Why am I afraid of life? Possible causes and what to do

Everyone has big dreams in this life. Regardless of age, gender, culture or race, we all want to become happy and reaching our big, vital milestones is a great way to get closer to happiness.

But just as these goals satisfy us enormously once they are achieved, the path that leads to them, with their efforts and their sacrifices, is not comfortable and even scares us but of course, if we do not dare to risk ourselves or suffer on the way. that leads to our success simply will not succeed.

Many people want to achieve their goals but fear the efforts that precede them. They say, “If by striving I can get what I want and be happy, then why can’t I?” Why am I afraid of life?“Below we will discuss this issue in depth.

    Why am I afraid of life?

    Being afraid of life is quite common, but oddly goes very unnoticed.. Pretty much everyone has felt it at some point in their life, coming forward with very deep feelings, with an uncomfortable feeling in their chest and seeing the world worse than it actually is. The fear of life is not, in itself, to be afraid to live, but to begin the stormy path that leads us to be able to enjoy it.

    Life is not a path of roses. To be able to enjoy it, to be able to live with all the letters, we must take risks in the decisions we make, invest in our happiness by making effort and sacrificing immediate pleasures to achieve our long-term goals. These are changes that are not comfortable and the uncertainty that accompanies them is scary, especially if we move away from our comfort zone, but we must understand that if we do not change habits we will not change our lives, have to resign ourselves to our current situation.

    It is true that fear can act as a protector to make decisions that are too crazy, but being afraid of anything that deviates from what we are used to, even though we know doing them will bring us closer to what we have. offers. , that limits us a lot. Being afraid is natural, but letting it slow us down to achieve our dreams and goals can turn into a real tragedy.. If fear controls us and convinces us that the effort will be wasted, we will not move forward. We will have given up before taking the first step.

    But to live means not only to achieve great vital goals, but to be happy as we are. Being afraid of life can also mean doing the same as other people, “going about it safely”, following the current fear that if we show how we really are, others will judge us. No one wants to feel like this is wrong, but it is much worse to be wrong by just showing others what we really are and what other people do not understand. We can’t be happy if we don’t take risks and behave the way we really want to see what is going on.

    Understanding the fear of life

    Fear, as an emotion in general, is necessary for our survival. When we feel fear it is because we feel that something bad is happening to us and we need to be careful. Humans and other animals fear the dangers that cause us to fight or flee. Either way, fear motivates us to protect our physical and mental integrity. and, in essence, survive with as little harm as possible.

    However, a peculiarity of human beings is that we can feel fear in the face of something that has not yet happened, and also interpret it as more threatening than it really is and therefore avoid it when. it may not be necessary. What we interpret as “dangerous” may not be at all or, if it affects our physical and emotional integrity, it may do so in a gentler and more temporary way than we think. Maybe we deprive ourselves of a great experience by thinking it’s a powerful threat.

    As we said, being afraid of life limits us, prevents us from moving forward. For example, we think of someone who wants to get in shape because he is not comfortable with his body and this lowers his self-esteem. He believes that being in shape will look great in the mirror, he will feel confident and be more successful in his social relationships and that is why he decides to join a gym to make his dream come true.

    But even though he’s supposed to go three times a week and do some strength training, like lifting weights or signing up for a “body pump,” he doesn’t comply. Does he make excuses saying it’s because he is running out of time or because he has other more important tasks to do, but if being in good shape is his dream, something he does? he thinks will make him happy, maybe going to the gym is not a priority? His current situation lowers his self-esteem and he doesn’t like life, With which he prolongs his current suffering.

    As we deepen our research, we find that staying in his current comfort zone makes him feel bad, he imagines going to the gym might cause him more emotional pain than he already feels, when he is aware that it is necessary to get in shape. Yes, he wants to be in good shape, but he is afraid that when he goes to the weight corner, he will do the exercises badly and other users will look at him strangely, making fun of him inside. His fear is this, feeling humiliated, even though it’s an imaginary fear.

    As we can see from this example, the steps that lead us to success can be seen in such a threatening way that our natural reaction is to avoid them. The problem is that many times as we did not face these steps necessary to achieve what we set out to do, we do not know how “dangerous” they are. In fact, we didn’t even check to see if the situation we were imagining was real from a distance or just the product of our biased mind.

    With this case we just discussed, how real is your fear of being judged by other users? He doesn’t know how real it is because to begin with he didn’t check it out, fear is blocking him. Fear of what we don’t know is a natural thing and until we try it, we won’t know if there is reason to fear it. For this reason, it is necessary to get out of our comfort zone in order to be able to live life because, as we have mentioned, without risk and effort, it is not possible to know to what extent the situation is as serious as it is. ‘we imagined it.

    Possible causes

    One of the reasons for fear of life is a person’s own experiences, as well as their perception of themselves. He or she has had experiences in which he or she has “learned” that it is not worth it, that success belongs to other people, or that trying to do it is very likely to be wrong. I even if it doesn’t go wrong you may also think that you are not going to make it perfect and clear, to do it half better not to do it.

