Why do I have trouble identifying with people? Causes and what to do

Interpersonal relationships are partly linked to individual attitudes; some may be easier than others to establish appropriate relationships with their peers within the framework of social norms. It responds to the individual differences that exist between some people and others.

Therefore, it is relatively common for the question to arise: “Why do I have a hard time relating to people?”. In this article, we will see what factors can be at the root of this type of social difficulty and what can be done about it.

Related article: “It’s hard for me to make friends: causes and solutions”

Why do I have trouble identifying with people? possible reasons

The causes can be varied and mixed between the characteristics of the subject’s personality and the social environment in which he has developed since childhood. To answer the question “why do I find it difficult to relate to people?” it is necessary to understand the two causes.

For example, a child who tends to extroversion but who is developing an environment where excessive calm predominates, Will develop his alibi and will most likely have difficulty communicating with others as an adult.

The same happens otherwise, when children are introverts and important people around them. they try to force them to relate to others in an arbitrary way. The child will grow up remembering aversive experiences related to social relationships, then in his adult life it will be more difficult for him to be successful in having meaningful and lasting relationships.

We can then say that the difficulties in social relations depend largely on the balance between these two factors (environment and nature), so that the subject develops and grows with a good self-esteem, and also knows how to recognize and manage their characteristics. personality. In this way, personal factors such as extroversion and introversion can be prevented from working against the timing of establishing and maintaining social relationships with others.

Ideally, people should acquire the skills to moderate their personality traits within the framework of social norms, without this in any way affecting them in terms of natural development.

Factors Affecting Social Relations

Below we will see the factors that affect the psychosocial development of people.

1. Natural factors

The natural factors that influence social difficulties are all those which come from the genetic predispositions of the subject. Depending on family history, they could be hereditary, although in many of them the learning history also influences a bit. Here are some of the most common:

  • Autism spectrum disorders.
  • Depression.

  • some addictions (Alcoholism, pathological gambling, etc.).
  • Diseases of the thyroid gland.
  • Prone to stress.
  • Antisocial personality disorder.
  • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (TOC).
  • Social phobia.

  • Anxiety.
  • Agoraphobia (irrational fear of open spaces).

These are just propensities for negative social impact that we can overcome if we change our habits, as we will see.

2. Social factors

Social factors, which are mainly learned, have a big impact in terms of the social relationships that we can establish. Let’s see how it can influence our environment in this aspect of life:

  • Dysfunctional family environment.
  • child abuse.
  • Very permissive parenting styles.
  • Authoritarian parenting styles.
  • child abandonment.
  • Separation of parents.
  • Severe trauma.
  • Pathological mourning process.

  • Small social circle.
  • Influence of negative groups.

It should be noted that the presence of the factors seen above represents only a higher rate of likelihood of presenting problems in social relationships, but they are not absolutely determining. This is why they are known as risk factors.

How to avoid difficulties in relation to people?

In the same way that there are risk factors which can lead the subject to present difficulties in his interpersonal relationships, there are ways to avoid such limitations. They are as follows

1. Be selective about the social group

The fact that you don’t get along well with a social group this does not imply that it has to be so for everyone; keep in mind that it’s not worth to force the interaction. If you notice that in order to be part of a group you have to stray too far from who you really are, then maybe it’s time to stop fitting into this pattern.

2. Set goals

the goals they greatly help to gradually overcome our social limits; it is about aggravating our fears in a controlled way. For example, if it gives us anxiety talking to people; We make it a daily goal to start at least 3 conversations per day.

do this this will allow us to overcome our insecurities, And the time will come when we can do it naturally. These milestones must have a deadline to be able to measure how successful we have been during this time.

3. Share your experiences

Dare share personal experiences with close people. Nothing happens if you sometimes comment on things that make you vulnerable. Contrary to what many people think, being vulnerable is not a sign of weakness in all settings.

If you are able to open up to sharing negative experiences with others, they will feel more confident with you and the interaction can become more meaningful for everyone in the group. Of course, keep in mind that they have to be people you trust.

4. Attend therapy

A resource that is little used by people is psychological therapy, Probably because of the stereotypes that still exist with regard to the figure of these sessions. But the reality is that going into therapy can clear up the image of what limits you socially, and will serve to raise plans for “liberation” to relate better to others.

    Bibliographical references:

    • Chavira, DA; Stein, MB; Malcarne, VL (2002). Explore the relationship between shyness and social phobia. Journal of Anxiety Disorders. 16 (6): 585-98.
    • Paulhus, DL; Morgan, KL (1997). “Perceptions of Intelligence in Leaderless Groups: The Dynamic Effects of Shyness and Knowledge.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 72 (3): 581-591.

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