Irvin D. Yalom’s 100 Best Phrases

Irvin David Yalom is a psychotherapist, professor of psychiatry at Stanford University, and author of novels in which he merges literary fiction with the tenets of various psychological theories or the daily life that experts in this field can live, but with a touch of fancy. .

In this compilation of phrases by Irvin David Yalom you will find some interesting thoughts that inspire you and help you understand this author’s philosophy of life.

    Table of Contents

    Irvin David Yalom’s most memorable phrases

    To learn more about the career and life of this psychologist and writer, we offer you a collection of phrases and reflections by Irvin Yalom.

    1. Each person must choose how much truth they can bear.

    Not everyone is ready to listen to the truth.

    2. Loving means being actively involved in the life and growth of another.

    Love is about helping us out, not keeping us tied down.

    3. It is easier, much easier, to obey another than to command oneself.

    Why do we tend to please others and not ourselves?

      4. To be able to have a relationship with another person, you must have a relationship with yourself.

      If you’re not happy with who you were, you can’t be happy with someone else.

      5. It’s easier to deal with a bad reputation than a bad conscience.

      Very few people are able to listen to their conscience.

      6. You get to the truth – continues Nietzsche – through disbelief and skepticism, not through childish desire for something to happen.

      Truth is the result of what we seek to resolve our ignorance.

      7. I reduced my obligations to one: to perpetuate my freedom.

      Freedom is being able to do what we love in our life.

      8. You have to choose between comfort and real research!

      Not everyone is able to see reality because it can be very cruel.

      9. You must be prepared to burn yourself in your own flame. How could you become new if you hadn’t turned to ashes before?

      We can’t achieve true success if we don’t learn from our mistakes.

      10. Marriage and its surroundings of possession and jealousy enslave the mind.

      A marriage without love or commitment is like a prison.

      11. To build children, you must first be built yourself. On the contrary, you will seek children for animal needs, or for loneliness, or to repair the holes in yourself.

      Having children to fill some kind of void will not allow you to form a stable family.

      12. Loneliness only exists in loneliness. When shared, it evaporates.

      Loneliness is that space of despair and discomfort with ourselves.

      13. If you want to choose the pleasure of growing up, prepare for a little pain.

      When we suffer, we learn things that we cannot know otherwise.

      14. The pain is there, when you close a door, press to enter from another side.

      We cannot avoid pain, but we can choose how we react to it.

      15. Only the wounded healer can truly heal.

      We heal completely when we accept what happened and can leave it behind.

      16. We become strangers.

      Part of growing up is letting go of those people who don’t follow the same path as you.

      17. It is not the truth that is sacred, but the search for our own truth! Is there an act more sacred than self-seeking?

      When we know each other perfectly, we are able to fight for what we want, regardless of what others say.

      18. True choice, complete choice, can only flourish under the radiance of truth.

      Remember that any choice you make can change your future.

      19. Trust in God is not an election for a man. It is not a human choice, but the search for an illusion external to us.

      There are those who cling to their beliefs so as not to be held accountable for their actions.

      20. Tell me to die at the right time. – Live while you live!

      Instead of giving so much importance to death, we should put all our energies into living.

      21. I hate those who steal my loneliness without giving me real companionship in return.

      The perfect explanation for ‘better to be alone than in bad company’.

      22. I need magic. I can’t live in black and white.

      Each person lives their life in their way of perceiving the world.

      23. The anguish of death is the mother of all religions which, in one way or another, attempt to temper the anguish of our finitude.

      A reflection on this eternal punishment or reward after death which is explained in all religions.

      24. I should have become a me before becoming a nosotros.

      If you’re not comfortable with yourself, your problems will affect your life as a couple.

      25. The less you have lived your life, the greater your anxiety before death.

      Only those who don’t do what they love are those who fear death the most.

      26. In this letter, I said that there was a fundamental division between men: those who aspire to spiritual peace, for whom happiness lies in believing and embracing the faith; and those who seek the truth, who set aside peace of mind and dedicate their lives to research.

      Two types of people and their life choices.

        27. There are those who cannot loosen their own chains and yet they can free their friends.

        It happens when people think they don’t deserve happiness, unlike their friends, who deserve everything.

        28. We are all one-day creatures; both the rememberer and the remembered one.

        This is the present we live in, not the past or the future.

        29. Imagining endings can help us face the present with more vitality.

        Analyzing the possible destinations that await you helps you make better decisions.

        30. All actions are self-directed, all service is selfish, all love is selfish.

        We are selfish by nature because we always expect something in return for what we do.

        31. I dream of a love that is more than two people yearning for each other.

        Love is not possession, it is the sharing of freedom to create a new world.

        32. One day soon, perhaps in forty years, there will be no one alive who knew me. This is where I will truly be dead, when I no longer exist in any memory.

