It is often normal to feel overwhelmed when trying to intervene between loved ones who have had an argument..
And so much more when we try to help our family if they are having a bad time and they all come to us to take maximum responsibility in this situation, forcing us to give them a master response that will resolve the situation. (and which they also love and with which they feel they get the most out of it).
How to deal with worry about family problems?
I want you to stop and think how far you have helped your brother, mother or family member in question who demanded (not asked, eye) that you resolve the link so that your life could be better or worse because two parents put you in the middle of the hurricane to help them solve a problem that happened between those two .
Look, right now you put on the county sheriff’s badge and take full responsibility for the problem that occurs. For that, I first want you to look at several aspects.
1. One thing is the duty to help a family member and another is the misunderstanding help
I think it’s great that if your brother is looking for a car you can give him advice on which stores to go to (that would be a duty to help), but you would give misunderstanding help if you told him which brand and what model to buy. The key here would be to give the other the tool to achieve happiness; don’t try to give her what you think is her happiness, as you would be advancing her emotions and forcing yours, and when that happens we get into arguments.
2. Time tunnel
I ask you to be careful or careful with the sensations you are having and to stop and think about what happens to you in the face of these toxic emotions when they occur. Stop here so you don’t go through a bad process and step into this tunnel that begins with simple discomfort and ends up leading you to martyrdom for being supposedly unknown. STOP, don’t follow here.
3. The tyranny of the should
I want to replace “should” by “like”. For example, replace “my sister should have called me” with “I wish my sister called me”. This will help you to streamline everything better.
4. You have your rights
You have the right to your free timeYou have the right to be disconnected from WhatsApp, you have the right, in short, to your personal space.
The importance of setting limits
It is also important that you set limits so that you do not exceed. First of all you need to know that since so many times you have had bad contact with them you already think that every time they tell you that it will be due to negative things so you are going to be with it. loaded weapon. I offer these key points.
1. I don’t have to return a call at the exact time I was called.
For example, it is advisable to adopt this state of mind: “If I drive and they tell me, I will stop driving and call them” (do not confuse this with special situations like the operation of a family member or other health problems, please).
2. Not always getting in touch with you is expressing something bad.
It should be understood that in many cases, a simple call can signify a doubt that may arise for the other person at that time.
3. You deserve your free time
It’s over walking around with friends and starting to think ‘what they’re going to do’ or ‘I’m having a good time and they’re going to be wrong’. Those thoughts that you should understand as automatic, and these are little bumps that your brain puts on you. Nothing will happen because one day you will want to log out. You deserve it!
4. Your responsibility is not infinite
by that I mean that if you have helped a loved one and you see that they continue with the same way of acting, ask yourself if it is really you who should help them; it may be better to offer help from another specialist or take another position.
5. Just call once a day
You don’t have to be on the lookout all the time. If they have a problem, they know who to contact, they have your number, and you’ll be happy to help.. If luckily this person has no problem at home, do not try to search for you by calling insistently.
Obviously, you should know that there are some issues in the family that require more concern than others; I don’t want you to confuse my words and think that I am telling you not to pay attention to sick or seriously ill parents; these key ideas are simply meant to address those cases of emotional dependence that we sometimes create based on research from parents who are unfortunately a bit toxic.
Can I help you
In my career, in addition to helping patients with depression or relationship issues with their partner, I also work on issues that may arise in the family or help you control those negative feelings generated by dealing with them. them. Do not hesitate to contact me.
Work adapted to the present time, our appointments can therefore be given by videoconference.