The family is the most solid pillar of human relations. It is the first social contact that we know and from which we started to bond with others. But are all family relationships the same? How are our relationships with our primary caregivers?
This is what I want us to talk about today. Because? Because depending on the way they are, how we deal with them, and how we learn to identify with ourselves, it will influence how we grow up, the adults we form, and how we deal with any adversity that may arise.
To do this, I want us to answer several questions
What is the slope?
The condition is the emotional bond we have created since birth with our main caregivers and referrals.
However, affection is not always expressed in the same way in family relationships. Let’s see what forms this can take.
What kind of condition does he have?
We find four types of conditions, which are as follows.
1. Disorganized state
It is characteristic of families in which there has not been a good family structure, In which physical and psychological abuse was common and in situations where contempt or insults were a daily occurrence.
2. Distant addition or avoiding
It is common in people who they feel that all of their needs or concerns have been covered except emotionally, and. In this case, we find families in which there is a certain structure, but not in all areas, and especially psychological neglect.
3. Worried, anxious or ambivalent state
We meet families where privacy does not exist. It is common in this type of family to close the door, or if it is closed, any time a person enters, to see if everything is going well and in order. Additionally, it’s common to use emotional blackmail with phrases like “if you don’t do what I ask you to do, you don’t want me.”
4. Safe affection
In this type of family has a good family structure, in which good harmonization, care, consistency and autonomy are granted in an appropriate manner.
Possible models of behavior when faced with an inappropriate inclination
The best type of condition is a safe condition, For the existence of a good balance in all areas. It can be fixed.
But what happens to us when we have another type of attachment? Or when we experience situations in which we feel unsafe or in which we cannot?
Hold on to danger
It is a natural thing, it happens for example in animals like the remora fish, which stick to its predator to feel safe. Sometimes it happens to us humans it is easier to stay on the side of something that is hurting us than it is to try to find change.
When in fact, if we take the step of taking the reins of our life, everything gets better. It is common that when we feel this we depend on others to be good, or exhibit a worried inclination in front of the people we want.
Build a protective wall
To give an example, as in the previous case, we have spores or turtles. They have armor with which to protect themselves from the outside. These people tend to be strong, they isolate themselves so that no one can harm them. Often caused by living in environments that have taught you that this is the only way to make things better.
Often when we find ourselves like this we are able to render our surroundings unconscious, other times we react by “attacking” or “hurting” the people we love the most and it is very difficult for us to talk about our emotions. .
Do you feel identified with these situations?
Sometimes we don’t need to be in an unsecured outlet, even if it does affect us. The circumstances of our life and the challenges it poses cause us to get stuck or try to escape. Often our past experiences do not allow us to move forward, or we treat our family in a way that we do not like.
If this happens to you, it’s not just you; it’s always a good time to learn to care and love each other, we can make a great team. To contact our team of psychologists, go to this page.