There is the false belief that taking a long time to ejaculate improves sex and increases pleasure, but the truth is that when orgasm is too long it can become very frustrating for both the man and his partner. .
Delayed ejaculation often causes conflicts in the relationship, generating great dissatisfaction in the sex life. If you are suffering from this problem, you may feel lonely and misunderstood or even embarrassed to ask for help. So let’s see what they are characteristics and treatment of delayed ejaculation.
What is delayed ejaculation
Delayed ejaculation is a male orgasmic disorder characterized by the disappearance or delay of orgasm, after the stage of normal arousal during intercourse.
It is estimated that between 2 and 6% of men suffer from delayed ejaculation.
Depending on the degree, you may find yourself in one of the following cases:
- You have the chance to ejaculate you delay the moment too muchProbably because you care more about ejaculating than enjoying sex.
- You are unable to ejaculate during sex and postpone it to a later date. In fact, about 85% of men who suffer from delayed ejaculation they only reach orgasm through masturbation.
- He hardly ever ejaculates, in which case he is referring to ejaculation.
Delayed ejaculation is also classified according to the time of its onset:
- Delayed primary ejaculation, when you have never been able to ejaculate during sex.
- Secondary delayed ejaculation, whereas before you could ejaculate during sex but from a certain point you started to have trouble reaching orgasm.
Symptoms: how to know if you have them
Some men with delayed ejaculation need 30 minutes or more of sexual stimulation to reach orgasm and ejaculate.
However, the key to diagnosing delayed ejaculation is not time but the level of anxiety, frustration, or sexual fatigue that this lack of control over ejaculation causes you. Therefore, it is not simply a question of taking longer than usual to ejaculate, but this delay it makes your sex life and that of your partner unsatisfactory.
The main causes of delayed ejaculation are as follows.
Delayed ejaculation usually has a large psychological component. You may have received an overly puritanical, restrictive and / or punitive education regarding sexuality based on the belief that the act of sex is “bad”. It could also be because you demand too much of yourself in the relationship.So, it is difficult for you to relax and enjoy because you are very attentive to your performance or you are so worried about satisfying your partner that you forget your own pleasure.
In other cases, the problem may stem from fear of intimacy, fear of an unwanted pregnancy, relationship difficulties, or an unresolved gender identity conflict. However, often at the root of delayed ejaculation are improper masturbation habits, especially if you exert a lot of pressure by making very fast movements, so that it will be difficult, if not impossible, to get enough pressure. stimulation only with penetration.
Organic and / or psychological illnesses
Certain neurological problems, such as those caused by stroke, spinal cord injury, or neuropathy; diseases such as diabetes, urinary tract problems, and disorders such as depression can cause delayed ejaculation. The use of alcohol and / or drugs can also cause this problem.
Consumption of certain medications, including antidepressants, anti-anxiety drugs, and antihypertensives, can delay the ejaculatory response. Certain medications for erectile dysfunction they can also cause delayed ejaculation.
When intercourse lasts too long, it can become uncomfortable. You and your partner are likely to experience pain and irritation in the genital area due to over-stimulation. These issues can cause you to lose interest in sexual activity because, instead of pleasure, you it causes frustration, anxiety and fatigue.
If the problem persists over time and you do not talk about it, your partner may come to harbor deep insecurity because they will think that they are not attractive enough or that they are not able to stimulate themselves. properly to meet your sexual needs, which will lead to self-esteem and self-confidence issues.
In some cases, if you have difficulty ejaculating during sex, you may also have difficulty conceiving, which it becomes a major source of stress when you both want to have a child.
In the long run, if the delayed ejaculation is left untreated, it usually generates conflict that ends up breaking the relationship. In fact, this type of problem often causes emotional flattening in both members of the couple, so they end up emotionally distancing each other.
At El Prat Psychologists, we research the causes of the problem to eliminate it at the root. Through techniques such as clinical hypnosis, we can access the patient’s subconscious to uncover negative beliefs and attitudes about sexuality that you may be hanging around since adolescence or even earlier that are fueling this problem. .
With techniques like EMDR and EFT, we can release the emotional information stored in your brain related to negative past experiences that continue to fuel this vicious cycle of anxiety, tension and insecurity that prevents you from fully enjoying your sexuality.
We also use behavioral techniques and use sex therapy exercises to help you rediscover intimacy. The point of some of these exercises is to match thoughts and sensations, because one of the main problems with delayed ejaculation is that the frequency of negative thoughts about the need to ejaculate ends up neutralizing your erotic fantasies and your stimulation.
This cycle is interrupted when you learn to be fully present and let go of performance worries and anxiety. This is also why we will work with relaxation and mindfulness techniques.
If the delayed ejaculation has its origin in a relationship problem, we will work with the two of you to strengthen your relationship, resolve latent conflicts, and make you enjoy a more satisfying sex life for both of you.
As the psychological intervention approach has to go through different facets of the problem, in our center we have a specialized area in sexology and couples therapy with sexologists and couple therapists who help patients improve their sex life.
So … What do we achieve with the treatment?
- Learn to relax and feel less anxious when having sex.
- Ejaculate naturally and get better orgasms.
- Get more fun with your partner.
- Improve your self-confidence and self-control.