The family is an often unconditional source of support, and depending on the age at which we are, this nucleus plays different roles that will help us to mature.
But sometimes it may happen that we do not understand why our family acts with us in a way that does not feel right to us; we regard loved ones as unfair and we feel that they are unable to understand our needs. This behavior could generate a feeling of hostility towards them.
In this article we will look at what to do if you are one of those people who have the typical ‘hate my family’ thought. We will look at some effective reconciliation methods and the best alternatives for these cases.
I feel like I hate my family – what should I do?
Dealing with this situation requires a lot of exercise of personal introspection, that is, evaluating and reviewing what is happening in us, why we have these feelings towards our loved ones. Fostering our emotional intelligence will help us a lot, let’s see how.
1. Recognize our feelings
It involves accepting what you feel at first, whether or not it is true. This will help you take the next step, which is why you feel this way. The sooner you recognize the feeling and accept it, the closer you will be to overcoming it..
2. Review our family expectations
Often times we want our family to provide everything and understand us in any case, forgetting that they also have needs and need compression. Have realistic expectations of what you want from your family this helps to avoid levels of frustration towards these people.
3. Prevent the past from influencing
It is common for fights to take place in families at some point for a variety of reasons. But you still gotta remember that conflicts are fleeting, even if the family is eternal. Don’t let old grudges continue to limit your family life.
4. Find the real reason
It refers to the level of introspection that we can have. Once you’ve come to terms with your feelings, it’s time to see why they’re there, however. be completely honest with ourselves. As uncomfortable as they may be, you need to recognize the real reasons for your anger towards them and channel that discomfort constructively.
5. Keep in mind that your family is part of who you are.
Rejection of loved ones could be caused by rejection of certain aspects of our own personality. that we don’t like, but that we are unable to recognize or accept. This is why it is important to take the time to assess yourself, before repudiating others.
Effective reconciliation methods
Now let’s take a look at some tools that can be very useful when seeking family reconciliation, I know it is time to make the feeling of “hating my family” go away. After understanding why we have feelings of discomfort towards our family, it’s time to practice new styles of coexistence. Let’s see them.
1. Avoid comparisons
When living together, always keep in mind that each person is unique in all aspects.
hem avoid making comparisons between our relatives or between other families and ours. It is always better to accept our loved ones as they are. We have to learn to love them.
2. Practice active listening
One of the best ways to avoid conflict is to listen. It refers to the fact that we have to interpret what others say to us in an assertive way, that is, to listen to what they are actually saying and not what we think we have understood.
3. Family therapy
Considering that families are nuclei made up of people who, although they have points in common, also have differences, family therapy is very helpful in making us more tolerant and learn together the tools of coexistence.
Personal alternatives in these cases
When this situation arises in our lives, it is important that we not only focus the solution on collective coexistence, but also in our personal growth, And that we assess which aspects of us could be improved.
1. Avoid generalizing
When we say “hate my family” we include almost everyone in our family tree., Which is totally irrational.
We may have ad hoc differences with some members of our close or not so close family nucleus, but in both cases we need to specify who exactly there is hostility with for specific reasons, in order to be able to resolve this properly. .
2. Renew family ties
It refers to implementing new ways of relating to them, realizing that previous forms were not healthy, and looking for the best options to be at peace with the family.
3. Learn from adversity
When we go through difficult times in our lives, including family conflicts, we can always learn a valuable lesson. Remember that you can’t avoid conflict, but there are lessons you can learn to mitigate and avoid repetitive discussions.
- Stoop, D. and Masteller, J. (1997). Forgive our parents, forgive us: heal adult children from dysfunctional families. Royal.
- Neuharth, D. (1999). If you had parental controls. Harper’s paperback.