A sex therapist’s life

My interest in sexology comes from my childhood. Obviously, I did not identify it with a specific name, but for me, all the processes of sexuality seemed fascinating to me. I must have been almost a nightmare for my mother, with all the questions I asked her and she often answered me anything. The first thing that came to my mind.

I once took a slap to voice my doubts about sex out loud. There, my mother, rather than telling me the first thing that came to her mind, simply reacted automatically. For her, the whole subject of sex and sexuality has always been a taboo.

I never felt a particular interest in the forbidden, but in the unknown. My curiosity often overwhelmed me and by the time I fully realized what was happening, I had already succumbed to the curiosity. This, in spite of almost always an intense fear. But not enough to stop me.

I have been working in the field of sexology since 1982. During this time I have heard thousands of stories about the sex lives of my patients. Sometimes, when they ask me about it, they answer that I am worth more for what I keep silent than for what I say. That is true.

    The work of the sex therapist

    My first job as a psychologist was in a juvenile prison, and here I was in charge of inmates accused of sex crimes. I followed this one up to another job in a prison for adult men and women. I took advantage of this experience to do my undergraduate thesis, which was the result of a research study with men and women prostituting in the immense Mexico City.

    Every week I see patients with unlikely stories for the citizen of the street. I never tire of saying that reality (in my experience) trumps fiction. I have heard from hundreds of patients with paraphilias. There seem to be as many, if not more, types of paraphilias as there are people.

    A significant part of my work has been developed to help patients with sex addiction. Thanks to them, I checked that the fantasy is capable of generating an altered state of consciousness. This produces a certain comfort in the mind of the person and he wishes to accommodate and thus flee his reality. In the case of substance use, it is the effect of these substances that produces the altered state of consciousness. It is also possible to generate a state of consciousness altered by the sexual fantasy.

      The need for sexual education and training

      Advisory work includes the cure for sexual suffering, as well as the optimization of pleasure. The need to educate sexually is a constant. Almost all of the people have received sex education and it has been bad. Unconsciously, adults, parents, educators, etc., send messages continuously and repeatedly, that sex is a bad, sinful, dirty and indecent thing, vulgar …

      The genitals often symbolize all possible sexual activity between humans and in most families it is forbidden to touch them. Many times it is also forbidden to show and see them. In Western societies in general, they go into hiding and are even censored.

      All this, combined with other aspects, creates confusion, pressure and problems for people who are forced to seek professional sexological help. The most frequent reasons for consultation are male dysfunction (erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, anaeyaculación …) and female dysfunction (anorgasmia, vaginismus, dyspareunia …).

      Therapy due to lack of sexual desire is a constant demand by individuals and couples. Sexual assistance may also be needed for problems related to paraphilia or for sex addiction. What about victims of sexual abuse?

      Being a sex therapist is fascinating and not a week goes by without finding something that surprises me: a new challenge. It is extremely heartwarming to be able to help patients who are having sexological or relationship issues. It is satisfying to check that when a patient wishes it is possible to help him solve his problem because he is happier.

      A person professionally engaged in sexology consultation he is usually a psychologist or doctor. In addition, he specialized in sexology and sexology therapy through a master’s degree or similar. It is a profession that requires continuous updating, as there is more and more information and ways to solve sexual problems. It is important to attend conferences to interact with other sex therapists and learn about the latest developments.

      The activist side of the profession

      As a professional in sexology, it is also important to do advocacy work, either by participating in educational campaigns or by teaching classes. Another important aspect is sexual rights activism.

      Personally, I had the opportunity to work in a monitoring committee for the respect of sexual rights in the world through the WAS. This may include participating in campaigns in which thousands of messages and emails are sent to certain governments or institutions. It’s about letting them know that we are watching them and pressuring them to respect the sexual rights of a particular person.

      Let us remember that, for example, in a number of countries, the rights of women or those of the LGTBI community are not respected. Thanks to this type of action, we have succeeded in putting an end to the waste of some women or the release of gay men imprisoned because of their sexual orientation.

      Two stories that stand out

      If I had to tell the stories that struck me the most, I would highlight one or two, but there are so many more. The first was in my first job, in juvenile prison. Here I met a 16-year-old who had strangled his father. When he told me his story, I could only sympathize with him.

      According to him, one day, he was playing in the street with friends, very close to his home. Then his father, who was passing by and was in a state of drunkenness, saw him having fun and sometimes took him home. Upon arriving here, the father began to mistreat his wife and daughters, to the point of attempting to rape one of the minors.

      Then the 16-year-old, remembering the many times he had abused them and the times he had raped his sisters, felt very angry and threw himself on his father, choking. He assured her that she would not regret it and that she would do it again if it meant that her mother and sisters would stop suffering. If only the suffering stopped here! His eyes sparkled and widened in rage as he told me his story. I remember it like it was yesterday.

      The other case that I would like to highlight also has elements of violence.But it does contain a number of ingredients to remember. He is a 20-year-old boy who goes to the clinic, feeling anxious and having suffered panic attacks. He was about to leave Spain for an Erasmus program, and he was worried about having these problems here too. His story is poignant.

      He explained to me that he was very afraid to feel a sexual attraction towards his dog … After a deep therapeutic work, I discovered that the boy was in fact gay and that, when he was small, his father had him. tortured in a peculiar way.

      When the son disobeyed, the father hit the goose, which was the cult of the child: He sympathized with the dog and suffered when he saw how his father had abused his beloved pet. He was on the verge of suffering from a psychotic epidemic, which he luckily was able to stop. Among the causes of his condition was an extremely strict, controlling and punitive upbringing.

      Obviously, work experience helps a lot with training. I feel lucky to have spent decades studying and devoting myself to sexology.

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