“I feel like I don’t belong”: possible causes and what to do

Feeling separated from others is a feeling common to all human beingslet’s look at the different reasons why we may feel like we don’t fit in with groups or places.

You’ve probably felt a sense of being distant or different from others throughout your life. This feeling is very common in adolescence, when we discover who we are, and one of the strategies is based on differentiation from others. However, this feeling, although more common in young people, can appear at any stage of life, perhaps as someone you have stopped being compatible with some dear friends.

The human being is a social being, he needs the group and others for his self-sufficiency. However, there are stages in life where we feel left out and are unable to enjoy situations that involve spending time with others or doing group activities.

The feeling of not fitting in, like all other feelings, needs to be addressed. In this article, we explain why this feeling arises and what can be done to deal with it.

    Why do I feel like I don’t fit in?

    The feeling of not fitting in doesn’t have to be pathological. A lot of people spend a lot of time trying to fit in and fit in with groups, there are also a lot of groups.

    Seen from the outside, these groups or groupings present a uniformity of thought and it seems that their members act together. However, like us, each member is an individual, unique and different being. The process of integration or the need for a sense of belonging should in no way cause you to give up your individuality and what makes it unique. That is why We often prefer to be alone rather than giving up a part of ourselves..

    Finding the right balance between installation and insulation is really tricky. Some people suffer from not being part of any group, because the feeling of belonging is inherent in being human, and it is thanks to the security and the roots that we create in the relationship with others, that we can grow and develop as individuals. .

    Thus, the feeling of not fitting in, far from being unusual, could indicate a feeling of personal search. The questions he seems to want to ask us are Who am I? And… How can I show it to the world?

    Part of the solution also lies in the answers to these questions. Only start and become aware of our individuality, with our particularities, our tastes, our virtues, but also our faults and our insecurities. Only by knowing ourselves can we find people who accept us and celebrate us as we are, that would translate to being around people that add up.

    It’s a good idea if you’re going through a time like this to do a little soul-searching and try to find some answers. We also warn you that a little introspection is always positive, but many answers to who we are will appear in the interaction with the other, it is important not to forget this and not to lock yourself up at home to read self-help books or practice meditation. Although doing it in the right dose can be beneficial.

      Reasons you think you don’t fit

      As we have seen, it is normal to feel lonely and it is something natural for all human beings, but sometimes it can be a painful feeling. To find out why you feel lonely, here are the most common reasons given by experts.

      1. We are not the same as ten years ago

      As the years pass, we come to understand that friendships are forever and even though we have relationships from kindergarten, they will vary in intensity throughout life. In addition, Often, with age, friendships are no longer the center of our existence, like when we were little, they come; studies, city changes, work, couples, sometimes children.

      At all stages, not just our friends, we also transform and realize that we are no longer compatible with certain people with whom we become very close.

      These changes are normal and natural, as well as necessary. Worry if your group of friends has been the same since you were 15 and you keep doing the same things. If in your case you feel outside of your lifelong group of friends, it may just be a sign that you are changing and need to find new friends whose interests and values ​​are closer to your own.

        2. You didn’t find your people

        If you feel like a bit of a Martian in the environments you frequent, you don’t share most of your friends’ opinions, you’re the only one who cares about certain things or cares about certain topics. It just doesn’t mean your friends are worse or better than you. You may not have found people around you yet. It is important to have different friends for the construction of our personality, but it is even more important to have a small core that knows how to understand us.

        You may not have found meaningful people because you don’t know each other well yet, or you may not be clear about what matters to you in people and relationships. Clearly, none of us enjoy the same things; Some people value activities, whether sports or social, while others appreciate being able to spend hours over a cup of coffee talking about the meaning of life.

        The solution ? It might be a good idea think about what you prioritize in life in general, alone or in psychotherapy. Once you find the path you want to take and what you are looking for, by moving around and sharing spaces with people on the same wave, friendships will eventually form.

          3. You are not open to the world

          Maybe the problem that makes you think you don’t belong is that you’re not outgoing enough and you’re not ready to meet people on a deeper level. It is not easy for anyone to open up and show themselves as they are, without a mask, for fear of rejection or social criticism. But if we show a different face to ourselves and don’t allow ourselves to be vulnerablewe won’t achieve what we really want, which is to make meaningful connections with others.

          It is true that it is more difficult for introverted and shy people to overcome these barriers at first because they involve a lot of talking. A good tip if you’re not particularly talkative is to practice active listening, you can ask others questions and listen to their answers in a way they understand that you’re paying 100% attention to. Although it’s harder to form friendships at first by being shy, these can be deeper in the long run.

            4. You care what other people think

            If every time you have to speak in public or in front of a group of people, you get very nervous, you may be too concerned about what other people think of you.

            We are all deeply concerned about how the rest of the world perceives us; Nevertheless If we work on our self-esteem, this concern can gradually diminish. Surrounding yourself with people you trust, with whom you don’t feel judged by what you say or do, can help you feel more comfortable in other spaces.

            Some psychologists recommend the practice of the present moment (mindfulness) to help us focus on ourselves and our feelings, forgetting a little about what others may be thinking.

            5. You live in your head

            We all live in our heads and we cannot run away from ourselves or our thoughts. But if intrusive thoughts like “what am I doing here” or “I don’t fit in” pop up every time you’re with a group of people, You may be paying too much attention to yourselfand it’s hard to socialize successfully when you channel all the energy into yourself.

            One way to fight intrusive thoughts is to not give them space, let them pass, and not start thinking about them. Expressing them to someone you can trust and letting them out will make you calmer. You may find that people around you are going through the same thing, we all think that socializing and having fun in a group is natural for others and that they do it instinctively, but in reality we all have our complexes and our fear the time to tell.

            6. Forcing yourself to go out or do things

            We all have times when we prefer to be more isolated and spend more time with ourselves. It doesn’t mean we’re weird or depressed. The problem comes when we refuse these breaks, because a normal person has to go out on Fridays and we can’t afford to stay home to watch a movie. In those cases where we are forced to leave, it is very likely that we will end up thinking, “what am I doing here”, and over time we will end up thinking, that we will not adapt and stop leaving radically, running the risk of isolating ourselves.

            Bibliographic references

            • I don’t fit anywhere – I am unique. Sexual orientation of adult members in non-heteronormative families. – Alvarez, Gloria, Avilés, Nuria
            • “I don’t fit here and I don’t fit in there:” Understanding the Links Between L1 Attrition and Feelings of Identity Among Generation 1.5 Russian Australians – Beatrice Venturin.

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