        When no one remembers us, are we really dead?

        33. Look out each other’s window. Try to see the world as your patient sees you.

        The secret of therapeutic sessions.

        34. Many people’s pre-death anxiety is fueled…by the disappointment of never reaching their potential.

        It’s knowing that our time is limited and that we haven’t done what we always wanted.

        35. Each person has his own death. And everyone had to deal with it as best they seemed.

        Death is a personal experience and everyone has their own way of looking at it.

        36. Sooner or later, she had to give up hope for a better past.

        Giving up the desired past that we did not have allows us to pursue a better future.

        37. Love is a way of being, a gift, not falling in love, a way of relating in general, not an act limited to one person.

        We can love in thousands of ways, not just as romantic love.

        38. When we become orphans, there is no one between us and the grave.

        A reflection on having no one around us who remembers us.

        39. One thing I am clear on is that it is important not to let your life live you.

        If we let things pass over us, we actually lose them.

        40. Dissect your motivations more thoroughly. You will find that no one has ever done anything entirely for others.

        Before focusing on someone else, try working on yourself.

        41. The evidence supporting the effectiveness of group therapy and the prevailing sentiment in the mental health profession is strong enough to make it difficult to defend the appropriateness of the inpatient unit that attempted to operate without a small group program.

        It’s always easier to deal with something or to heal if you share it with someone who understands your situation.

        42. Self-awareness is a supreme gift, a treasure as precious as life. It’s what makes us human.

        This is what distinguishes us from other species, it is our ability to know how to act and to understand others.

        43. It takes chaos and frenzy within you to give birth to a dancing star.

        All the noise that bothers us inside can be a great source of inspiration.

        44. Although the stones can neither hear nor see, they all plead with sadness not to forget them.

        Memory is what makes us immortal.

        45. Not taking ownership of your life plan is letting your existence be an accident.

        The importance of creating an action plan for our future.

        46. ​​More in love with desire than what is desired.

        There are things we want to have and when we have them they lose their appeal.

          47. Death, however, stings. It stings all the time. Siempre está con nosotros, scratching an interior door.

          We all think about death at some point.

          48. Insofar as one is responsible for one’s life, one is alone.

          You will find that not everyone around you will always be there when you decide to improve.

          49. Now, I believe that fears are not born out of darkness; rather, fears are like stars: still there, but obscured by the glare of daylight.

          Fears live in us, the important thing is that they do not dominate us.

          50. The life of therapist is a life of service in which we daily transcend our personal desires and transform our outlook on the needs and growth of others.

          His experience as a therapist and what it means to him.

          51. I must avoid being among those who call themselves good because they have no claws.

          There are those who dress up as good guys for personal gain.

          52. Consciousness is only a translucent film which covers existence: the trident eye passes through it, glimpses the primitive forces, the instincts, the true motor of the will to power.

          An interpretation of what consciousness means.

          53. All vision is relative, like all knowledge. We invent our experiences. And what we invent, we can destroy.

          We can change the way we see the world.

          54. Our existence is forever overshadowed by the knowledge that we will grow, prosper and inevitably decline and die.

          A reflection on what we focus on more than one day we will die instead of enjoying the life we ​​have now.

          55. I leave no personal views on religion because I want to take away something that brings comfort to the patient. I never want to take anything from her when I have nothing better than to give her one way or another.

          Sometimes a person’s religion is their way of expressing their hopes.

          56. Life is a spark between two identical voids, darkness before birth and darkness after death.

          A spark that we expand as we grow.

          57. Isn’t it the task of a good father to allow his children to leave the house?

          A good father is one who teaches his children to be independent.

          58. Death loses its terror when one dies, when it has consumed one’s life.

          At the precise moment when we leave, it is because we leave our bonds.

          59. There are borders and there are borders. Labels make people violent.

          When you’ve been stuck all your life, it’s hard to aspire to anything other than being an aggressive person.

          60. Despair is the price to pay for self-consciousness. Look deep into life and you will always find despair.

          The more we understand how the world works, the more despair grows.

          61. If we climb high enough, we will reach a height from which tragedy will cease to seem tragic.

          Tragedy loses its impact when there are more happy moments that fill us.

          62. Dying is difficult. I’ve always thought the greatest reward for the dead is never to die again!

          Live forever in the minds of those who have loved or touched in some way.

          63. One becomes the father of oneself or one remains the eternal son.

          If you choose to be independent or dependent on someone else.

          64. Many people are desperate because their dreams didn’t come true, and they are even more desperate because they didn’t come true.

          An endless loop of despair that does not allow us to look for a way out.

          65. The time will come when you will have forgotten everything; and the moment comes when everyone will have forgotten you.

