The breakup of a relationship can be seen as a wave that breaks while we quietly enjoy the sea. Some surprise us, others we see them coming from afar.
In the couple, there are times when the environment becomes more tense, like a rough sea, disagreements and discomfort begin, so we think of it as a wave that passes through us in an unpredictable way. But once the relationship breakdown has occurred, there are strategies that help us through this complicated stage.
The Keys to Getting Through the Bad Times After a Relationship Breakup
Below I leave some recommendations on how to ride through this wave that we believe is taking us from moment to moment, so that we can surf it with more conviction, crossing the discomfort effectively and facing this emotional crisis with resilience.
1. Lean on your closest connections
When you can’t swim, being alone in the sea is not the same as being accompanied. That’s why it can be of great help to us identify at least three people to seek support fromtalk when you feel lonely or distract yourself by doing an activity together.
2. Strengthens and strengthens other bonds of friendship or partnership
When we end a relationship, all the attention we had paid to the other turns to us, and it feels like a void that we don’t know what to fill, and which generally generates a lot of ‘anxiety.
Often, extending that one-person attention to new people can help us ride the wave. That’s why it can help us identify at least three links that we would like to strengthen or strengthen from now on, they can be friends, relatives or people we don’t know that much, but before those we believe can build a friendship if we devote time and attention to them.
3. Try new things, have fun, learn a new activity
If we are in the middle of the sea and can’t swim, we can help you get in with a board, floats, things that help us feel safer. When a couple separates, there must also be certain elements that help us to cope without the wave taking us away.
That’s why it’s important to identify some activities we might do to distract ourselves in times when we start to think about how much we miss or love that person. These could be new activities, such as a sport or hobby that we have always wanted to try or try, or things that we like to do from home, such as preparing a hearty meal, watching a movie, sitting in the sun, sharing time with your pet, among others
4. Identify your catastrophic thoughts
While we are at sea, and we observe that a wave is coming, our emotions can increase in intensity, to seek to protect ourselves, this leads us to have some “extreme” or “catastrophic” thoughts, generally, these thoughts include words like “everything”, “always”, “nothing”, “never”, “everyone”, “no one”.
Catastrophic thoughts cause us to view facts in a distorted way, we all have these type of thoughts when we are faced with an intense emotion, the important thing is to be able to identify them and think about the situation in a way that is more in line with reality, which, in turn, will help us feel calmer. A very useful resource is to identify the “catastrophic” thoughts that come to mind when we feel sad or scared because of a relationship breakdown.
5. Find an alternative to your catastrophic thoughts
After identifying these dysfunctional thoughts, we need to look for a more reality-based alternative for these thoughts, a thought that helps us feel better thinking about the situation in this way. For example, if we had thought “nunca voy encontrar a alguien equal”, a more factual alternative would be “ya passed by there, y volví encontrar a alguien” / “Puedo conocer a alguien más que me guste y me quiera”.
6. Remember that the pain will pass
When the wave that crossed us in the sea passes, we are disheveled, tired, and after a while we come together and remain as we were before the wave crossed us. Although the pain of losing the person we love only lasts a short time, we can often see it as something endless. It is important for you to remember that every emotion and every crisis is temporary.
Going through a breakup is a painful situation for anyone; however, the more resources and tools we incorporate during the duel, the better prepared we will be to continue rebuilding our lives.