    The fear of life can be so limiting that not only do we take our current dreams for granted, but we also stop focusing on all the good things we have accomplished. We may have had so many failures lately that we have created absolute losers for ourselves, stopping doing something new assuming it will also go wrong. The way he focuses on recent failures ignores or despises the successes you have had in your life as the victim of a powerful negativity bias, a negative view of our personal history that makes our self-esteem lower than that. which is already in itself.

    Another factor that keeps us from getting down to work on our way to achieving our goals is the fear of failure. We all know that failure is a very nasty thing, seen by many as real physical pain. Many people are so afraid of the pain of failure that they do their best to avoid it.Being the safest way directly does not start the path to your goal. If the way is not started, there is no suffering, but neither is there any success. This is why the fear of failure is a major obstacle to achieving our goals.

      How to overcome the fear of life?

      Everyone knows stories of famous people who achieved what they set out to do, big winners who we envy because we feel they achieved goals and dreams that made them happy. Although we know that these people are flesh and blood, we attribute to them special abilities and skills, we think they are very different from us. As we convince ourselves that they are made of another paste, they are naturally successful, while we simply will not succeed..

      It is true that each person is different and has their strengths and weaknesses. There will be things that will get better and worse for us but that doesn’t mean that people are better than others, but they excel at different skills. Like real successful people, they too are afraid of life like everyone elseOnly with the difference that they were able to cope with it, they overcame the fear of life and just started living it. They know that without risk, without suffering and without effort there is no gain and they have got rid of the fear that was holding them back.

      Just as they have learned to deal with their fear of life, so can we. Basically, there are two aspects to consider in overcoming the fear of life, one is to change your attitude and the other is to stop focusing on the past, besides being very clear. that everything in this life involves suffering a little, a suffering necessary to be able to succeed afterwards.

      Change attitude

      To live without fear of life, you must change your attitude towards everyday life.. It is essential to put aside the negativity that makes us see things worse than they really are, as well as to stop convincing ourselves that we are not worth it. To achieve this, we must ask ourselves and find out where the feelings of fear come from, what is the source of the fears to initiate the change so necessary to be happier and achieve what we want to achieve.

      Perhaps we grew up in a very strict family where mistakes were seen as symptoms of weakness and worthlessness. It is possible that in our minds our desire to accomplish what we set out to do runs up against the fear that any mistake will be seen as synonymous with total failure., A feeling that, as we mentioned earlier, some experience real physical pain.

      It can also happen that we have had so many disappointments lately that we do not see ourselves able to initiate a change because we are not willing to experience new ones. Even though we have a history of having triumphs, there are times when we have such a bad streak that we don’t want to feel pain anymore and that’s why we were paralyzed, static. But as we have already insisted, if we do not do something, we will not be able to progress.

      Either way, the way we perceive failure, we need to change our attitude towards it. Far from being synonymous with the most absolute incapacity, it should be seen as something that can be learned, that teaches us not to do things or motivates us to try more often. As we said, life is not a path of roses and if we stand still we will not be successful. It is not possible to be successful without suffering and you should never give up. If he fails a fifth time, a sixth is attempted.

      If our way of seeing the world is too pessimistic, and no matter how hard we try, we can’t change the way we view our little failures, the best thing to do is go to a professional.. Psychologists are experts at encouraging changes in habits, helping their patients to progress in life. In fact, most of the winners place a very positive value on psychological therapy, because that is what made them change the course of their lives, a change that is also within our grasp.

      Focus on the present

      Often times, these fears are the result of a mind too focused on the hypothetical and not focusing on the present moment. The mind often deceives us, tries to put us in the worst possible situation, overwhelms us with all kinds of intrusive and irrational thoughts that, although very unlikely, overwhelmed us, constantly making us think about all the bad things that could happen. This is why one of the best strategies to manage is simple: live here and now.

      In fact, the experience of living here and now is a protective factor for our mental health. There is only one time when we can act to change our future: the present. Instead of thinking about the bad things we did in the past and the supposedly unpleasant situations in the future, it’s best to try and initiate changes now. If we have the opportunity to enjoy life now, the time is right.

      On the other hand, if you have to do something nasty so that you can enjoy life much later, then that should be done as well. All that needs to be done now, we need to think about how our current behaviors influence what the future will be, not how we imagine what it will look like.

      Bibliographical references:

      • Hofmann, SG, Dibartolo, PM (2010). “Introduction: Towards an Understanding of Social Anxiety Disorder”. Social anxiety. p. xix – xxvi.
      • Goleman, D. (1996). The practice of emotional intelligence. Barcelona: Kairós
      • Oñate, M. (1989). The concept of self. Formation, measurement and implications for personality. Madrid: Narcée.
      • Schiraldi, GR (2016). The Self-Esteem Workbook. Second edition. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.

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