5 basic principles for enjoying a full and satisfying sexuality

Despite all that has been published on psychology and sexuality, the cultural influence perpetuated by television, advertisements and the media in general continues to influence our beliefs about how we should experience our sexuality. Today we live surrounded by a distorted hypersexuality through which, especially among young people, the appearance of a desire that prevails over that of the other is reinforcedThis is why professionals must approach the issue of sexuality from a gender perspective.

The truth is that our beliefs and fantasies about what life as a couple should be like and how we should experience our sexuality are closely linked to the difficulties we encounter with psychologists in consultation.

Live better sex

Silvia de Béjar quoted in the book “Your sex is yours”, that the most powerful sexual organ is our brain. Therefore, if we experience our sexuality by focusing on thoughts that feed guilt, prejudice, and stereotypes, we are doomed to sexual dissatisfaction. The renowned sex therapist also reminded us that we live in an age where we all have television at home, but even today there are a lot of women who don’t know what it means to have an orgasm.

What to do? The 5 principles for enjoying sex

Once we have contextualized the path we still have to travel and the cultural influence that conditions us, we will focus on solutions. The 5 basic principles for enjoying a full and healthy sexuality are as follows.

Principle 1: Your sexuality begins with you

It is a principle that directs us directly to women, because we have a history that puts us at a disadvantage compared to men, in which our predecessors could not choose and live their sexuality according to what was dictated by a patriarchal society, so they barely knew her body and listened to her needs. The only messages they received related to the sexual question concerned her menstruation, and in some cases not even that, and her duty to please her husband, in an intimate atmosphere, yes, but also clouded by prejudices and precautions. of age.

Today, certainly more and more women have practically the same knowledge about their own sexual organs as men, And this self-knowledge is essential to be able to talk about orgasm. This is principle number 1, which states that regardless of your gender, you must know your own sexuality, know and accept your body (self-confidence is the key). And yes, that also includes the possibility of practicing autoerotism, masturbation, self-stimulation … we call it as we call it while starting with our own body and our pleasure.

Principle 2: always submit and never object

To reify is to “treat / convert” a person, a living being, into an object, an inanimate being, for its use or even for its abuse. It is true that there are sexual fantasies in which one person is used by the other, but they always involve the consent of the alleged “object”, so that he or she enjoys this sexual use. Both people’s emotions and desires matter, and when they do, we wouldn’t be talking about abuse or violence.

Concepción Garriga, a renowned psychologist, in her article Kindness in female subjectivity: implications for the clinic and for sexuality it reflects the influence of patriarchy in the construction of our sexuality, Emphasizing the kindness expected of women, and which materialized in the care and pleasure of the other, putting the emotions, wants and needs of the other above those of the woman. Obviously, this concept of sexuality has changed, but as I presented in the article, there are still cultural climbers who slip under the door of our rooms and enter our privacy, which must be identified by enjoying healthy sexuality.

To be a subject is to be free, to be a protagonist and to listen and listen to your own desires.. The two people who make up the couple (man-woman, woman-woman, man-man) must be submissive and therefore needs, subjectivities and lasciviousness must be heard.

Principle 3: sexual mindfulness through mindfulness

Mindfulness is better and better known, but little has been said about all the benefits of sexual practices, the habitual practice of techniques such as meditation or mindfulness.

The rational and cognitive pressure our mind can exert if left unchecked during sex can generate automatic thoughts of insecurity (“I’m not doing it too well”, “of course you don’t. that ”) which are triggered in the absence of an erection (erectile dysfunction) in men, or difficulty reaching orgasm (anorgasmia) in women.

Exercise your mind. Don’t let that stop you from enjoying full, satisfying sex.

Principle 4: Sexual generosity, shared pleasure

If both people can be submitted, it means that both can choose what to do, what to desire, what to experience, what helps us to enjoy and what we can share. Wish, decide, experience and enjoy four verbs that lead to orgasm.

But that doesn’t mean you don’t like the other party. Sex should be reciprocal, two-way, selfless and generous. This means that in order to enjoy healthy sexuality as a couple, the pleasure of the other person must increase your own pleasure, because for you the enjoyment of the other party and yours in reverse, are important to you. there is reciprocity. Only by offering relationships in this way can one speak of satisfying relationships.

Obviously, if we are not mentalists we cannot guess what turns the other person on, so it will be important to keep reading the next and final principle.

Principle 5: Communicate, Speak Up and Trust Yourself

Joan Costa, communicologist and business consultant, author of the book “Communication in action: report on the new management culture”, makes the following statement: “Communication is action and action is communication”. Naturally, Costa uses it in business practice, but I personally consider that we can also apply it to sexuality and human relationships in general. Communicating during sex is action and acting is communicating.

Complicity will be determined by our ability to communicate to the other person what is the path to our orgasm, to observe, to experience and our ability to listen to it. Express yourself without prejudice. Without taboos, having self-confidence is crucial.

We have gained confidence through self-knowledge and experimentation. Both experiences make us feel safe, and for this reason many experts place sexual fullness from the age of 35. But as a psychologist, I do not agree and consider that the reality is that today, thanks to cultural changes, and especially to advances in psychology, it is possible to enjoy sex with maturity long before. age 35, and these five principles are key to that.

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