Why you can feel lonely even when others are with you

Human beings are social animals, Made to live in the company of his comrades. However, one thing is the life dynamics we are prepared for, and another is the way we subjectively experience our social life.

Because yes, everyone has more or less a social life; only hermits completely isolated from others are on the margins. But that doesn’t stop her millions of people around the world feel lonely … even if they are not alone, Objectively.

What is the reason for this apparent incongruity? Why can loneliness seem surrounded by people who feel sympathy and affection for us?

    Why loneliness seems to be accompanied

    Loneliness is a feeling that responds to social contact and affection needs. Both factors have to do with being able to gain the cooperation of others when it comes to achieving personal goals, but there is something more. Affection is a source of physical contact and intimacy, elements that have proven to be indispensable from birth.

    Babies who grow up with access to food, water, and an environment with adequate humidity and temperature, but who remain isolated, develop abnormally and often develop serious mental disorders. Likewise, people who report a greater sense of loneliness they are more prone to depression and relatively early death.

    In a way, contact with others not only has material implications, but the psychological impact of loneliness matters as well. However, this subjective aspect also adds a certain degree of uncertainty when it comes to which social situations produce loneliness and which do not. for that there are people who, despite their relationships with many people, feel lonely. To explain this, several hypotheses are studied.

    Social abilities

    In some cases, people who interact with several people on a day-to-day basis, including friendly people, may feel lonely because of a social skills problem. As much as a dialogue is apparently two people talking, just as much someone who feels their public image is compromised in terms of what they say or say is a very different thing; specifically, a test, a sort of intelligence test. Something that ultimately produces anxiety.

    Since social interactions are seen as challenges, the person with low social skills ignores the possibility of connecting with someone and it focuses on not being ridiculed or just going unnoticed. This means that what is objectively a social context ceases to be so and becomes an annoying and stressful situation that should be endured as little as possible.

    Of course, understanding the company of others in this way makes a feeling of loneliness the only thing left. Sometimes you aspire to have an honest relationship with someone, but when the opportunity presents itself, it’s about avoiding that situation, making it short-lived, and compromising as little as possible.

      Lack of time for an active social life

      At the other extreme, it is also possible to find people who feel lonely but who, in this case, they do not owe their situation to a lack of social skills.

      There are people who are so outgoing that they live oriented towards others, making the network of social interactions that surround them flow day after day, that they stay alive. Parties are organized, friends who do not know each other are put in contact, trips to the mountains are offered … it is worth involving various people in stimulating situations.

      Additionally, extroverted people who encounter this pattern of social behavior usually don’t just live in isolation, but others turn to them with the slightest excuse. This is normal, as they act as energizing cores of groups of friends and colleagues. They are popular individuals and highly regarded by people who know them.

      So where does loneliness come from? The answer is simpler than it sounds: lack of time. These people’s free time is spent interacting with others, but in no case: acting as the core of a social network (Beyond the loneliness of computers, of course).

      There is not much room for deep relationships with intimacyAs the task of energizing groups necessarily requires maintaining a behavioral profile oriented towards the public, visible to all. Even if one tries to break this dynamic, others will continue to act as before, so it is difficult to “start over” if one does not radically change the habit in many ways.

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