Being in the presence of our emotions without fear, without guilt and without shame is the key to begin to release the blockages that prevent us from moving forward towards our adult life projects.
Calming the soul without taking the pill of avoidance or flight is the real inner work, which invites us to face what we dread so much: reaching a certain age without having “succeeded”, loneliness or the fear of to feel lost, or to continue in this work which makes us unhappy.
The need to accept our emotional side
We were taught that success is more important than embracing with compassion and acknowledging our pain.. We were taught to play heroin and heroes, there is no worse mistake than this.
Emotions are our inner compass; not knowing how to manage them leads us to create wounds which in adult life are chains that weigh on the body, in decisions, in the inability to carry out our projects, or to leave places and relationships for fear of death. solitude.
In childhood, in particular, we form a series of emotional programming that we activate in situations that we feel are threatening.
For example, if we were overprotected as girls, we might develop an evasive personality: it will be difficult for us to trust our abilities and we will panic in situations where we have to test our skills, so we prefer to flee, with few spaces where we feel confident to be ourselves.
Until we fully realize it Running away is just the mechanism we’ve learned to use to avoid pain if we feel rejected or inferior, we will continue to view life through that lens we know as personality, the product of a combination of several aspects:
- Family: both from the nucleus and from the genealogical tree, we inherit from these certain models or programs.
- Individual: our characteristics, such as temperament, accompany us from birth.
- Social: When we come into the world, we are expected to play a role in family and society.
All these, they shape our unconscious patterns and they are the source for recognizing what makes us feel stuck. To give ourselves the possibility of connecting with the emotional part that overshadows us, that is to say, which leads us to be reactive, is to be able to question the personality on which we have built a way of seeing the reality and that through the emotions we imprint a certain force and intensity.
What is the challenge of not running away from these overflowing emotions that frighten us so much?
Recognize that they come from unresolved emotional needs and that we learn some strategies to compensate for them. Let’s take an example, “being the nice girl”, this character that I find so much in consultation: for the desire to be seen by mom, dad, caregivers…
We become a character who can’t say “no” and she wants to satisfy everyone (combined with the fact that, socially, this is what is expected of the female role); There will come a time when we have already repeated this pattern so much that we will end up identifying with it.
In adulthood it will limit us when it comes to realizing our projects, because building them means giving up the expectations that others have of us. If you follow me here, my invitation is: do not run away from what hurts you! The pill won’t last forever, go straight to recognizing those personality programs that caused you to act automatically.
The moment the overflowing emotions arrive, shut up, feel the discomfort they generate for you, connect with the girl / girl inside, accompany her to stop seeing the world as a threat, so that she no longer negotiates her being in need of validation.
When we allow ourselves to inhabit all this emotionality, there will come a time when a part of us will invite us to calm down.
This is how the part of us that is the seed of serenity will begin to become visible and allow us to be with the girl of adulthood again, to tell her: you are enough, here and now you will good. The key will always be to come back to ourselves, to teach the mother and the father not to look outside for what is already inside.