Self-esteem is one of the most important elements in how we live life, and taking care of this aspect of ourselves is essential to enjoying good emotional balance. However, many people fall into the trap of believing that if they are consistently treated harshly and very strictly, it will allow them to fulfill themselves and be the person they want to be.
The problems caused by this tendency to treat us unfairly are not long in coming., and lead us into a vicious circle: because of the psychological wear and tear we suffer from submitting to such demanding standards that we impose on ourselves, we are doing worse and worse when we try to achieve all that we fixed ourselves. And yet, many people are unable to realize that they are adopting a very hostile attitude towards themselves that they would never adopt towards a friend.
This is where self-esteem comes in handywhich is the art of friendship with oneself and which helps us not only to be happy, but also to take control of our lives, to empower ourselves.
What is self-esteem?
We can define self-esteem as the way we humans perceive and the appreciation we have of ourselves in any area of our existencewhether in sport or performance at work, in our ability to relate to others, to consider what we know and do not know, etc.
For several decades, psychology has been responsible for studying in depth the concept of self-esteem in human beings, as well as establishing guidelines, strategies and techniques to improve it in anyone who may have deficits in self-concept.
One of the most useful strategies in this regard is to treat yourself like a good friend, a pattern of behavior that has different ramifications depending on the context in which we find ourselves and the type of personal problems or insecurities we face on a daily basis. And having good self-esteem does not mean assuming that we are capable of anything, but assuming that even in what it costs us, and even in the face of our mistakes and failures, we must maintain a constructive and understanding attitude towards ourselves- same. ., as one would like a friend whom one would like to help.
What are the benefits of treating ourselves as we would treat a friend?
These are the main advantages of not adopting a hypercritical and unfair point of view to evaluate how we are and how we behave.
1. Allow us to accept
Learning to accept and love yourself as we do with our best friends is the first step to start treating ourselves as we deserve and start the path to improving self-esteem.
Self-acceptance helps us embrace who we are as a whole, fearlessly and with determination, and by positively valuing aspects of ourselves that we may have in the past rejected or even tried to hide.
Having a positive perception of ourselves both psychologically and physically, accepting our thoughts, emotions and opinions, will help us have better self-esteem and be happier with ourselves.
2. It helps to eliminate the guilt that brings nothing
The guilt we feel throughout life for whatever reason can end up damaging our self-esteem and creating a vicious cycle of self-incrimination: that sense that we are tied to this “failed” or ” corrupt” of our past. it keeps us from thinking about improving ourselves as human beings. And it is that, although it seems counterintuitive, some people cling to guilt as an excuse for not considering change; they prefer the predictability of knowing that in the future they will continue to feel bad about their own identity, rather than the challenge of learning from their mistakes.
Guilt or justification for guilt should not be removed from our lives and it is up to us to make more accurate analyzes of reality to find out if we really feel this feeling for real reasons (and therefore allow us to learn) or for situations that we perceive ourselves.
The guilt a person feels is usually caused by judging themselves too harshly, which ultimately damages their self-esteem and mental health.
3. Allows you to exercise more positive self-judgment
Overly harsh or negative self-judgment is one of the classic traits that can be found in people with low self-esteem. And furthermore, they make it easier for others to see us from this perspective which does not favor us at all.
Starting to value our own behavior with less harsh parameters that are ours and not those of others is a great way to practice better self-esteem, which will definitely help improve our self-esteem.
In this respect, honesty and compassion are essential to make more accurate judgments about ourselves, adapted to our personal interests and not to the will of others. In this way, we can accept things from ourselves that we might have previously evaluated negatively.
4. It allows us to be true to ourselves
This new vision of ourselves will help us to be more true to ourselves and to maintain consistency between what we sincerely think, what we say and what we do throughout our lives. It helps us to respect our own values and not give in to assertiveness, bend to the will of others. It is also a key element in the development of our capacity for self-leadership.
5. Promotes a full life
Living according to one’s own convictions, being faithful to what one wants to become in life gives us the impetus and the energy necessary to tackle exciting projects and don’t give up for fear of “hurting” without clear evidence that we are not ready to achieve our goal.
In short, it helps us to live a fuller and happier life, according to our convictions, and without missing opportunities.
6. It helps us value those who appreciate us
Implementing a more respectful and cordial treatment of ourselves will also, by extension, allow us to treat those around us the same.
In this way, there is a virtuous circle of feedback in which, by treating others better, we increase both our own self-esteem and that of others.
7. It helps us get to know each other better
Practicing a more positive and cordial treatment of ourselves will increase our self-esteem, giving us the impetus to begin living fully for and by ourselves.
This new life will also allow us to discover those hobbies or interests that we had hidden or that we had suppressed in our previous life.
In addition to that, we can also find out which companies make us feel better and conversely, what kind of people should we avoid at all costs for the sake of our sanity.
Want to boost your self-esteem and leadership?
If you want to develop the potential of good self-esteem, I invite you to participate in my course”8-week MBSR Mindfulness and Self-Leadership ProgramOr to contact me to start a psychotherapy process.