          Sooner or later, everything comes to an end.

          66. It’s wrong to have children out of necessity, it’s wrong to use a child to relieve loneliness, it’s wrong to give life purpose by reproducing another copy of yourself,

          It will only create a chain of damage and suffering for future generations.

          67. I wonder who that person will be for me. Whose death will really make me dead?

          Who will be the last person to remember us?

          68. Everything is ephemeral: both memory and the object of memory.

          Things come and go, no matter how long they last.

            69. Reality is not something that is available on the outside but something that each of us constructs, or manufactures, to some significant degree.

            Reality is what we understand of the world we see.

            70. Life is a miserable thing. I decided to spend my life thinking about it.

            Each person decides how their life will evolve.

            71. Always think that soon you will be no one and nowhere.

            Accepting our death should lead us to focus on enjoying our life.

            72. Now he must learn to face his life and have the courage to say: “I chose him like that”. A man’s mind is built on his decisions.

            With whatever you choose, you have to bear the consequences.

            73. Depth is often the starting point for overcoming anxiety before death.

            A way to get rid of the fear of dying.

            74. Mature love is to love, not to be loved.

            Do you agree with this idea?

            75. If someone does not live at the right time, he will never die at the right time.

            Who does not live his life fully will not be able to rest in peace.

            76. I listen Sometimes I see better with my eyes closed.

            Our eyes often deceive us, so we must learn to listen.

            77. One of the main functions of a friend is to suffer, in a milder and more symbolic way, the chastisements that we would like but could not inflict on our enemies.

            Are our friends paying for the fury we feel?

            78. Do not argue: you will lose; and although you want, you will lose.

            You always have to know who to face and when it is better to be silent.

            79. Such a choice, another’s choice for the supernatural, is always debilitating. It always makes a man less than he is.

            The power that our mystical beliefs inflict.

            80. You become who you were, and how can you find out who and what you were without the truth?

            You can’t be who you want to be if you don’t know yourself completely.

            81. Our responsibility in life is to create the higher, not to reproduce the lower.

            It’s necessary try to improve and not be left behind.

            82. Some day soon, maybe in forty years, there won’t be anyone alive who knew me. This is where I’ll really be dead, when I no longer exist in anyone’s memory

            Must true death cease to be remembered?

            83. In a study we did on bereavement, we found that quite an impressive number of widows and widowers had not simply regained their pre-loss functioning, but had grown.

            People are never the same after suffering a loss.

            84. Whether I live a long time or a short time, I am alive now, in this moment.

            It’s not the time that counts, but what we do in it.

            85. Caring for another means knowing and living the other as fully as possible.

            A deep relationship that only grows.

            86. The obsession with love often serves as a distraction, preventing the individual’s gaze from having more painful thoughts.

            Being eternally in love prevents you from creating real commitment in a relationship and breaking up with any difficulties that arise.

            87. Therapists have a dual function: they must observe and participate in the lives of their patients

            The work in which they participate therapists

            88. I thrive for my own good, because I like it, and not for the good of others. My joy consists in my being and my fulfillment.

            Improve for yourself and for you, without thinking of others.

            89. We not only revel in our patient’s growth, but also in the domino effect: the healthy influence our patients have on those they touch in life.

            The favorable result that every specialist wants to achieve with his patients.

            90. The desire to place ourselves in the hands of God is not the truth. It’s nothing more than a child’s wish.

            One of Nietzsche’s main and most deeply rooted ideas.

            91. It is easier to evade something when you tell someone from the outside than when it arises from deep within yourself.

            We tend to listen to the opinion of others more than our own voice.

            92. If we are unable to embrace our own loneliness, we will use others as a shield against our loneliness.

            The danger of seeing loneliness as something negative.

            93. As long as there is ignorance, there will be adherence to superstition. Dispelling ignorance is the only solution.

            Ignorance is the evil that creates harmful preconceived ideas for everyone.

            94. The past is part of your present consciousness; shapes the shows through which you experience the present.

            You never have to ignore the past, but you don’t have to cling to it either.

            95. Crearse a uno mismo is a cause for great pride, but it also generates the feeling of having no foundation.

            There is nothing wrong with focusing on our own growth.

            96. When a man is seized by his emotions, he is not master of himself, but is at the mercy of fortune.

            About the need to learn to manage our emotions.

            97. If he kills God, he must also leave the refuge of the temple.

            You can’t leave something but with the need to come back.

            98. I love what makes us more than what we are!

            We all have the ability to be better versions of who we are now.

            99. I believe that although illusion often gladdens and consoles, it invariably ends up weakening and constraining the mind.

            When we cling to a lie, we are unable to move forward on our own.

            100. The more you fail to live life fully, the more you fear death.

            The real reason why death is a constant threat.

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