Woody Allen’s 83 Best Quotes

Woody Allen is an eccentric character but also very intelligent. This director, screenwriter, actor, musician, playwright, actor and has a great talent, but his life has not been without controversy.

Table of Contents

Famous quotes from Woody Allen

However, in this article we will not go into the details of his private life, but we will focus on his great film success, where he managed to be successful and uttered many famous phrases.

Below you can enjoy Woody Allen’s best famous quotes and quotes.

1. If we humans had two brains, we would surely do twice as much nonsense

Only Woody Allen, with his witty humor, could have signed such a sentence.

2. The sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said is good is bad. The sun, the milk, the red meat, the university …

Anything in excess is counterproductive. But in moderation, it can be beneficial.

3. Do you want to bring something to humanity? Count on the funniest jokes

Humor and laughter bring many benefits to people.

4. I was in the living room, I heard that you were drowning, I finished my tea with pudding and I came straight away.

Woody Allen, they’re always his humorous touch. Definitely a real character.

5. The brain? This is my second favorite organ

An excerpt from “El dormilega” (1973). In reference to the importance of the human brain. For Allen, this is not the most important thing.

6. I am ugly enough and low enough to be successful on my own

He’s not an attractive guy; however, it has many qualities.

7. I don’t like the reality, but this is the only place where you can eat a good steak

Life can have good times and bad times, although sometimes the bad ones predominate.

8. Gossip is the new pornography

From his work Manhattan (1979). Compare the rumors that something has nothing to do with this: pornography.

9. I am a person of healthy living and habits. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink and I would never sexually force a blind woman

Funny way of saying I wouldn’t sexually abuse anyone.

10. -My days as a Catholic ended when I was 16 years old.

-My days as a Catholic ended when my mother found my diaphragm

Part of the screenplay for Alice (1990), a movie directed and written by Woody Allen.

11. -Do you believe in God? -I can’t even take the leap of faith to believe in my own existence

From his work Ombres i boira, 1991. Rendezvous on religion.

12. -Sex without love is an empty experience. -But as an empty experience this is one of the best

He is absolutely right in this sentence. Although not everyone agrees.

13. Fear is my most faithful companion, it has never deceived me to go with another

Take his life with humor and talk about his fears naturally.

14. My psychoanalyst warned me about your bisexuality, but you were so pretty that I changed psychoanalyst

An excerpt from his 1979 film Manhattan. A touch of humor that includes psychotherapy in his screenplay.

15. – You have a problem to commit: you did not know whether you wanted to be a psychoanalyst or a writer.

-And I made a commitment: I became a writer and a patient. They all say i love you

A funny conversation that tells how he did not give up his vocation as a psychologist to become a patient.

16. -This is my only love letter -It’s beautiful -Most of them are James Joyce plagiarism. You might have wondered what all those references in Dublin are for. Crimes and misdemeanors

Any word that comes to your mind has a funny twist.

17. The two most beautiful words in our language are not “I love you!”, But “it’s benign!”

Allen can joke about things as serious as cancer.

18. When I was a student, I was taken out of school to copy the metaphysics test. I looked into the soul of my office mate

A wacky way of saying that he copied himself from his classmate.

19. Empty sex is better than no sex, right?

From the play he directed, Records, from 1980. I’ve always loved talking about sex.

20. Fancy a penis? I am one of the few men who suffers from it

A date appeared in her film Annie Hall. Talk about any subject with absolute naturalness.

21. Of human weaknesses, obsession is the most dangerous and the stupidest

Obsession negatively affects people’s lives and can develop into a mental disorder.

22. A relationship is like a shark, it has to move on or it dies. And what we have on hand is a dead shark

Relationships can be tough and difficult. Especially when monotony invades them.

23. I always wonder if there is life after death. And if there is, will they change it to a twenty dollar bill?

A subject as delicate as death is a joke for Woody Allen.

24. I love him like a brother: like Cain and Abel

In other words. Affection is not exactly what you have.

25. (About sex) I have never had so much fun without laughing

And Annie Hall. And he is right in what he says. One of the nicest things in life.

26. The truth is a great mystery, as not many people know, that’s why it’s a joke every time you hear

Lying is the order of the day. Few are honest today.

27. I don’t hear Wagner as much. I want to invade Poland

From his 1993 book “Mysterious Murder in Manhattan”.

