Loving and being loved is, according to many, the most beautiful thing in the world. Whether it’s a family member, a friend, and of course a partner, the truth is that most people feel love for someone and want to be reciprocated.
However, there are not few people who are close to love. They seemed to want nothing to do with this emotion. They are cold, insensitive, emotionally distant. Why are they like this? Are they unable to feel? Maybe they are afraid to love?
We will try to understand why some people are locked in love, also discovering what we can do to break the armor of coldness and emotional distance.
How do people close in on love?
Emotional ignorance manifests not only in an inability to connect to feelings, both one’s own and those of others, but also in being afraid to feel certain emotions. Whether it’s due to poor emotional intelligence or a manifest inexperience of certain feelings, there are people close to love, which certainly hinders the formation of strong, healthy and lasting bonds.
Emotional inaccessibility is a very visible trait of people who come close to love. Not only are they closed to this feeling, but to any other emotion that involves establishing a relationship of deep intimacy with others. These are people who they erect all sorts of barriers that are invisible but so thick that they seem impassable. They prevent us from approaching. They are emotionally distant people.
The profile of people who fall in love shows great emotional immaturity, the result of both ignorance and inexperience in managing feelings. This makes them, far from seeing it as a pleasant thing and that they would like to have in their life, to perceive love as a threat. They are afraid that hearing them exposes them to a situation of great vulnerability. They interpret that falling in love and showing their feelings will help evil people to take advantage of them.
That doesn’t mean they don’t have relationships. People close to love have, like anyone else, friends, family or even partners, human relationships in which something emotional manifests itself. However, these types of people tend to give up on them or just isolate themselves when many emotions arise. They carry a hard shell over their shoulders for refuge when needed, especially when minimal emotional contact is required.
Why are they like this?
As emotionally distant as they usually are, those who come closer to love are because they are something that happened to them in the past. This thing It’s usually a failed emotional relationship, love gone wrong, falling short of expectations, or even abuse from your ex-partner.. It may also happen that they had a bad relationship with their parents, siblings or other people in their closest environment in the first years of life or childhood, and this has been traumatic ever since. .
This first experience of love, traumatic and extremely painful, leaves a mark in his heart, which will lead the person to close the ring in order not to hurt himself again and even to behave apparently as a cold individual without all kinds of feelings. .
Of course he has emotions, but he doesn’t want to show them for fear of being hurt again.. For this reason, they do not share their feelings and try to hide all their emotions somehow under hard armor, a wall of containment and protection.
How to help these people
As we mentioned, people who fall in love are emotionally distant people who show coldness. They take refuge under an armor of harshness and apparent insensitivity, but underneath is hidden fear, the fear of being vulnerable in case they experience this beautiful feeling that is love. His fear of being hurt by someone he might love is greater than the human desire to love and be loved. Many experiences are lost in fear of something they are not sure will happen.
Knowing how to help a person close to love requires delicacy. Talking to someone with these characteristics can be tricky, but not impossible. Let’s see some tricks to bring these people out of their shell and show how they really feel. It is important that we gain their trust and that we are understanding and well-meaning.
The purpose of the advice we are going to see is not to make someone who closes in on love end up falling in love with us. Love doesn’t work that way, we can’t force anyone to love us because they do. The purpose of what we will see is to help a person, be it a family member, a friend or even our own partner to open up, not to give up on a feeling as beautiful as love.
1. Start from the comfort zone
If we want to talk openly with someone who is close to love, it is important not to be intrusive. You have to start in your comfort zone, stealthily and without altering it. It is not advisable to start cutting to the chase. It’s best to start with conversation topics that we know make you feel comfortable and safe..
As the conversation progresses and this person becomes more confident in you, it’s time to start talking about the real topic we want to talk about, which is basically how you feel. why are you afraid to love him and if he needs anything from us that can help you.
2. Be empathetic
Empathy is fundamental in any human relationship. That one it is the best tool for a person to trust us and reveal their inner world to us. You have to put yourself in the place of people close to love, understand that if they are, it will most likely be due to an unpleasant experience from their past, a great disappointment in love or bad relationships with people for whom it is felt something.
3. No pressure
The last thing an emotionally distant person wants and who shows barriers to love and love is to be pressured.. If she doesn’t show a lot of her emotions normally, she’ll be less shy and overwhelmed by our pressure. You have to respect her schedules and her limits, make her the one who has control of the situation. We can’t force it to be the way we want it to be, it just won’t work. We must respect it and try to improve the relationship based on reality.
- Cloninger, S. (2004). personality theories. Argentina: Pearson.
- Coe, CL; Vienna, SG; Rosenberg, LT and Levine, S. (1985). The psychobiology of attachment and separation. Elsevier. pages 163-199.
- Eisenberger, Naomi I.; and Lieberman, Matthew D. (2004-7). Why rejection hurts: A common neural alarm system for physical and social pain. Trends in Cognitive Science 8(7): 294-300.
- Feist, J. (2007). personality theories. Madrid: McGraw Hill.
- Goleman, Daniel (1996). Emotional intelligence: a new vision for educators. PsycEXTRA Dataset.
- Rosenthal, MZ, Gratz, KL, Kosson, DS, Cheavens, JS, Lejuez, CW and Lynch, TR (2008). Borderline personality disorder and emotional response: a review of the research literature. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 28(1), 75-91. doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2007.04.001.
- Sollod, RW (2009). Introduction to personality theories. Spain: McGraw-Hill.