Communication may be one of the key aspects of human relationships, but that doesn’t mean engaging in real-time, face-to-face conversations isn’t complicated. In any dialogue of this type, there are many elements at play and sometimes the feeling of not being in control of what is going on can lead to anxiety.
This is why many people wonder … Why am I nervous talking? How can I prevent this from becoming a problem when it comes to relationships with others?
While (obviously) just reading an article will not solve the problem, in the following lines we will go over the common causes of this problem. what can be done so that this anxiety is weakened until it almost goes away.
I get nervous when talking to someone: why is this happening to me?
Each person is a world and our lives are always different from others, but we can still find some common factors that often occur in most cases where this problem occurs. They are as follows.
1. Attraction to the person we are talking to
This is one of the most common reasons behind these nerves when talking to someone. Being romantically or sexually interested in someone it keeps us on constant alert to try to please, Although paradoxically, this can produce the opposite effect if a very extreme point is reached.
2. Impostor syndrome
This cause occurs mostly in professional or academic contexts. It is the feeling of worry for someone to find out that we are not up to what would be required in the social circle in which we are. For example, if a professional starts working in a company where he thinks everyone is more competent than him, he will worry about the possibility that in a conversation his alleged mediocrity will come to light.
3. Fear of public speaking
This is a very common thing and happens to a greater or lesser extent to virtually anyone who is not used to giving lectures in front of a large audience, such as during an oral presentation in college or university class. of a conference.
Since we are aware that many people focus their attention on ourselves, we try to control almost everything we do, and since this is impossible, anxiety arises. Even the anticipation of it produces anxiety before going out to speak. However, it should be clear that this form of stress has a different nature than that generated when talking to someone in a two-way word exchange.
We must not forget that this psychological phenomenon linked to personality also has a significant effect on what we experience when talking to someone. Shy people fear the possibility of being evaluated negatively by others, and this simple concern makes them overestimate the chances of this happening, which generates embarrassment from the first words exchanged.
It’s also common for introverted people to get nervous when speaking, as it is difficult for them to manage their attention to focus on what is going on around them, rather than focusing on their thoughts. This is why they feel at a disadvantage compared to others, and it is common for them to notice that everything in the dialogue goes too fast.
What can be done to eliminate this anxiety?
It is true that depending on why someone feels nervous when talking to others, a different approach to the situation will be needed, but generally speaking, we can summarize most of the answers to this problem in three tips.
1. Work on self-esteem
In many cases, the best explanation for this discomfort in conversations with others is related to low self-esteem. This feeling of not being good enough this may vary depending on the situation; for example, someone who generally has good social skills may get nervous when talking to someone who seems very smart if you consider themselves to be not at all smart.
Working on self-esteem is a complex thing that sometimes requires the help of psychologists, but which usually results in the adoption of a realistic and distant perspective that allows to put into perspective the importance of what others think. on the one hand, and which teaches us to pay more attention to what we are good at, on the other hand.
Do things that show you how you can progress in a particular skill or area of knowledge. For example, if you think you are the least educated person in your environment, uses these nerves as a motor to improve this aspect and have no reason to be reasonably worried.
Still, keep in mind that even better, you’re likely to maintain a pessimistic bias on your own abilities, unless you fight them as well.
3. Expose yourself to discomfort
Reflecting on who you are and what you are capable of won’t be enough to stop feeling nervous when talking to others. We must go beyond introspection, Practice and expose yourself to moderately anxious conversations to gradually lose your fear of face-to-face dialogue.
As we have seen, when faced with the question “why am I nervous while speaking?” we must assume that whatever the cause we will have to strive to lose this fear, parents for delicate situations and do it in the most intensive way possible so as not to throw in the towel and see progress quickly.
- Barlow DH (November 2000). “Unraveling the mysteries of anxiety and its disorders from the point of view of the theory of emotions.” The American psychologist. 55 (11): 1247–63.
- Iruarrizaga et al. “Reducing Anxiety Through Social Skills Training”