The sandwich technique is one of the most famous psychological tools, And the most used.
All you have to do is put the name on any internet search engine, and you will get thousands and thousands of results in blogs on psychology, emotional intelligence, communication, sales, marketing, etc. Now … does it really work?
What is the sandwich technique?
The famous sandwich technique it is used when we want to communicate criticism or request a change in behavior from someone. Because we don’t want the other person to be offended or defensive, we “wrap” the original message in other good things about the person, before and after the main message.
It sounds like you are a very committed person in your job, but I think sometimes you can be a little too strict with your coworkers, and that makes us feel overwhelmed; Of course you improve it right away, but you are a crack and you fall in love with all of us.
It’s an easy technique to explain and easy to remember, and a great way to be more assertive and improve our gift of people.
Disadvantages of applying it to communication
In many cases of therapy, it is a very good technique for people who have particular difficulties in saying “no” or set clear limits in the face of potential situations of mistreatment (in the family, at work, with the partner, etc.).
However, not everything is rosy with the famous sandwich technique. In this article, I explain how Sometimes the sandwich technique can be the worst way to assert yourself.
It encourages fear of criticism
Using the sandwich technique involves believing that its original message is wrong. Are the reviews always negative? This is a basic assumption of the technique.
Since I think criticizing or asking for a change in behavior from another person is boring or even aggressive in itself, I think I “need” to camouflage my original message among a heap of bread. Are reviews without bread always destructive?
Take attention away from what we really mean. Is it this statement?
I have met people who are really obsessed with the sandwich technique, and it can be very difficult to deal with them.
They constantly have to change everything, still concerned about the thousand ways the other person might take your messages for granted.
You can end up overthinking, having a hard time diverting attention from your original message and, on top of that, wasting both people’s time.
Isn’t this another form of passivity that we try to avoid with a strong communication style? We can prove our latent social awkwardness if we abuse the sandwich.
For constant rejection
Being obsessed with using the sandwich technique can also be a sign that we have a lot of it. fear of possible rejection by the other person, And also worry a lot about it.
How to start? Am I telling you that the clothes you are wearing today look good on you? But what if it seems too superficial? I’d better start off by congratulating him on the presentation he gave last month, which is still remembered, then I tell him about the layoff, and I end with the fact that we loved working with him, but that. ..
The truth is that by putting so much effort into how we ‘dress’ our message, we can also be seen as artificial, superficial, false. It may also indicate the belief that if the other person is offended, it is the sender’s responsibility.
The truth is, a lot of times, no matter how much sugar we put in something, it’s up to the other person to get the message mature and cold. And what for many layers of bread and pillows we put in them, the other person may be offended and angry – just as.
It is not for us to decide how the other person takes things. It’s their own process.
People are not made of glass
Another basic assumption of the technique is that people always feel bad about suggestions for improvement., And that to be a good communicator or a very assertive person, you have to soften everything.
The truth is, constructive criticism can be done out of respect, right from the start, without “so much bread”, and by saying things straight.
Of course, depending on the context and the history we have with this person, it will be very useful to “soften” the ground and put our part so that the other person does not get on the defensive (if this is a particularly sensitive issue).
However, this is not mandatory. Also, sometimes they will thank us a lot for “going to gravel”. I insist, direct reviews can be done in a very respectful manner, without having to wrap everything in bubble wrap.
Sometimes, simply, the sandwich technique is not necessary to have a conversation between two adults, Who know that they shouldn’t take some criticism as personal attacks.
Psychotherapy online and in Valencia
If you feel that the way you communicate is affecting your quality of life, the best thing to do is to stop reading articles and take action by going to therapy. If you want to make an appointment with me, visit this page.