Social life, which we share with others, has countless benefits, but it is not without its problems. However, when these little rubs appear with others, not everyone shows the same propensity to apologize.
In fact, you don’t even have to categorize people by the details of their personality traits to find out if it’s more or less possible for you to say “sorry” – just move on to the most basic division. of all: men and women. The former are much more reluctant to apologize. But why?
Why so many women apologize for everything
It has been found that women tend to apologize more than men, but the gender differences on this issue do not end there. Women also tend to report committing more offenses or offenses. Is it because the female sex is more likely to cross the line than is morally correct? Actually no.
The difference is what everyone considers to be crossing that line. In other words, women are more sensitive to their own behaviors which can be seen as a reason to apologizeWhile this threshold is higher in men, more of these flaws go unnoticed as such. Having committed the same attack, the woman will be more likely to apologize while the man, in many cases, will not even consider the option of doing so so as not to believe that he has done something wrong. .
It is easy to conclude that this is due to the fact that men are oblivious to the suffering they sometimes cause, perhaps due to their slightly more aggressive character. However, there is no reason to believe that this is the explanation for this phenomenon. It is possible that the cause is, in fact, that many women apologize when they have no real reason to do so.
A gender problem?
Many gender studies agree that traditionally, and even today in most countries, the role of women has been explicitly linked to home care and meeting the domestic needs of the rest of the family. Thus, beyond the professional obligations of the husband, it is assumed that the wife takes care of everything else.
In this sense, any problem that happens to a family member that relates to household chores will always be recognized as a lack of responsibility on the part of the woman.
If one day the husband is about to go out to work and realizes that he hasn’t prepared a snack to bring to the office, the wife will recognize when she made a mistake … even if in fact he did. do not commit it. . Usually these types of details are not the result of a negotiation, but the result of the automatic assignment of gender roles. If it is customary for the wife to prepare food for her husband, on the day when it is not filled, there is a reason to apologize.
The importance of this, however, is that this custom becomes so internalized by women that they can apply it to all areas of their lives that are beyond the domestic. This is why it is possible to find very young women, even single and living in an apartment for themselves, who they are more likely to apologize even in front of people they saw for the first time. The reason is that they inherited the culture of “face the doubt, sorry”.
Remorse that parasitizes
The problem with many women over-apologizing goes beyond reinforcing the idea that they have more reason to apologize for doing the same thing as men. On top of that, they tend to take the blame for facts for which they do not have to take responsibility, And seeing life through that prism is a very bitter thing.
On the one hand, very few people around him have reason to point out this error, because receiving an undeserved apology puts them in a position of power; it’s easier not to contradict the apologist’s version. On the other hand, getting used to apologizing for everything makes us, little by little, convince us that we do not deserve anything.
Being aware several times a week that we have reasons to apologize, whether true or not, undermines our self-esteem and perpetuates this vicious cycle. With low self-esteem, it’s easier to assume that when faced with an ambiguous situation, if someone needs to apologize, it’s themselves or, in this case, themselves.
So, to break away from this self-defeating dynamic of asking for permission to even breathe, one must first question gender roles and then cultivate self-esteem. It takes a lot of work for the former and the search for the solidarity of people in a similar situation. For the second, a good start is simply to look back and think about situations in which we say “forgiveness” to no avail.