It is known that lfamily is extremely important in our lives. It is an essential socialization agent for our development. In fact, at an early age, the family is vital for survival, as humans need the help of adults for a relatively long period of time.
Moreover, its relevance does not end there; the role of parents is essential in order to grow up healthy and ready to face the problems that may arise throughout our lives, even when we are largely independent.
But parents are not the only important family figure for us; when they are present, the brothers are also often there in good times and bad. However, there are times when this sibling relationship can turn toxic. In this article, we will talk about the ingrained conflicts that can arise between siblings, and the concept of “toxic brothers”.
A brother is a friend given by nature
Siblings not only share our genes, our culture, our education or our social class, they also share the vast majority of the experiences that happen to us within the family and go through the same events as we do.
however, each person is unique and has their own personality. Two siblings raised under the same roof can develop different ways of behaving, however, they both share the same memories and experiences.
Brothers are people you trust, who will rarely turn their backs on you; they can become our best friends. As the French poet and writer Ernest Legouvé asserts, “a brother is a friend given by nature”.
When the relationship between siblings is not good
But sibling relationships can also be complicated. From an early age, fights can be frequent, and in adults, some siblings can end badly for different reasons, for example for economic reasons. Complicated sibling relationships can become very intense and lead to situations in which hostility, rivalry, competitiveness, jealousy and sometimes hatred can manifest.
When a sibling thinks they are being treated differently by their parents, when he thinks he’s the black sheep of the family or when he receives a shared inheritance and does not have the same opinion as his other brother on what to do with a property he has inherited, the battle can be very destructive.
Reasons for conflicts between siblings
Whether in childhood or adulthood, there are many reasons for these fraternal disputes. Here is a list of the reasons why siblings have toxic relationships:
1. Economic reasons
In adulthood, siblings can stop talking to each other for a variety of economic reasons. Some siblings get into a fight because they share a business, and when liquidity issues arise, the relationship is affected. Others, on the other hand, experience a patrimonial struggle (in particular because of inheritances). Economic reasons they are a frequent source of family breakdown if you don’t know how to handle these conflicts.
2. Seek attention
At an early age, it may happen that siblings are continually fight to get parents’ attention. Usually, these are usually blames that do not reach over, but at other times the relationship can become confrontational, as the build-up of conflict can lead to major conflicts.
3. Parents’ comparisons
Sometimes it is the parents who generate insecure children. Children who, in one way or another, will seek the attention of the elderly to feel loved. Perhaps one of the children is very good at school because he is familiar with the subjects taught in school, whether it is math or social studies. Conversely, the other child may have a great talent, for example, drawing or dancing.
This last brother will need the affection of his parents to develop this passion which he cherishes, but, as it often happens, some parents only take academic grades into account to assess a child’s success. This child may feel very frustrated which can lead to some rivalry with his other sibling by feeling looked down upon.
4. Unfair parental treatment
Comparisons between siblings are not good, but it is also not positive not to give children equal treatment. This can happen, for example, with the clothes their parents buy them, the amount of money they give them for weekly pay, or even the amount of love shows (hugs, kisses, etc.) that their parents buy for them. parents give them. . Minors are particularly sensitive to this type of parental behaviorTherefore, care should be taken not to treat one child better than another.
5. Age difference
It seems that the age difference can determine the conflicts. Research shows that separated children under two years of age they often have more conflicts than children with more age difference.
The older brother, boy or girl, is generally more affectionate and understanding towards the younger. If the older brother has a big age difference, you might understand some of the reasons your younger brother reacts in a certain way.
6. The development phase
The stage of development can also influence the generation of conflicts. For example, at school age siblings may have a better relationship, but when they reach high school and at the stage of change, the older brother disengages somewhat from the relationship with his younger brother. The little brother, in this case, he can solicit the attention of the older brother through arguments.
7. Personal effects
Another reason sibling fights start is when someone touches the other’s personal property. At an early age it may be a toy, but in adolescence it is just as much a garment. This can lead to conflicts, especially if the object they borrowed without warning is damaged.
8. Different personalities
We all have different personalities and interests and this can lead to many conflicts. Some people get irritated more easily than others, some are introverted, others extroverted, etc. Clash of personalities can lead to serious disputes in fraternal relations.
9. Social skills deficit
If sometimes it is the personality that causes the conflict, in others it is the lack of social skills. Conflicts can arise in any interpersonal relationship, however a good grasp of social skills can help resolve this conflict properly. Otherwise, it can even be worse.
The ability to resolve their own problems and conflicts, empathy or the ability to negotiate and dialogue, among others, are factors that influence how family issues are resolved. Parents have a lot to say here.
10. Jealousy and envy
Jealousy and envy can be a source of conflict in sibling relationships at any age.. Sometimes it is the insecurity of one of the siblings that causes this situation, as the latter may experience a great sense of frustration when seeing his brother have a better job or a spectacular partner.