There is a belief that we have internalized so much that it is often difficult to realize that we fall into the resulting irrationality. This belief consists of the idea that in any fact or experience in our life there is always something positive and something negative. We have a conception of reality in which everything can be both a blessing and a curse, if we learn to focus our attention on all its facets and nuances.
This belief is very persistent, and although we don’t realize it is expressed in different ways. However, sometimes this is hardly a problem for us, while others can end up compromising our sanity. For example, when we are faced with a serious crisis in our life and think about it the idea of ”thinking positively”, focusing our attention on the beneficial component who’s supposed to have the situation.
Facing sadness is necessary
Can you imagine how absurd it would be to tell a person that they should get well? It’s more or less what we do to ourselves if we insist on thinking so positively when we have important reasons to be very sad or angry.
There are experiences in which, whether we like it or not, we need to position ourselves in the face of sadness and anger. We can accept that he’s there and strive to get out of this emotional crisisWe can make this part of our conception of life and assume that everything that isn’t about feeling bad is not genuine, or we can try to ignore it. In theory, most people are able to see that the first option is appropriate and beneficial while the second is not; however, the third generates more division of opinion.
After all, isn’t ignoring pain the underlying motto of the “live in the moment, don’t complicate your life” philosophy of life?
If what we feel here and now only matters, the suffering seems like an absolute waste of time, then the best thing seems to be not to: think positively even in the saddest or disappointing times. Of course, that’s a very consistent idea with the idea of always choosing an optimistic interpretation of things. The only problem it has is that it often doesn’t work or, in fact, can make the situation worse.
Why thinking positively can constantly hurt
The problem with this here-and-now philosophy-based approach to sadness is that our decisions don’t have absolute power over our emotions. When we realize that there is something that makes us very sad, it is impossible to walk away from it and decide what to do with it like a scientist might with a petri dish looking through a microscope. We have to decide what to do with this emotion, Not with it, and therefore ignoring is not an option.
What if we prefer to show that we have this power to manipulate our emotional state at will? Take an example: a middle-aged man sees the dog that has been accompanying him for twelve years run over. Faced with such a situation, he decides to focus on the positive, which in this case is having happy memories with the animal and being able to reflect on what this experience has taught him.
The first problem with this is that the first step to thinking positively is that you seem to be thinking positively, that is, not crying. Having to control crying this makes the experience even more painful, because, among other things, it forces the man not to think about certain things which he knows in advance and which would make him cry. This means that in practice it is impossible for him to perform those actions which are supposed to be the positive side of having had a dead dog.
But there is yet another element that makes positive thinking bad at all costs: it prevents us from normalizing the experience. If we try to ignore the sadness that something is causing us, we never come to terms with it, which means we get stuck in the grieving process; we just don’t know how to move forward. It must be assumed that it is not possible to show that the emotional impact of a bad experience does not exist so that we can manage the relationship that we will have with that feeling.
Removing sadness or anger doesn’t work
Often, we fall into the trap of thinking about emotions, feelings and sensations in an overly essentialist way. We label sadness, anger, and other similar mental states as “negative emotions”. and we try to make them not part of our daily life any more. In some contexts it is effective to de-dramatize certain situations, but when the discomfort is very intense, resilience cannot be based on suppressing emotions.
When dealing with the emotions that make us feel bad, we should always consider the most important factor in these cases: weather. Since from our decisions and our rationality, it is not possible for us to control this emotional side that characterizes us as the animals that we are, we must let time help us.
If we accept sadness, little by little time will lead us to accumulate opportunities to distract our mind with things other than thoughts about what makes us sad. This way we will reach a point where we can think of everything, even what made us feel bad, without feeling the same pain we experienced a few days ago, When we did the same.
Mental wellness, in short, is being able to look back and recall experiences without feeling limited by our emotions. Thinking positively at all costs, which in practice forces us to ignore certain memories and ideas, is just one way of naming this limitation and ignoring the fact that it will not go away on its own if our struggle against unrest is to strengthen its power. on us.