In psychology, there has always been an interest in knowing the meaning of dreams. Authors like Freud and Jung have attempted to elucidate what might represent the symbols that anyone can see in their own dream world.
Many patients, worried about what they have witnessed when they are immersed in this world that only seems to present itself in the depths of the dark night, wonder: What does it mean to dream about your ex?
While this doesn’t necessarily mean we’re obsessed with our exes, it should indicate that it may have some implications, which we’ll see below.
What does it mean to dream about your ex-partner?
As Calderón de la Barca said centuries ago, “ life is a dream and dreams are dreams ”, that is, our daily reality and the world that is projected when we fall asleep are not so separate that they seem to interact in some way or another, being the diurnal, but subconscious, needs and wants, represented more symbolically in our dreams.
Psychoanalysis, led by authors such as Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung, sought to elucidate the possible meaning of the dream world, looking for any clue that explained both the psychopathology of their patients and possible problems that did not seem not be earthly. They came to the conclusion that dreams they represent aspects of our lives that are stored in the subconscious, And that we cannot find a solution for them while we are awake.
This is why dreaming about an ex can be interpreted as something of particular concern, especially if we are already dating a new partner. What appears to us in our ex-boyfriend or girlfriend’s dreams as if it were a ghost scares us because we can interpret it as an indicator that we are uncomfortable with our partner or that we are still in love or even obsessed with our previous relationship.
While psychoanalysis has contributed to the formation of psychology and its view of the dream world is made from a relatively scientific perspective, there is no empirical evidence that psychoanalytic assumptions about dreams are true, but which, well sure, are interesting.
When does something get worrying?
Dreaming about an ex isn’t as dramatic as it might seem at first glance. While this could be interpreted as a sign that we haven’t gotten over this relationship, the truth is that these types of dreams are very common, even being married or married to the love of our life. There are many reasons that can be behind this phenomenon, without necessarily being a cause for concern.
The problem arises when these types of dreams become a very common thing. We don’t talk about this, at some point while we sleep we dream about that high school girlfriend or boyfriend, our first love, our first kiss, or the last time we saw each other in one of our previous connections. To dream of an ex over and over is synonymous with something wrong with our current partner, and we have to try to find a solution.
The main reason may be that, being in the current relationship, we feel emotional gaps or we go through love issues, Which makes us think of relationships that, although they have already ended, these, at some point in their history, were happier than the situation in which we find ourselves now.
However, there is another reason which is radically opposed to the above. The reason our ex is presented to us in a dream is not because we are living in a current relationship worse than the previous one, but the end of our previous love affair ended so badly, that there is still wounded to heal. The result was so disastrous that while we don’t want this relationship to resurface, we believe that we have to do things right, in a healthy way for the two former members of the couple.
Another reason these types of dreams appear is insecurity. It’s normal that when you start dating a new partner, the relationship doesn’t feel like a stable thing, even though love comforts us a lot and we live in a world of fantasy and color. The ghosts of past relationships and their failure, be it the lightest or the most tragic, is something that influences how we start a new relationship. The memories of our previous couples appear and make us think that maybe this relationship will fail.
These memories make us aware of the lack of success in our previous relationships.No matter how healthy its ending is, they show up while we are sleeping, as an indicator that we are aware of the relationship and chances are it will not turn out well. This can be bad, because it can make us believe that relationships are not ours and that we will end up alone sooner or later, or very well, because it invites us to be forewarned and to avoid making the same mistakes as in others. previous ones. .
Dream about your ex having sex
While one can dream of an ex in many ways and in a variety of contexts, mating with him or her particularly attracts the attention of the individual who has slept. Due to the obvious sexual nature of sleep, doubts about how satisfied or satisfied someone is in bed and not our current partner is not delayed.
But really, the meaning of that kind of sleep, rather than just being sexually disgusted with the current partner or the previous relationship giving more pleasure in bed than we are getting out now, is a little deeper. It may mean that you lack privacy with that person.Although it may be true that a part of us wants to consume our most sexual and carnal desire. However, it can mean that we are not sexually satisfied with our current relationship.
It’s normal to have erotic dreams with an ex, since that person hasn’t lived our lives like everyone else. This person offered us stimuli, both sexual and otherwise, but pleasurable, which they had ceased to receive when the relationship broke down. These stimuli, as if it were a drug, had stuck to our brain. Be alone or with a new partner, we must try to get used to living without the sensual stimuli of the previous relationship.
Your ex and someone else
Dreaming about an ex while having sex is a worrying thing, but it turns out to be much more painful to dream about this same person but while doing it with your new partner. He doesn’t like, most of the time, to imagine himself as our ex, with whom we share so much and to whom we have given him a lot of privacy, now lives in the most intimate way possible with another person who is not. it’s just not us.
We continue to unconsciously maintain a bond of belonging to this ex, Although the relationship is already broken and, in truth, we are now related to different people. Even though we consciously know that we haven’t dated him or her, the feeling of seeing him with another person is a feeling of jealousy.
What can we do?
Like we said, dreaming about an ex doesn’t have to mean a bad thing, but it is worth trying to see what the origin of this dream is, especially if it becomes a bit recurring and causing us trouble. ‘discomfort once we open our eyes.
If the reason our ex is introduced to us in dreams is because we think the relationship could have ended in the best way, it’s not a bad choice to try, after awhile, to stick with it. him or her again. It takes time so that, in the event that the rupture is particularly traumatic, the most superficial wounds heal while the ones we want to correct will become the reason we want to see that person again.
It should be noted that if you try to take this route, two situations can arise: either that our ex doesn’t want to know anything about us or that something similar has happened to him, that he wants to find a definitive and healthy solution. stress and be friends or at least adults who can talk and solve problems.
On the other hand, if the cause of all this is insecurity or if you are going through a situation of particular tension with the current relationship, the best option is go to couples therapy. Whether it is for some sort of dissatisfaction in bed, or for conflicts of all kinds, the best way to avoid comparing our relationship with a previous one is to fall asleep, it is to go to a professional and explain the content of dreams. , by relating them to the situation the couple is going through.
It is possible that, depending on the psychological trend, the professional opts for a more symbolic vision, as psychoanalysis does, or approaches it in a more scientific way, by focusing on the dynamics of the couple, by presenting therapeutic programs that will have place at a time. in consultation and at home or in the space shared by the two lovers.
- Frígola, VB (2000). Ortega, Freud, psychoanalysis and the interpretation of dreams. Journal of the History of Psychology, 21 (2), 631-658.