Sexual Self-Esteem: Silence the Mind and Awaken the Body

Many people, when having sex, are often conditioned by a number of factors that can prevent them from enjoying the experience as they should. That is to say: in full awareness of being truly enjoying, given over to pleasure and sensations.

The factors that can hinder the practice of sex are often different in each person; however, we can find a common link. Factors such as lack of sexual self-esteem and therefore inability to indulge in pleasure, are often the cause of unsatisfactory sexual practices. Or not entirely satisfactory.

    Sexual self-esteem: how do you see and feel about your sexuality?

    The concept of “sexual self-esteem” refers to the ability to feel desirable and to have the confidence and security necessary to experience sexuality in a satisfying and pleasurable wayis the psychological factor that influences the way we experience sex.

    When sexual self-esteem is impaired, it can lead to frustration, shame, insecurity and, consequently, sexual dysfunctions such as loss of desire, anorgasmia, dyspareunia, vaginismus, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and aversion to sex.

    The level of sexual self-esteem a person is going to have a clear and direct influence on the decisions she makes in her intimate relationships: with whom you aspire to be, what you dare to do or, more importantly, what degree of satisfaction you are able to achieve.

    In turn, having more or less sexual self-esteem will be linked to many factors, including the culture you grew up in, the experiences you have had, religiosity, age, education, references, among others.

    Obviously, the level of sexual self-esteem will vary throughout life. A person can have different types of self-esteem depending on the situation they are facing at any given moment or the relationships they have with the people around them. However, many experts agree on the basis of the self-esteem that will be found in childhood. Of self-esteem in general and, therefore, of sexual self-esteem.

    And the key to everything is safety. Self-confidence, which is like a large column in which self-image, self-concept and sexual competence will be supported. Whether this column, this central trunk, is more or less firm, more or less robust, will condition the ability to live a full and satisfying sexuality.

    In the same way that self-esteem affects the way we show ourselves to others, the way we relate to each other, in the sexual sphere it will also condition us directly. So much so that behind many sexual dysfunctions we will find low sexual self-esteem.

      The ability to indulge in pleasure and mind control

      When it comes to having sex, it matters have the ability to silence the mind and connect with oneself. And that is not easy. Discovering one’s own erotic potential through the senses, knowing how to identify the inner discourse and being convinced that a body is perfect as it is… is not easy.

      Most people tend to fall into ruminations. Society – social pressure – pushes us to think too much about times when we simply have to give in to experience, when we only have to indulge in pleasure.

      Television, films, the collective imagination weigh on us and they make us obsess over how we do it, whether we know how to do it, and whether we like the other person. Many people are so upset by the “exam” they turned into sex that they don’t enjoy the experience.

        Keys to increasing sexual self-esteem

        These are the basic psychological guidelines and keys that can help you boost your sexual self-esteem.

        1. Detect the causes

        The first step in solving a problem is to recognize it. Thus, we can identify the different causes that have generated the current state of widespread feelings of sexual insecurity. And we could summarize them in these three.

        1.1. Sex education

        The sex education we receive will affect our sexual experience and our self-esteem.

        If we have learned that touch and self exploration are bad, that sex is dirty, that expressing pleasure is a vicious person, that everything is your responsibility in bed, that you have to achieve a series of objectives… And if in addition stereotypes mark that everything must be magnificentand often the sex education received is none other than pornography (it was our model, where everything is film but we believe in it, erections are eternal, women have super-orgasms right away, sex is absolutely coitocentric)…this will lead to false expectations and sexual blockages and dysfunctions.

          1.2. Limiting beliefs

          Limiting beliefs are thoughts about ourselves or our situation that do not allow us to be ourselves. Detecting them is the first step to getting rid of them.

          How do we talk? What do we say? “I Won’t Live Up”, “I’m Gonna Fail”, “I’m Fat”, “I Won’t Like This”, “I Won’t Be Fine”

          How does it make us feel what we say? The emotions that appear are anxiety, fear, frustration, shame, pressure. These experiences do not allow us to be, they restrict our freedom.

            1.3. Lack of communication

            Knowing yourself and asking for what you want through the development of good communication is a challenge. A primordial value of sexuality is respect. When I have a good sexuality, I must be able to say what I want and what I don’t want; everything we are not equal and communication will be key. When we are able to open up to experience, it sets us free.

            2. Take Action

            Yes, once the causes have been detected, the goal is not to lock oneself in and learn to counter them. We can achieve this with the following steps.

            2.1. Prioritize

            How do you relate to yourself? You are the most important person in your life, put yourself first identify your own needs, are more important than the others. Think about yourself and stop always wanting to please, allow yourself the error, pamper yourself, take care of yourself, love yourself, give yourself love, remember that the higher your self-esteem, the greater your sexual satisfaction.

            2.2. Self-Exploration and Discovering Your Erotic Potential

            Knowing yourself helps you feel better about your sexuality. Because we will know who we are and how we are. You have to relax, be present, and discover yourself through the different senses… Where do you connect to your body? How do you feel? Do you do it with love? Love your body! How do you feel What do you feel? What do you taste?… Smell, smell, smell! Discovering yourself and opening yourself up to live the experience without judgment will increase sexual satisfaction.

            3.3. free your mind

            This step is to free the mind clearing preconceived thoughts and replacing them with empowering thoughts. Live the real experience, not the one we created in our minds.

            We don’t have to reach orgasm, we don’t have to force ourselves to reach it. There is no possibility of “failing” because in the act of feeling pleasure there is no possible failure. We’ll have to convince ourselves of that. Repeating the following positive self-affirmations helps build sexual self-esteem:

            • I am worthy of pleasure. I feel pleasure every moment.
            • I have a right to pleasure.
            • I’m free.
            • I am able to connect with the other person.
            • I love myself.
            • I can generate autoeroticism.
            • I am free to express myself sexually.
            • I have the right to say no.
            • I have the right to please.

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