Sexual desire is a feeling that arises naturally and that drives us to seek to satisfy our sexual needs.
It is for this reason that it is not advisable to avoid or try to inhibit our sexual desire, since this fact will only generate negative consequences. Likewise, it has been shown that a decrease in sexual desire is usually linked to psychological causes and this affectation causes alterations in the subject such as problems with the couple or couple, an increased lack of desire, a decrease in self-esteem, feelings of guilt, even biological effects.
In general, we will see that a decrease in desire causes general discomfort that ends up affecting different areas of the patient’s life.
Then We will see how the problems caused by the lack of sexual desire in the area of the couple affect us and we will pass in review some of the affections involved in a hypoactive desire.
What do we mean by sexual desire?
Sexual desire is an impulse, a force, which pushes us to enter into an intimate relationship with another person., encourages us to seek contact or sexual interaction with the other. The purpose of this feeling is to have fun, to enjoy and to feel pleasure. It is for this reason that we must not deny it or avoid it, because it will only cause us discomfort.
The desire felt is a normal and healthy feeling, which will increase or decrease its intensity according to the situation and the stimuli and which we can satisfy with another person or independently ourselves.
This impulse to seek sexual pleasure It begins to develop with the first physical and hormonal changes that appear during puberty, a stage that begins between the ages of 10 and 14 for girls and between 12 and 16 for boys. Apart from visible bodily changes such as enlarged genitalia or the appearance of body hair, there is an increase in testosterone which is the hormone linked to sexual desire in both sexes, although it also affects estrogen.
In the same way, these biological changes will be accompanied by psychological changes, which are characterized mainly by a greater search for contact and relationship with people of the same age, that is, a greater interest in training of friendships, with the aim of sharing with some of them a closer, closer bond, with a more intimate relationship.
Thus, sexual desire has a genetic component that arises from within the subject, but an external influence will also appear, from the environment, which will regulate and be decisive for the way in which we are going to live such an impulse of desire. For example, the upbringing we received, such as attending a religious school or being a member of a conservative family, can cause us to inhibit and negatively value our sexual desire.
The sexual disorder appears in the fifth edition of the American Psychiatric Diagnostic Manual (DSM 5), classified as sexual dysfunction hypoactive desire disorder. It has been observed that this disorder occurs much more in women, with a percentage of 22% to 51%, than in men where the figure is between 10% and 15%.
Also, after excluding that it is not an organic assignment, we will study the evolution of the problem, if it is primary. That is to say, there has never been a normal or secondary operation, where before there was sexual desire. At the same time, we will see if there is only a lack of desire in your partner, specific, or no desire in anyone, generalized.
Effects generated by a lack of sexual desire
As we have seen, sexual desire is influenced by biology, which is mainly related to hormones, and the environment, which is related to the most psychological part of the individual. Although it has been proven that Most cases of sexual desire problems are due to a non-organic causeand therefore treatable by psychotherapy.
The effects that a lack of sexual desire can generate are different and diverse and will also influence the particular situation and characteristics of each individual. Below we will mention some of the repercussions that the individual or his life can have in the absence of sexual desire.
1. Unsatisfactory sex
The presence of unsatisfactory sexual relations will depend on the fact that the subject, although he has no sexual desire, performs the sexual act to satisfy the other individual; in this case there will be a contradiction and the affected person may feel bad because he really does something he doesn’t want to do and he just does it out of commitmentthus generating a situation where intercourse takes place, but the subject does not feel pleasure or is reinforced.
2. Try to avoid sex
Since the subject does not have the sexual desire which pushes him to want to obtain this pleasure he will try to avoid giving sensations conducive to intercourseFor example, if the person has a partner, they will try to go to bed later or they may also find excuses for not feeling well or being tired of having sex.
3. Feelings of stress and anxiety
As we saw in the previous point, it is common for subjects with hypoactive sexual desire to refuse to have sex, this lack of sex being one of the effects of the onset of anxiety and stress. , like there is a decrease in endorphin and oxytocin which are hormones linked to pain relief and feelings of well-being..
As we have seen in the previous point, it is common for subjects with hypoactive sexual desire to refuse to have sexual relations, this lack of sexual relations being one of the effects of the onset of anxiety and stress, as there is a decrease in endorphin and oxytocin which are hormones linked to pain relief and feelings of well-being.
Likewise, the perception of the lack of desire that the subject has will also generate more anxiety and stress, thus producing a loopthe absence of sexual intercourse generates more stress and anxiety and therefore less desire to have sexual intercourse.
4. Affect torque
If the individual with altered sexual desire has a partner, it is very likely that this will be affected, since in the event that the subject manages to satisfy the sexual desire of his partner, as we have already mentioned, he will act contrary to what he desires. Therefore, it will make you feel bad about yourself and if you avoid having relationships, the person who will not be well will be your partner, because you will not be able to meet your needs.
In this way, it has been observed that sex increases the bond of the couple, so if this behavior does not occur, it is very likely that the relationship will be damaged, they will distance themselves and end up breaking up if no solution is not found. Sexual intercourse is what will differentiate a friendship from a relationship and is an important element for greater communication and affection between the subjects who form it.
5. Less sexual desire
In the case of the lack of sexual desire, we see that the body, although it has an organic component, does not act by increasing this sensation, but it decreases it even more; This is, low sexual desire generates less sexual desire. As we have pointed out before, not having sexual desire prevents us from seeking sexual relations and, therefore, this desire continues to decrease, because the psychological influence is much greater.
6. Feeling guilty
This feeling of guilt is typical that occurs when the subject has a partner, because as we mentioned, this is likely to be affected and, therefore, the individual will be blamed for causing the problems or relationship breakdown. More confusing will be if the affectation is secondary, as we have already mentioned, it means that the subject previously had a sexual desire, because the couple and the subject himself will wonder why the change.
Similarly, even if you are not with another person, you can also feel guilty, because if a biological cause is excluded, the subject will believe that the cause of the problem is him, being the cause of the non-appearance of sexual desire, that is, he is the cause of the problem and blames himself for it. Although, as we have said, the great influence of this alteration is due to factors external to the individual, the way his environment has been and the information he has received about sexuality, how it has been raised.
7. Decreased self-esteem
As it appears in many conditions where the patient is aware of his problem it is very likely that there will be a decrease in self-esteem, because the subject is considered the culprit of the situation and the disorder and feels strange and different from the others. In addition, a necessary criterion for the diagnosis of hypoactive desire is the discomfort or the decrease in the functionality of the individual, thus affecting his self-esteem, the way he values himself.
- Cabello, F. and Palacios, S. (2011) Update on female hypoactive sexual desire. Andalusian Institute of Sexology and Psychology, Málaga and Instituto Palacios de Salud y Madicina de la Mujer, Madrid.
- De Dios Blanco, E., Duany, A. & Rojas, L. (2016) Female and Male Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder. Journal of Sexology and Society.
- Mayoclinic (2021) Female sexual dysfunction.
- Hirsch, I. (2020) Reduced libido in men. Thomas Jefferson University.