28. You might infer that the message is that the only way to be happy is to believe in a hereafter. And they wouldn’t be wrong. I firmly believe that life is something terrifying and unstable for the rest of mortals. The only way to survive is to make a mistake, people are desperate to find something to believe in.

A sentence which, as harsh as it sounds, can be very true.

29. I’m not afraid of death, just because I wouldn’t want to be there when it happens

Everyone would agree with Woody Allen in that sentence.

30. The brain is the most overrated organ

For Woody Allen, too much value is placed on the brain.

31. How do you want me to forget you when when I start to forget you, I forget to forget you and I start to remember you

Lack of love is a painful stage in life and it takes time to feel better.

32. Poets may be right. Maybe love is the answer

Love can make us feel like we’re living in a cloud. Thus, it can cure many ailments.

33. You have to work eight hours and sleep eight hours, but not the same

Logically, being awake is not the same as sleeping. No rest and no work.

34. As an actor, if I make someone laugh, it doesn’t matter, because they laugh all the time

People, when we drank alcohol, we had a good time with little.

35. I suffered from incontinence when I was little, and because I slept with an electric blanket, I was constantly electrocuted.

A few words about the childhood of Woody Allen himself.

36. We fall in love. Well i fell in love she was right there

A declaration of love from Woody Allen. Of course, with his touch of humor.

37. Retirement is for people who have spent their life hating what they did.

You can love the job and not feel like you are working or working to make money and suffer every day.

38. Eighty percent of success is being there

Luck has something to do with success. However, attitude is also very important.

39. I had never seen such an attractive classical violinist. They are usually all Hungarian refugees

Make a joke about violinists. It appears in his work: Memories.

40. Love is the most complex emotion. Humans are unpredictable. There is no logic in their emotions. Where there is no logic, there is no rational thought. And where there is no rational thought, there can be a lot of romance, but a lot of pain

Emotions, if not handled effectively, can create a lot of suffering.

41. Come on, confess once again. it’s free

Confessing comes at no cost as Woody Allen claims. Of course, he says it in an ironic tone.

42. In my family, no one has ever committed suicide, it was not an alternative for the middle class. My Mom Was Too Busy In The Kitchen Killing The Taste Of Chicken To Think About Taking A Shot

Lack of tolerance for frustration causes people to become depressed at the first change.

43. The world of entertainment is a jungle, it’s worse than a jungle: instead of devouring, they stop saying it on the phone

The problem is, the entertainment world has turned into a business. So, what dominates is the money.

44. Some marriages end well; others last a lifetime

At present, many couples are separating. Divorces are the order of the day.

45. Feeling guilty is important. I feel guilty all the time and never did anything

In fact, you don’t have to blame yourself all the time. But for Woody Allen, it’s a joke.

46. ​​-We are people, we are just human beings, you know? You believe in God. -I have to shape myself into someone’s image

A reflection that appeared in his film: Manhattan.

47. Only art is controllable. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an expert

This character is able to see masturbation as an art.

48. All the prostitutes I talk to tell me it’s better than working as a waitress. Working as a waitress has to be the most fucking job in the world. Dismantle Harry, 1997

Seen this way, it may have some logic. But not if it gets out of Woody Allen’s mind.

49. After fifteen minutes, I wanted to marry her. And after half an hour he had completely given up on stealing his wallet

This sentence can only be understood if his work has already been seen: grab the money and run.

50. (Talking about going to the movies during the day) It’s fantastic. It’s like making calves of life

The cinema is a great place to lose and disappear because you can get into the movie.

51. Sex relieves tension and love is the cause

A meeting which invites the author to a deep reflection.

52 -It’s hard to believe you haven’t had sex for 200 years. -204 if you consider my marriage

A few words appeared in his work “El dormilega”. A critique of marriage.

53. The strength of your thoughts and the reflection of your actions are the signature you leave in this world.

A person’s attitude greatly influences the path a person follows and what they accomplish.

54. His transformation into a rabbi is so real that some sectors suggest sending him to Devil’s Island.

A sentence taken from Zelig, one of his works. It’s from 1983

55. People should be forever paired like penguins or like Catholics

You don’t have to live as a couple forever. But marriage has to do with the Catholic religion.

56. The question is: have I learned anything about life? Just this: Human beings are divided between mind and body. The mind encompasses all noble aspirations, such as poetry and philosophy, but the body carries all the pleasure.

