Having many good quality friendships positively influences our self-esteem, but it seems that this relationship is also a two-way street. In other words, if we value ourselves in a very positive way, we are more likely to have good friends.
The way in which self-esteem influences the fact of making friends is very varied, although we can already anticipate that if it is low, the friends that we make will last us little or, in some cases. other cases, will stay with us just to take advantage of us.
Today we will find out the influence of high and low self-esteem when it comes to making friends and what aspects of our friendships tell us that we value ourselves little.
How does our level of self-esteem affect us to make new friends?
In an ideal relationship, you and your friends know each other’s worth and treat each other with respect and mutual affection. Friends are an integral part of our life, people who can provide well-being and support.
The relationship between friends and self-esteem is a two-way street, that is, having good friends improves our self-esteem and also values us in a positive way allows us to enjoy better friendships.
If we have self-esteem issues, the quality of our friendships is likely not to be adequate. As the saying goes, “God lift them up and they come together” people with low self-esteem attract others who also have the same problem, a relationship emerges in which, instead of being supported, we find toxicity, reproach, submission and domination, and lack of respect. If nobody values themselves, they will value others less.
It may also happen that only one of the two friends has low self-esteem. Two things can happen here, a good and a bad thing.
There may be times when we are people with little love for ourselves, but our friends appreciate us and help us see ourselves better. Corn, unfortunately, it can happen that far from helping us and making us feel better, our “friends” take advantage of our insecurity. and take advantage of us.
Signs of low self-esteem when making friends
To understand how self-esteem influences making friends, we’ll start by looking at signs of friendship when it’s very low.
Self-esteem is a cognitive aspect but like everything our thoughts are, they influence our emotions and, therefore, our behavior. If we are thinking negative thoughts, we are more likely to behave in dysfunctional and maladaptive ways compared to what we do when we are thinking positive thoughts.
Because self-esteem is synonymous with self-esteem, self-respect and self-esteem, our opinion of ourselves will strongly influence our mood and also our behavior, which will be highlighted in the time to try and make friends. If we value ourselves well, we will be more selective with friendships, and if we value ourselves poorly, we will not be so selective..
Among the indicators that can be observed when trying to make friends that are directly related to low self-esteem, we can find:
- Pick friends who let you lie, take advantage of you, or make you feel bad.
- Constantly apologize to your friends for wanting to do or say something.
- Believe that you don’t deserve best friends.
- Inability to accept compliments from others
- Difficulty looking people in the eye when talking to them.
- Suppose everything we have said in a conversation is an attack on you.
- Lose the enthusiasm for making new friends.
- Negative attitude towards life
- Sticky and codependent attitude with others.
- Inability to be alone, even if our friends hurt us.
1. Extreme addiction
Low self-esteem affects the way you interact with others. Each friendship has its natural pace of progression and requires a different speed depending on who you have met. There are boys and girls who become our best great friends in a very short time, while others cost them more, they need their time and create a space of trust and security to dare to take the plunge. and make serve this word which sounds very loud to some: friend.
When you have low self-esteem, even when you meet someone new, you feel so insecure that you are very afraid of losing your new friendship. To avoid this, the person with this self-esteem problem sticks like a pencil to their new friend, trying to spend a lot of time with them, almost without letting them slip away. The problem is, if the other person starts to feel uncomfortable with this behavior, which is very likely, they will eventually run away. Codependency and rigidity are repulses for potential friends.
This extreme codependency in starting a relationship will eventually turn into the deep fear of feeling rejected again, so intense that it will make us fear meeting someone again. In other words, fed up with meeting people, staying with them for a while, scaring them and feeling bitter interpersonal rejection again, we prefer not to go out looking for new friendships and not dare to try to find each other. make new friends again.
2. Feeling that we don’t deserve to have friends
Self-esteem issues can keep us from trying to make friends by believing that we are not worth enough to have friendships. If you feel that you do not deserve to have good friends, it is possible that when someone invites you to stay for a coffee or their party, we reject the invitation at the mere thought that we will end up boring him, we will fall in love with him or he will just see that we don’t deserve to be by his side.
Insecurity, an emotion inherent in low self-esteem, can be so intense that we distrust even the nicest, friendliest, nicest person in the world. We think it’s too nice that someone is interested in us, and we think that they take our hair or that they just got it wrong. As a result, you end up stopping trying to be new friends and rejecting any opportunity they give you to start a new friendship.
3. Low self-esteem and toxic relationships
You need to be careful about the types of friendships you make. Perhaps you are surrounded by people who will not do you any good, but who stick with them because you have a hard time finding new friendships.
If you think you don’t deserve to have good friendships, you may end up with people who treat you badly, people who take advantage of you.. Because you don’t think you can aspire for more, you get trampled on by those who say they are your friends but are actually your emotional abusers.
To escape this stifling trap of having toxic friendships, we need to stop for a second and look objectively at the kind of friendships we have. Do your friends make you feel bad? Some of the things toxic “friends” do include:
- They verbally abuse you, laugh at you, and give you disrespectful nicknames.
- You are constantly criticized.
- They do not allow you to speak: they do not value your opinion and do not take your wishes into account.
- They only remember you when they need something.
- If you need anything, they just aren’t available.
To face this unfair situation, try to get away from this type of people and look for others. It will take a while for you to make new friends, but it won’t be too long, and in fact, sooner or later you will find yourself surrounded by best friends, people who will nurture your self-esteem with positive feedback and motivating, valuing you as you are.
4. High self-esteem and friendships
There are several characteristics that we can find in friendships that are worthwhile. Such relationships are nurtured and consolidated because the self-esteem of their members is not on the ground..
In the event that someone has self-esteem issues, the other members of the group of friends support them, try to encourage them, and let them see that there are a lot of good things that make up their person.
In friendships where its members have good self-esteem, we see:
- The relationship is based on mutual affection and respect.
- The rivalry is low and the support is high.
- There are more positive interactions than negative.
- Disagreements do not undermine the relationship.
- The apologies are sincere and felt by both parties.
Having high self-esteem also implies high esteem for others. Arrogance, conceit, and self-centeredness are often mistaken for high self-esteem, but it’s not really true self-esteem..
True self-esteem involves respecting and valuing yourself, but keeping in mind that we are not perfect or superior to others, that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. People who really have high self-esteem make the people around them feel good too.
- American Psychological Association. (September 26, 2019). Positive relationships increase self-esteem and vice versa: a strong reciprocal bond that is found throughout life. ScienceDaily.
- Harris, MA and Orth, USA (2020). The link between self-esteem and social relationships: a meta-analysis of longitudinal studies. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 119 (6), 1459-1477. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/pspp0000265
- Wagner, J., Lüdtke, O., Robitzsch, A., Göllner, R. and Trautwein, U. (2018). Development of self-esteem in the school context: the roles of intrapersonal and interpersonal social predictors. Personality Journal, 86, 481-497. https://doi.org/10.1111/jopy.12330
- Vanhalst, J., Luyckx, K., Scholte, RHJ, Engels, RCME and Goossens, L. (2013). Low self-esteem as a risk factor for loneliness in adolescence: perceived social acceptance, but not real, as an underlying mechanism. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 41, 1067-1081.