For a long time, there was no word to describe people who didn’t experience romantic attraction the way most people do. People who are only sexually attracted to someone after getting to know them better, spend time with him and create a strong emotional bond.
Finally a word was created for this: demisexuality. In this article, we’ll talk about what it is, how to tell if you are, and the difference between demisexuality and panromanticism.
What is demisexuality?
Demisexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by fear experiencing sexual attraction only after forming an emotional bond with someone. This means that demisexual people are not sexually attracted to someone unless they have already formed a close emotional bond with that person.
So how do you know if you were demisexual? If you identify with any of the following characteristics, you may be demisexual:
- You are not sexually attracted to anyone unless you form an emotional bond with them first
- It takes longer than most people to develop feelings of sexual attraction
- Generally, you are only sexually attracted to people who are your close friends.
- He is more interested in intimacy than sexual activity
- It’s hard for him to feel sexually attracted to someone he doesn’t know well
- He is only sexually attracted to one person at a time.
It is important to remember that there is no right way to experience sexual attraction. If you don’t identify with any of the above characteristics, it doesn’t mean you’re not demisexual. Sexuality is fluid, which means that people’s attractions and orientations can change over time. Even if you don’t consider yourself demisexual now, you might in the future.
On the other hand, there are famous people who identify as demisexual, for example:
- Evan Rachel Wood
- Shailene Woodley
- Megan Fox
Actress Evan Rachel Wood came out as demisexual in 2011, saying she didn’t “feel really sexually attracted” unless she was “emotionally connected to someone”. Shailene Woodley also opened up about her experience as a demisexual woman, saying it takes a long time to develop romantic feelings for someone. Similarly, actress Megan Fox said she was only sexually attracted to “one person in her life.”
What is the difference between panromanticism and demisexuality?
Now that we’ve talked about what demisexuality is and how to tell if you are, let’s talk about the difference between demisexuality and panromanticism.
Panromanticism is a romantic orientation characterized by fear the ability to feel romantic attraction to people of any gender. Demisexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by not feeling sexual attraction until you have formed an emotional bond with someone.
Thus, panromanticism and demisexuality are generally seen as two sides of the same coin, since both involve not feeling automatic romantic or sexual attraction.
Is it a problem to be demisexual?
No, there is nothing wrong with being demisexual. It is simply a sexual orientation characterized by not feeling automatic sexual attraction to someone.
Some people may see it as a problem because they feel like they are not “normal” or “quite attractive,” but there’s nothing wrong with being demisexual. You were as normal and attractive as anyone else. Accept your sexuality and be proud of who you were.
The demisexual flag
The demisexual flag was created in 2010 by a user of the AVEN site (Visibility and asexual education network). The flag consists of three stripes: grey, black and purple. Gray represents those who do not feel sexual attraction; black, for those who do not feel romantic attraction; and purple, to those who only feel romantic and sexual attraction after forming an emotional connection.
If you want to know more about demisexuality, we recommend those books:
The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality, by Julie Sondra Decker
Asexuality: The Hidden Sexual Orientation, by Anthony Bogaert
Understanding Asexuality, by Lori Brotto and Morag Yule.
All of these are great resources that can help you learn more about demisexuality and asexuality.
Thanks for reading! We hope this has helped answer some of your questions about demisexuality.
If you have any other questions, feel free to ask them in the comments below. If you think you may be demisexual and want to tell someone, AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) has a forum where you can talk to other demisexual people.