Pleasure seems to be one of Woody Allen’s core values.

57. You use sex to express any emotion except love

Sex can be related to love, or just sex.

58. I don’t know anything about suicides. Where I’m from, in Brooklyn, nobody commits suicide. People are too miserable

An ironic sentence that speaks of suicide and misfortune.

59. In politics, I favor an honest democracy. And I also think the American system can work

Woody Allen explains his political thoughts in this sentence.

60. I don’t want to get married, I just want a divorce

For some people, married life becomes an impossible thing to lead.

61. People want a fictitious life and fictional characters a real life

There are a lot of people who want to experience a movie. His own film.

62. The difference between death and sex is that death is something you can do on your own and without anyone making fun of you.

A curious, wacky and funny comparison between death and sex.

63. For you, I am an atheist. For God, faithful opposition

Explain clearly what their position is in relation to religion.

64. As a child, I wanted to have a dog, but my parents were poor and could only buy me an ant.

An absurd quote, but one that has a touch of grace.

65. My grandmother never gave gifts. She was too busy being raped by the Cossacks

These words may conflict, but they appear in her work Annie Hall (1977).

66. I have not seen my psychoanalyst for 200 years. He was a strict Freudian and if I had seen him all this time now I would have almost healed

This means that he has a mental disorder and has not had psychological therapy to overcome it.

67. The last time I was inside, a woman was visiting the Statue of Liberty

Referring to the fact that it takes a long time without having sex.

68. There is an old joke: two older women are in a high mountain hotel and one comments: “Wow, the food here is really awful!”, And the other responds: “Plus the portions. are very small! ” . Well, that’s basically how life seems to me, full of loneliness, hysteria, pain, sadness, and yet it ends too quickly.

A joke used by Woody Allen to illustrate his outlook on life.

69. My love, it was you who wanted to stop sleeping with me. April 20 will be a year. I remember the day because it’s Hitler’s birthday

An ingenious phrase that was uttered in “Crimes and faults” (1989)

70. My ex-husband’s and I fell in love at first sight. I had to watch it again

From his film Crimes and Misdemeanors, a great film in which seriousness and humor strike a deep balance.

71. I admit I was a lucky idiot. If he hadn’t been born in Brooklyn and had done it in Poland or Berlin, he would be a light today

From his Records work, shot in New Jersey, is Woody Allen’s tenth feature film.

72. I don’t want to move to a city, the only cultural advantage is being able to turn right with a red light

Appeared in Annie Hall. Possibly one of the best romantic love movies.

73. -I don’t know, maybe excessive masturbation on your part. -Listen, you don’t want to know anything about my hobbies!

An ingenious answer, which appears in his film “Hannah and her sisters”.

74. Don’t play with masturbation. It’s having sex with someone I love

Like the previous quote. Woody Allen openly advocates masturbation.

75. I have an interesting case. I am dealing with two pairs of Siamese brothers with multiple personalities. I get paid eight people

De Zelig, one of his comedies with a strong psychological content.

76 – How does it feel to be dead for 200 years? -It’s like spending a weekend in New York

El dormilega, 1973

77. Why do I keep breaking my life in search of answers that I will never find and that I devote to enjoying them while it lasts?

Sometimes people can recreate our problems.

78. I grew up in the Israeli faith, but as an adult I became a narcissist.

A scene from his 2006 film “Scoop”.

79. All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates. Which means that all men are gay

A somewhat strange relationship. Only possible in the mind of Woody Allen.

80. More than at any other time in history, humanity is at a crossroads. A path leads to absolute despair. The other, to total extinction. God wants us to have the wisdom to choose well

Human beings can be our worst enemies.

81. He’s a fantastic boy and a wonderful doctor. He never lost a patient. He got pregnant with two of them, but never lost any

A story that is part of one of his films. More precisely, “the sexual comedy of a summer night”.

82. Do you know what my philosophy is? That it is important to have fun, but it is also necessary to suffer a little, because otherwise we do not understand the meaning of life

Living in the present is the philosophy of Woody Allen and those people who want to be happy.

83. It’s not bad that your father and I don’t agree, democracy is that. He defends the right wing of the Republican Party and I think we have to be crazy over doing it

A quote on politics from his feature film “Midnight in Paris”, which premiered in 2011.

Leave a Comment