The transformation of the couple after motherhood

A new integrative look at the changes taking place in the couples behind the first months of the baby’s arrival at home. A vision of the society with which parents and grandparents must live. The interrelation between them and the demands that today’s life demands and which function as demands that are difficult to meet. A way of thinking about what happens to us internally, beyond what has already been said. These are some of the ideas that are briefly developed in this article.

    The psychological impact of the arrival of the baby

    We are no longer who we were and it is difficult to assume, our anxieties, the pressures of work, trying to do things well, as others say, are some of the issues that today’s parents must deal with. face without prejudice, guilt or stereotypical role models. The invitation is a find the model itself, the one that suits this family and its uniqueness.

    Much has been said about the happiness that accompanies the arrival of a baby, but also about the psychological and physical changes of the postpartum period, the change in the mother’s body and the new reconnection of both parents with it. A body traversed by psychological motherhood and biology.

      Generational differences

      Corn what about the transformation in the couple, especially in the most prolific generation of these times, those who today are between their thirties and a little older. The generation that decided to face the family project being closer to forty. A generation that traveled, had fun, studied and worked without caring more than themselves. A generation that rightly decided to enjoy life, something that was also encouraged by their own parents, who knew how good it was to have these experiences but had to wait for their children to grow up to do this. desire, so it marked the time.

      Today the contradiction arises between these two generations coexisting at the same time. Of course, enjoying life without obligations is good, but like everything, it has its consequences, and today they face a reality in which they had not ventured. A reality for which they have no model, precisely because of the speed with which paradigm shifts are generated.

      What about those parents who have been together for a while, who know their tastes and have a dynamic that works, at least until today?

      Much has changed since the days of those who are or will be grandparents today, when as the changes described in the puerperium were made visible, society took it for granted that the internal change of transition in the couple was obvious. Today, the older generation does not understand how their grandchildren travel as babies or can accompany their parents to work.

        A global change

        Everything changes and you have to adapt to the times, and that’s how the world changes. Corn The arrival of the baby is not only the puerperal changes, but a change of life. Whatever the idea that everyone has of parenthood and the exercise of motherhood, the biggest change that is observed and that is underestimated is the change of life, which does not refer only to the care infant or difficulties going to bed or returning to work.

        It’s about changing the identity of the couple, a deeper change, where these young people cease to be such, in the sense of being identical to those who have been, travelers or those who have accepted all the invitations of friends. Today they are surprised, starting to wonder who will go to the meeting. All three, just one? Or how they will manage these outings which, not so long ago, were common to them and for which they did not need any preparation.

        What changes today is that the couple becomes a family, where the two will make decisions or have to argue with the baby about their place (and there will be more than one boy or girl in the House). The question is if they can be reconciled as parents and baby, or one will be father or mother of two.

        We often hear the mother take this place and then complain about it. This is due to not having the proper discussion about how to handle boundaries, going out, going for walks with family, or where the baby will sleep. This results in mental pain that can be resolved by clarifying these anonymous, lingering issues.

        Everything starts to get tangled up, we see problems where there are none or problems other than those that exist. He gets along difficulty in being able to resume sexual intercourse or lack of desire for one or both parents facing the arrival of the baby, but in reality it is all these problems that are diluted under the surface, as if it were a cliché where if there is puerperium the problems know each other.

          Focus on the individual

          To reduce human feelings, especially in times of crisis and much more where identity is at stake, is a reductionism in which it is not good to fall. We are more than just statistics and each couple will live it as they want or as they can. But looking a little lower than the surface, with an integrative and less stereotypical gaze, can give us a faster and more satisfying way out of these unpleasantness, so that they are in a learning and a useful tool of accommodation for the couple. , because there will be so many others. It is growth and well-being as it relates to mental health.

          I think it’s handy to put the clumps aside to take care of everyone, each individual in his or her uniqueness, and that the word conveys a sense of exclusivity, because that is what we are, unique beings with different realities, even if the stage of life we ​​are going through seems the same.

          I do not mean in any way to say that I recommend that the mother be inactive. Of accommodation of roles, clarification of norms, reconsideration of points of view and priorities jointly agreed between the two parents, exercising the essential of the mapaternidad, that is to say of taking together the elevation and the physical and spiritual psychic construction of this human who expects the best act of love from him, which could well be one, is to teach him to manage change, an irreplaceable good, given by the hand of his parents, even if he will definitely trade in the future.

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