Lack of confidence, fear of failure and self-doubt are feelings that plague us at different times in our lives, preventing us from giving the best of ourselves.
Why do they arise? Can we do something to overcome them? And especially: What could we do if we weren’t afraid?
Loss of trustworthy
There are many reasons that can promote insecurity in people, causing them to lose confidence in themselves and their abilities. However, five of them are generally more common. We describe them below.
1. Expectations too high
Perfectionism, like any other human quality, is adequate in its true measure. While it is good to try to increase our successes and improve ourselves as people, being happy with our results can never be a problem.
2.judging oneself with excessive severity
Many people tend to judge and criticize, find the negative, and make bad predictions about their own abilities. As a result, they can sometimes become convinced that they are not good enough at what they do or that they do not have the qualities to compete.
3. Care about fear
Everyone has fears and apprehensions. However, this is not a problem. Giving too much importance to our fears or worrying too much about them can limit our lives, however..
4. Lack of experience
Poor practice in a given area reduces the likelihood of feeling comfortable at the time of its execution. If we are not confident in our skills and abilities, we will feel a strong fear of performing a certain activity.
5. Lack of skills
As it is intuitive, it is not natural to feel confident about doing something unless we consider ourselves good at it.
How to improve self-confidence
As our previous skills and experiences forge the “mattress of confidence”, it will be our actions (albeit unreliable) that will gradually provide us with peace of mind and certainty in our competition. What could we do if we weren’t afraid to fail?
The trainer in acceptance and engagement therapy Russ harris reveals four stages in the trust cycle to achieve consolidation:
1. Practical skills
Swimming is learned by swimming. To fish, to fish. It doesn’t matter if you know the theory, in order to acquire skills in an area, you have to put it into practice. If one avoids situations that challenge him, he will never be able to try or improve his own skills.
2. Apply it effectively
In order to be able to develop properly in what we do, we need to be able to focus on it, What in psychology is called mindfulness. If we get caught up in our thoughts or feelings, we will not be fully involved in the task, so we will lose efficiency and our results will get worse.
3. Evaluate the results
The human tendency to perfectionism leads us to want to do everything quickly and well. Uncritical self-examination and understanding self-motivation is the right way to give feedback.
4. Make the necessary changes
Modify the actions that lead us to mistakes, Depending on the results obtained, it helps us to improve our results, thus increasing our performance.
Basic rules of trust
The trust gap is where we get caught when fear gets in the way of our dreams and ambitions. So is fear bad?
It is common to hear that this is a sign of weakness that reduces our performance in what we do. However, this is not true. Trust is not the absence of fear, but a different relationship with it. As he points out Eleanor Roosevelt: “We have gained strength, courage and confidence with each experience in which we have decided to face fear in the face. The danger is to refuse to face it, not to dare.”
And is that, as he maintains the first rule of trust of HarrisActs of trust come first, feelings later. If we are to grow and develop as human beings, we must take risks outside our family territory (known as the comfort zone) and step into the unknown.
Despite what we may think, we must not wait until we are confident to act, otherwise we can wait a lifetime. And you? What would you dare to do if you weren’t afraid?
- Harris, R. (2012). A question of trust. From fear to freedom. Santander: Sal Terrae.