The 5 possible sexual-affective problems in polyamory

Although polyamory as a form of romantic bonding has several decades of history, it was during this century that it became very popular in our Western societies, especially among young people.

In many cases, polyamorous relationships between more than two people are less prone to certain typical relationship problems and can last for many years, but there are also sources of discomfort that are more common among polyamorous people or that have certain peculiarities. in such cases.

Therefore, in this article we will talk about what are the possible sexual-affective problems in polyamory and how to work on them from sexology.

    What are the main sexual-emotional problems of polyamory?

    Relationships between more than two people are often exposed to certain issues that do not have the same role in traditional relationships; below we will see the most common ones.

    1. More hotbeds of physical insecurity

    Polyamorous relationships can more easily generate dynamics of comparison and competition in one or more members of the same, which in turn makes possible the appearance of insecurities of all kinds in relation to other people in terms of image and physique. It is not uncommon for the fear of being “ugly” in a relationship to appear.

    The most common and obvious insecurity that occurs in this type of love dynamic is which has to do with constantly looking in the mirrorand that happens when a person considers that they are not as suitable as another, that they do not fit the same way into the canons of beauty compared to the rest of the individuals involved in the relationship.

    This phenomenon causes great discomfort in the person who suffers from it and in extreme cases can become the source of psychological disorders such as anxiety disorders, eating disorders or OCD, in addition to causing sexual dysfunctions.

      2. Insecurities in sexual performance

      Insecurities in sexual performance are also common in polyamorous relationships, as a person can often consider that she is not as good in bed as any of the other members of the relationship.

      Again, this can affect the affected person’s mental health, self-esteem, and even sexual dysfunction due to self-fulfilling prophecy and anticipatory anxiety, due to the complexity they may feel for the others.

        3. Social pressure

        Although Western societies are becoming more inclusive and tolerant, polyamorous relationships are not fully accepted in our environment, as some people view them as unacceptable perversions or unnatural sexual dynamics. judging them from a very moralistic and conservative point of view. And this has implications for how polyamory is experienced, as many try to hide that this is their pattern of sexual-emotional relationship.

        This pressure, which can be more or less explicit or obvious, can even appear in friends, not only in family or colleagues, which often leads you to want to hide a polyamorous relationship. And this greatly limits the possibilities of expressing affection and appreciation for intimate contact.

        4. Sexual Incompatibilities

        Although it is generally considered, through a series of themes and stereotypes, that polyamorous relationships promote sexual encounters and allow the triggering of all kinds of fantasies in which all members of the relationship are involved, the reality is quite different. . Sometimes it even happens that polyamory reduces the urge to have sex with these people.

        In many polyamorous relationships, there are certain incompatibilities in the sexual field, since It’s easier for at least one person to feel left out of fantasies or the kind of sex others enjoy.

        Because there are more people involved in the same polyamorous relationship, it is more common in the long run for different interests, tastes, or hobbies to clash, both sexually and in any other part of the life. human behavior, especially if there is a communication problem.

        5. Jealousy

        Jealousy is one of the most common phenomena in open or polyamorous relationships; these usually occur because a person interprets that the other members of the couple do not pay as much attention to him or have a special relationship with each other.

        Although polyamory is theoretically based on the absence of jealousy or toxic behaviors of any kind, in many cases jealousy also appears and damages the sexual-emotional relationship, as well as the communication between people.

          How do you work on sexology in polyamorous relationships?

          Sexology provides very valuable strategies and techniques for emotional management and self-knowledge in cases of polyamory, because Many of the sexual disorders that, in principle, appear to be physiological, actually have psychological causes. based on one of the issues we’ve seen (or several of them combined). Thus, some of the forms of intervention used in people who are in a polyamorous relationship are:

          • Exercises of acceptance and appreciation of one’s own nudity to strengthen self-esteem.
          • Training in communicative skills in the sexual-affective field, to prevent the fact of maintaining many taboo subjects from harming the relationship.
          • Intervention in the psychological sexual dysfunctions possibly already established in the person, and communication of the instructions to follow so that all the members of the relation collaborate and that the person can more easily overcome the problem.
          • Techniques for coping with anxiety related to the experience of having a public love affair and having to keep it secret.

          Are you looking for sexology services?

          If you want to attend sex therapy sessions to treat and overcome problems like the ones you have seen here through sexology, contact us. In UPAD Psychology and Coaching We can help you.

          Bibliographic references

          • Klesse, C. (2011). The notions of love in polyamory: elements of a discourse on multiple love. Laboratory, 3 (2): p. 4 – 25.
          • Moors, A. (2021). Desire, Familiarity, and Commitment in Polyamory: Findings from a National Sample of Single Adults in the United States. Frontiers in psychology. 12:619640.

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