The art of bonding through confidence and good self-esteem

Self-confidence and self-esteem these are concepts of a psychological nature that greatly influence encounters with new people.

When in addition what we are looking for is not just to have a fun conversation with someone but to bond, the relevance of these two aspects is even greater. Here we will see some key ideas for how to encourage in this area of ​​life.

    Self-confidence and self-esteem in their expression during seduction

    It would be a mistake to think that people who find it difficult to act confidently in the league suffer from this problem because they have low self-esteem or because they don’t believe in themselves in the overall sense. In fact, it is very common to meet people who generally rely on their abilities in contexts that they face almost every day, such as school or work, but at the same time do not demonstrate self-confidence in specific situations they are less confronted with. frequently, such as when trying to tie up on weekends.

    And it’s that self-esteem and self-confidence they are not completely homogeneous elements, but they have several facets and can evolve according to the situation to which we are exposed. Many shy people are confident when speaking in front of an audience about a topic that fascinates them and they know it well, and at the same time, those who are generally popular can become insecure and vulnerable if they have to speak in front of an audience. on anything he does not know well.

    This means that in order to improve our fluency in one area of ​​social life, we have to work in that area, and not in another.

    So, in this case, the main thing is develop self-confidence and behavioral patterns that promote self-esteem specifically in the context of seduction. Of course, working on self-esteem in a holistic sense, facing life as a whole, is important and helps to make social interactions generally more fluid and enjoyable.

    However, you don’t have to stick to it, which can be used as an excuse not to have to ‘step out of the comfort zone’ and start developing dating-based communication skills and why not. seduction. Since these types of challenges occur specifically in one type of social interaction, the way to overcome them should also be focused on this type of social experience, and not on others. In other words, the keys to developing self-confidence and self-esteem they must be related to the act of breaking the ice, showing interest, asserting oneself in front of people one does not know, and generally binding. Let’s look at several ideas in this regard.

    4 communication keys to expressing seductive self-confidence when knotting

    There are several fundamental psychological keys that you need to keep in mind in order to gain ease and confidence during the ligature.

    1. Boost your self-confidence through improvisation

    It is a mistake to memorize “prefabricated” phrases when knotting. At the most, sometimes you can use one to break the ice and start a conversation, but once you’re in the actual dialogue, what matters is the fluidity and social skills applied at the time, not catchy phrases read in a book or on the Internet. To seduce is, among other things, knowing how to adapt, responding to points of interest that unite you both and create a comfortable and cozy atmosphere.

    Of course, improvising in this way is more complex than applying a sequence of instructions that we can follow step by step. However, although this fact complicates things, at the same time it provides another element which helps to make everything simpler, and we will see that in the next point.

      2. Self-confidence is demonstrated by assuming imperfection in communication.

      In essence, the ability to create technically perfect conversations is much less alluring than the self-confident attitude that is present assuming the conversation will have unnecessary or downright absurd moments. Where self-esteem and charisma are manifested is by accepting that what matters is not the technical correction, but the stimulating feelings and emotions that appear in the dialogue.

      Indeed, the obsession not to make mistakes not only allows us to divide minds on several fronts (and therefore to be more vulnerable to emptiness), but also denotes fragility, because in this way we seem to protect ourselves in this succession of words and gestures.

      People more apt to tie they take it for granted that there will sometimes be misunderstandings or exchanges of ideas that do notBut they can make it a demonstration of attitude and even fun and playful experiences. For this reason, it is common for seduction to work by trying to perform ridiculous actions: the very intention of doing it and showing that we are doing it with awareness of the absurdity makes it, paradoxically, not ridiculous.

      3. The fear of rejection is based on an illusion

      This does not mean that the fear of rejection does not exist; on the contrary, it is a very real phenomenon and the appearance (to a more or less intense degree) is not uncommon even in people to whom it is better to relate. The point is, on the one hand, as we have seen, that we should not struggle to eliminate the fear of rejection from our minds, and on the other hand, we should be clear that it is not based on facts that have the capacity to reveal to us very uncomfortable truths about who we are.

      Fear of rejection has to do with anticipating the painful implications of someone losing interest in us, and it’s something that can perfectly well happen: there’s no reason to take everyone for granted. finds us fascinating. But … does that really say something very bad about who we are? If they reject us, it is, in the great majority of cases, because they do not know us well; for some reason we are looking to reconcile positions.

      On another side, hardly a single interaction or a series of a few interactions with someone will give us a realistic reflection on who we are. The concept of self, our idea of ​​’I’, is built up over time and through hundreds of experiences. Having someone say “yes” or “no” at some point in the conversation isn’t really going to break the patterns by which we analyze who we are, as frustrating as that may be.

      4. Without practice, no progress

      Finally, knowing all this is of little use if it is not put into practice. To develop the social and emotional management skills needed to bond, you need to apply them to reality.. This is why a lot of people look to the psychologist for not only the theory but also a set of guidelines to engage in this process of change and do it effectively and avoid unnecessary frustration, starting with what works for “beginners”. and ending with the most ambitious challenges.

      Are you looking for psychological assistance?

      If you would like to develop your emotional management skills or improve your communication skills, we invite you to contact us. Fr UPAD Psychology and Coaching we have a team of psychologists who have many years of experience working in psychotherapy, psychological support in personal development and coaching processes, and sex and couple therapy. You can find us in our center located in Madrid (Argüelles region) or through our online video call service. On this page you can find our contact details.

      Bibliographical references:

      • Angelico, AP; Crippa, JAS; Louriero, SR (2013). Social anxiety disorder and social skills: a critical review of the literature. International Journal of Behavioral Consultation and Therapy, 7 (4): pages 16 to 33.
      • Bruch, EE; Newman, MEJ (2018). Look for aspiring peers in online dating markets. Science Advances, 4 (8): eaap9815.
      • Miller, R., Perlman, D. and Brehm, SS (2014). Intimate relationships. New York: McGrawHill Firms.
      • O’Donohue, W. (2003). Psychological skills training: issues and controversies. The Behavior Analyst Today, 4 (3), pages 331-335.
      • Vacharkulksemsuk, T. (2016). Dominant and open nonverbal screens are attractive if they are not known. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, 113 (15): pp. 4009 – 4014.

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