation that we have already spoken of, in which the individual continues to avoid reality despite having spent a lot of time. In other words, the person is stuck at this stage because he does not want to face the situation.
5. Delayed duel
It is similar to the normal duel, except that its appearance occurs after a certain time. It is usually part of absent mourning, and is also called frozen mourning.. It usually appears in people who are excessively in control of their emotions and are apparently strong. For example, a person who has children and has to be whole.
Delayed bereavement usually occurs when the person suffering from it, at first, you have to take care of many things that need your immediate attention, Like taking care of a family.
6. Duel inhibited
An inhibited duel occurs when there is difficulty expressing feelings, So that the person avoids the pain of loss. It is usually associated with somatic complaints. The limits of an individual’s personality prevent them from crying or expressing their grief. Unlike the absent duel, it is not a defense mechanism.
7. Duel not allowed
This kind of mourning happens when the environment around the person does not accept the person’s duel. For example, when a long time has passed, the family blames the person who is still grieving. It suppresses feelings towards family, but hasn’t overcome it internally.
Often, this type of bereavement occurs when the deceased or gone forever has been associated with a stigma and has been excluded, at least for the immediate environment of the sufferer (for example, their family). Expressing grief can become a symbolic act that subverts certain political and social ideas. For example, if the absent person was a person’s same-sex partner and the family does not approve of such relationships.
8. Distorted mourning
The warped duel is manifested by a strong disproportionate reaction in As to the situation. This usually happens when the person has already gone through a previous duel and is facing a new grieving situation.
For example, he may have experienced the death of a father, and when an uncle dies, he also relives the death of his father, which leads him to a much more intense, painful and crippling situation.
- Team Vertex (2010). Mourning and funeral care. Editorial Verticebook.
- Payás Puigarnau, Alba. The tasks of the duel. Psychotherapy of bereavement from an integrative-relational model. Madrid: Paidós, 2010. ISBN 9788449324239.
- Worden, William J. Treating grief: psychological counseling and therapy. Barcelona: Paidós, 2004.ISBN 9788449316562.