Saying ‘no’ is a skill that needs to be trained. It must be practiced many times, to finally feel comfortable with it.
If we are not used to saying no, we may feel strange at first, as will those around you, having become accustomed to your continual predisposition.
Always say yes
It’s good to say yes, compared to openness to aspects that we had not considered before, so that we can gradually build a more open and flexible mindset.
But when we say yes just to please, it becomes a problem. Because we do it in response to what others need and not what we need from ourselves.
Saying yes is a very comfortable position where you don’t question anything. Because listening to yourself and questioning your own needs is more complex … and requires valuing what you need. Stop listening to yourself to meet the needs of others; then you are sort of neglecting yourself and forgetting yourself.
It is inefficient to invest energy in aspects that we know we don’t care about or fulfill.. Mainly, because even if we say yes, deep down we feel no … and that does not satisfy us. And the attitude with which we have done activities that we don’t like, in the end, also makes that counterproductive.
In addition, it is interesting think about the cost we can incur by trying to fuel everything and cover all the needs of the whole world.
Why it’s important to set limits
It is very common to put the needs of others before our own needs., Because we want to please or because we have the requirement to have to take care of others before ourselves.
Also, in many occasions, having self-esteem is considered a self-centered position and these two terms are confused, when they really have nothing to do. Let’s look at the main differences:
Having good self-esteem is knowing how to take care of yourself, and to achieve this we need to take the time to satisfy and love what we need for ourselves.. And in case we can’t “cover” some needs (affection, love… these are aspects we need from others), give them value and don’t underestimate or take away from the importance. to what we need.
Say no and blame
When we start to practice this ability to say no, we may feel bad about people not meeting the needs of others. But this is normal, because we are not used to it, and those around you less. Even when we started to say no, others might complain and demand things from us … because, as we always have, they expect the same from us.
This is why it is quite normal for us to feel guilty at first, but it is important to discern that this is not objective. Also, we always offer our help, it’s great for others, but for us maybe … not so much.
for that it is important to deal with any possible guilt that may appear at the start, Don’t give in again and start taking it into account first. To do this, you can remember and say to yourself “respect me and accompany me”. Realize that saying this is not good for yourself, physically and emotionally.
Developing healthy self-esteem and independence
First of all, it is important to know that we are responsible, to a greater extent, to sit wellAnd that’s why we have to be the first to take care of ourselves. The following describes how to cultivate this healthy self-esteem.
- Thinking about the values of oneself, of others and knowing how to differentiate oneself: what do I appreciate? What are my needs? What is important to me and what is not? What do others like? What are your needs? Will I be able to cover them better when I cover mine for the first time?
- Prioritize and give the value we deserve to our own values.
- Know how to say no with confidence (neither passively nor aggressively) to aspects that do not fulfill us.
- Accept the discomfort that can result from another person’s refusal and know that their reaction is not “their fault”. Deal with possible guilt.
- Enjoy choosing you first.
If we start to do this process, we will give more importance to ourselves and we will feel that we are worth more than what we have done so far. Only then will we begin to develop healthy self-esteem.
Finally, we must remember the importance of not judging ourselves when we do not set limits, because we are also entitled to them. It is normal that on the way we take a few steps back. To have good self-esteem, it is important not to punish yourself.